[DazedandConfused254]

Hi PC. A major source of my self-esteem issues that I've experienced over the past year has been the criticism and shame that I have received from friends over masturbation and how I respond to sexual urges. Although I love masturbation and use it as a peaceful escape and for its health benefits (ie sleep aid, clear sinuses), I am so confused about the practice that I even start to question if I am even normal or not in terms of my sexuality, no thanks to some abusive churches I used to attend who frequently criticized me for the practice. I become aroused at the sight of gorgeous women I see on the Internet or pictures (celebs on the red carpet, SI Swimsuit models, etc), the beauty found in pregnant women, and fantasies about loving, two sided sexual relationships once I marry. Furthermore, I don't watch porn and typically don't care for graphic depictions of sex, genitals, or looking at naked women. Having sex is never the basis of any of my opposite gender friendships, and I am remembered for having a positive attitude, a tender nature, and most of my female friends feel comfortable around me. I always try to find something beautiful about any woman I find, and am not afraid to point that out. Still, my friends have brainwashed me into believing that having a sexual desire and any responses I experience to these urges (masturbation) are simply heinous, unless I am married. I have since found support from my doctor parents and other blogs/articles discussing how masturbation and fantasies are normal, but I still must ask:
1. Is masturbation ok?
2. Are my arousal methods "dirty" or "evil" like what my friends tell me?
3. How can I stand up for people who lay on guilt trips for my sexual practices?

[marvin_pa]

1. If you're OK with it & you don't obsess over it, then it's perfectly normal
2. They're only dirty or evil, if you believe them to be
3. Frankly, it's nobodies business but your own.

[DazedandConfused254]

Originally Posted by marvin_pa

1. If you're OK with it & you don't obsess over it, then it's perfectly normal
2. They're only dirty or evil, if you believe them to be
3. Frankly, it's nobodies business but your own.

Well said. Thanks so much!

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by DazedandConfused254

Hi PC. A major source of my self-esteem issues that I've experienced over the past year has been the criticism and shame that I have received from friends over masturbation and how I respond to sexual urges.

So it makes them feel uncomfortable, and their response to their discomfort is to attack you...

Can you find other friends?

[PerryJeffJoeJimBob]

Who cares what others think? In all likelihood they masturbate themselves but toe the party line when discussing it. If they say they don't, I (me, not you) would call them a liar or a freak of nature.

Masturbation is natural. They have documented fetuses doing it in the womb.

Don't even get me started on religions and church.

I have been masturbating for close to fifty years. My girlfriend and I sometimes masturbate together.

[Oyvind]

Originally Posted by DazedandConfused254

1. Is masturbation ok?
2. Are my arousal methods "dirty" or "evil" like what my friends tell me?
3. How can I stand up for people who lay on guilt trips for my sexual practices?

1. of course it is! Whoever says they don't is either lying or asexual. Yup, your friends are lying to you.
2. *probably* not unless they involve harming people or animals (arousal methods?)
3. My advice: cut them and the religion that teaches this out of your life, and maybe help other people victimized by them.

Don't even get me started on religions and church.

^this

[DazedandConfused254]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

So it makes them feel uncomfortable, and their response to their discomfort is to attack you...

Can you find other friends?

Haha yes I notice that elephant in the room topics are quite prone to attack. But why bully people for such a harmless and widespread activity? Thankfully I have found friends now who are less hell-bent to attack others than where I previously spent my time and resources, physically and emotionally.

[DazedandConfused254]

Originally Posted by PerryJeffJoeJimBob

Who cares what others think? In all likelihood they masturbate themselves but toe the party line when discussing it. If they say they don't, I (me, not you) would call them a liar or a freak of nature.

Masturbation is natural. They have documented fetuses doing it in the womb.

Don't even get me started on religions and church.

I have been masturbating for close to fifty years. My girlfriend and I sometimes masturbate together.

Thanks big time friend. Like marvin_pa mentioned, I am in control of my own body and sexual urges.

Exactly. If people are going to bully me for masturbating, they might as well harrass others for picking their nose, or needing to use the loo.

[DazedandConfused254]

Originally Posted by Oyvind

1. of course it is! Whoever says they don't is either lying or asexual. Yup, your friends are lying to you.
2. *probably* not unless they involve harming people or animals (arousal methods?)
3. My advice: cut them and the religion that teaches this out of your life, and maybe help other people victimized by them.

^this

Thank you so much! This is a big time relief for me to see. As the son of two people in the medical field, I love the body; loving on and taking care of the reproductive/sexual system is no exception. Thankfully, I abhor anything that harms people or animals, I just want what's best for them and their talents and passions. But of course, I try to check people's intentions. If consent exists on both sides, then it's fair game. But if there's harm or coercion involved, don't get me started. And for the third point, you make good advice there. I've already been working on it, by gladly cutting those hoodlums out of my life and re-evaluating my beliefs after feeling like I've been brainwashed by others.

[AspiringAuthor]

I am not clear how being a son of two physicians who themselves explained the normalcy of masturbation to you you ended up in a church that is oppressive, sex-wise.

[DazedandConfused254]

Originally Posted by AspiringAuthor

I am not clear how being a son of two physicians who themselves explained the normalcy of masturbation to you you ended up in a church that is oppressive, sex-wise.

