Do women like sex the same way as men?

Weird question, I know. I know that women like sex, but what I mean is, do they view sex in the same way as men view it?

Here's an example. If a random guy (moderately attractive) went up to a woman at a nightclub and straight out said that he wanted to have sex with her, she'd probably slap him.

I on the other hand would not behave this way if a moderately attractive woman came up to me and asked me if I wanted to have sex with her. I would just immediately say yes and go ahead and do it. Lol.

My question is, why do men and women approach the subject of sex in very different ways.

Sorry I know this question sounds dumb to a lot of people.

Generally, women want sex that is more than just sex. We crave a connection. That being said, we like the feel of sex as much as any guy. Haha! But yes, there has to be a bit of romance. Connection. Feelings. The warm fuzzies

My orientation kind of prevents that scenario from happening these days. However, when I was involved with 3D people, my sex drive was a match for that of any guy, sometimes greater.

Well, you also have to look at it from the perspective of safety and the stereotypes/mentalities surrounding that. Considering the majority of sexual and physical abuse is perpetrated against women by men, I think most women would naturally be a little more reluctant just saying yes to a random stranger like that, than a man, regardless of whether they wanted it or not in theory.

Also, even when it comes to sex, the fact that physically speaking the woman is the one being penetrated(aka having to accept something inside her own body, which poses more risks and requires more trust) and thus the one who feels the vulnerability of that intimacy more acutely on some basic level, may make it harder to decide just like that on a whim.

Plus, for most women, reaching an orgasm is not as straight forward as it may be for most men so during sex with another person it matters how involved the partner is, how dedicated and attentive to her needs. For a lot of men penetration is enough and they have control over it, for most women it's not sufficient most of the time. So there's that question of how likely it is that this man propositioning them will make it worth their time.

Then yes, there's probably a little bit of difference in how women tend to perceive sex in the sense that the mental part plays a bit of a stronger role in arousal and sexual pleasure than it does in men.


Ultimately we both need to feel secure and connected in some way, even though it might not always seem apparent. Plus, everyone is different and there's plenty of men who would not have sex with just any random hot woman who approaches them, while there's women who will have sex with men like that. Personality, past experiences, libido, confidence all play a big part and they differ from person to person regardless of gender.

There was a recent study that suggests both men and women actually at least subconsciously look for a deeper and/or longer term connection even when they have one night stands with strangers and that ultimately psychologically there is no such thing as casual sex, there's always a need for some level of intimacy and connection.

If you think about it, it makes sense because most people feel a need for sex and sexual release but you can get sexual release, that orgasm, from masturbation. What you can't get through masturbation isn't the most basic pleasure of that orgasm but physical/sexual pleasure laced with the intimacy and connection of being exposed, touched, sharing yourself and feeling validated as well. That's present in both men and women.

So to me ultimately it has to do with personality and cultural stuff, with feeling safe and the mentality surrounding sex and gender. Men are socialized to be far less worried about their safety or reputation/respect when it comes to casual sex and interacting with the opposite gender, so that I'm sure plays a bit role.

We men like that romantic connection too. But we also like casual sex Lol. I know a lot of women like casual sex too, so that's why I'm wondering why is there such a difference in the way that both genders view sex.

Is it just because of societal conditioning or is there some deep rooted psychology behind it?

Theres some deep rooted PHYSIOLOGY behind it, aka babies, if that helps.

I think, honestly, it’s a respect thing. Personally, I wouldn’t want a man “assuming” I’m going to give it up for him. Anything worthwhile is worth working for - Women who have good self worth know that they are worth more than a “wham bam thank you Ma’am”. And be honest... would you truly respect a woman who gave you sex as soon as you asked for it when you first met?

I know. But what I'm asking is that why don't men follow that same train of thought as well?


Most men wouldn't get offended if a woman came and asked them for sex. It would make their day.


Also what would offend you more - A man who lied to you and pretended to like you only to get into your pants, or a man who was upfront about it from the start?

Lol i know that feel

I think a lot of that comes down to culture. If a guy sleeps with a lot of girls he’s a “player” who is applauded by his male friends. If a girl sleeps with a lot of guys she’s considered a slut and often shunned or ostracized from her group. There’s just more to lose for a woman in that situation.

Because men play offense and women play defense.

Okay, there are a lot of problems with that. But you have to admit, there's something about that that rings true. At least in straight couples, the assumption is that men will initiate sex and women will mostly say no, but sometimes say yes.

I remember studying something like this in animal behavior. Most mammals approach sex in this pattern. Males seek out a variety of mating opportunities with a variety of partners. Since they can regenerate sperm rapidly, their best shot of spreading genes is to maximize the number of times they have sex.

Females, on the other hand, have a completely different calculus. Female mammals make few eggs and have long gestation periods in pregnancy. Essentially, they value quality over quantity. Since they have to invest a lot of time in pregnancy, they want to make sure they don't waste their time on an unfit mate.

Fast forward to 2018. When a moderately attractive woman asks a man for sex, the man loves it. He doesn't have to work to prove he's good enough because she's said yes already. His only investment is a bit of time and a bit of semen.

When a moderately attractive man asks a woman for sex, a couple things are going on. One, she probably doesn't know much about this guy and that makes her uncomfortable. Two, typically, there's some chance that she could get pregnant. Of course, there's contraception but it's not 100%. If this man is horrible, that's a huge cost with little benefit for her. Three, this man could be abusive. Is this man going to hit her? If she doesn't know or isn't at least confident of her safety, that's a problem.

That’s a pretty stereotypical way of putting things. People have different desires and needs and views on sex so it isn’t something where all men approach it one way and all women approach it another way. Some women have higher sex drives than your average man and some men are asexual and don’t have any interest in sexual relationships at all. There’s also aromantic women who don’t have any interest in romance, but desire sexual relationships. Evolutionary theory can be used to try to apply to the average male and female, but no one actually is just the average person, it is just a statistical finding out of the wide variety of attitudes towards sex. I’d personally of been freaked out if a woman just walked to me asking for sex when I was still single. People’s approaches to sex I believe are shaped by physiology, environment, and their perspectives on the world that are shaped throughout their lives about attachment and what is necessary to feel attached to others and what the purpose of sex is from their philosophy.

As I have gotten older, sex is not as important for me. Before, I was into sex a lot. But, as I have aged, I don't really worry about it too much although on dating sites I receive many requests for hookups even at my age. I'm female and in my 50s and when I was younger was like a man in my approach to sex. I would meet men for sex then leave them immediately having no emotional attachment. This was after my divorce and probably I was bitter about men. Now, I don't think that much about sex and not really worried about it. I try to focus on finding men who like me as a person first now and not for my breasts and legs.

Everything I said is absolutely stereotypical. For better or worse, biology tends to be stereotypical. Scientists want to know general principles that apply broadly, globally, and over time. But the OP wants to know why women and men have different attitudes about sex. My approach was to say, this is where human history comes from, these are drives that exist due to instinct and survival.

I think your approach is to say, it depends. How a man or a woman feel about sex depends on the man or the woman. That's true. I can tell you my reasons for doing this or that.

Basically, I think my approach is more valid if you want to talk about groups or about people in general. Your approach is more valid if you want to talk about individuals.

Yeah, I'm more into clinical psychology and into phenomenology when it comes to human sciences so I tend to focus more on the individuals and case studies and have issues with generalizations as I see them less real for philosophical reasons which push me more towards phenomenology and existentialism.