Well...they were never involved in the religious groups like I was in, they are much more traditional and realistic in those regards. But out of being desperate to find friends, I found some that looked good on the surface, so they let me go because they thought I was happy. However some of the people I spent time with ended up being part of a place that has a bad rep for cultish behavior and unrealistic beliefs, with me discovering their gruesome ideals later on. When my parents researched this place, especially their views of sex, and saw me so anxious to the point of needing meds, they no longer tolerated my presence there. So thankfully they helped me out of a bad situation even tho I was left on my own hook and was fooled later on. Parents know best

[AspiringAuthor]

Originally Posted by DazedandConfused254

Well...they were never involved in the religious groups like I was in, they are much more traditional and realistic in those regards. But out of being desperate to find friends, I found some that looked good on the surface, so they let me go because they thought I was happy. However some of the people I spent time with ended up being part of a place that has a bad rep for cultish behavior and unrealistic beliefs, with me discovering their gruesome ideals later on. When my parents researched this place, especially their views of sex, and saw me so anxious to the point of needing meds, they no longer tolerated my presence there. So thankfully they helped me out of a bad situation even tho I was left on my own hook and was fooled later on. Parents know best

Oh, when a psychodynamic therapist (insight therapy) would be useful to explore why you were so vulnerable and gullible. If you let yourself become curious as why this happened, you just might learn priceless lessons and even end up feeling grateful for the experience (as learning material).

[DazedandConfused254]

Originally Posted by AspiringAuthor

Oh, when a psychodynamic therapist (insight therapy) would be useful to explore why you were so vulnerable and gullible. If you let yourself become curious as why this happened, you just might learn priceless lessons and even end up feeling grateful for the experience (as learning material).

Agreed. I have been going through the therapy which you mentioned for six months now, and it's helped me tremendously in repairing my relationships and cleaning up my conscious a bit. Then when I digest the lessons I learn like food, and use it to help others, that's powerful reinforcement right there. But my therapist has not been as available recently so that's why I am grateful for PC on top of therapy.

[Bongo2015]

Hey there,

I know its been three months since the last post but just wanted to respond to this as going through some posts on this forum.

I was brought up in the Catholic church and went to a Catholic school and in that religion the need to relieve oneself in this way is for that religion wrong and sinful. I COMPLETLY disagree with this outdated viewpoint. I am no longer religious as I feel the need to repeatedly apologise for just being yourself (unless you have actually done something very wrong) unnecessary.

I was a very late developer and didn't have my first ejaculation until I was 22 (no joke). I know from research that people start several years earlier. Since then I have always masturbated. As someone who finds it hard making and maintaining relationships this is the only way I have ever found sexual relief. I think if I didn't masturbate I would explode.

I will admit I do watch porn (legal obviously) as a gay man and enjoy the sensations this gives. At the end of the day if your not harming anybody and it gives you pleasure then quite frankly who gives a crap?

[DazedandConfused254]

Originally Posted by Bongo2015

Hey there,

I know its been three months since the last post but just wanted to respond to this as going through some posts on this forum.

I was brought up in the Catholic church and went to a Catholic school and in that religion the need to relieve oneself in this way is for that religion wrong and sinful. I COMPLETLY disagree with this outdated viewpoint. I am no longer religious as I feel the need to repeatedly apologise for just being yourself (unless you have actually done something very wrong) unnecessary.

I was a very late developer and didn't have my first ejaculation until I was 22 (no joke). I know from research that people start several years earlier. Since then I have always masturbated. As someone who finds it hard making and maintaining relationships this is the only way I have ever found sexual relief. I think if I didn't masturbate I would explode.

I will admit I do watch porn (legal obviously) as a gay man and enjoy the sensations this gives. At the end of the day if your not harming anybody and it gives you pleasure then quite frankly who gives a crap?

No worries, any help I can get is perfectly timed.

I think the feelings are mutual about all that religious stuff. I've still kept my faith but I'm so over all the super-religious games people play. Most of it's about control rather than out of being friendly. As you've said when that relief comes, let it happen! How else can the body take care of itself when your single like I am?

Thanks for sharing

[unicornz]

Do what you feel is right.

[eskielover]

Brainwashing goes both ways.....sometimes society brainwashes people to believe that things are right that actually isn't. It isn't about what religion says but what God's WORD says that is what should guide our life IF you actually do believe in God. When society constantly says something is right that goes against what God's word says.....that is also considered brainwashing.

Just research both sides of the issue yourself & STOP asking others so you REALLY KNOW WHY you make the choices you make & they aren't just because others say so.

[Michael2Wolves]

Okay, I'll ask The Question.

Who cares what your friends think? It's none of their business, honestly. If they are so hung up about masturbation, then maybe it's they who have the issues, hmm? You have fantasies just like everyone else, and yours are always positive and loving and based on equality, not degrading or abusive, so what's the problem?

God designed you the way you are. He made humans with the capacity to enjoy themselves by themselves. Desire is not evil; if it was, the human population would have gone extinct after Thag rode his mammoth down the mountain and proclaimed that the gods of nature had spoken to him. If what you are doing harms none, and you aren't using it to abuse others or exploit them or degrade them, again, what's the problem? The only person you are responsible to is you. And if they lay a guilt trip on you, ask them, "Hey, did you get a new job as a travel agent? Because you're sending me on a guilt trip." Ask them, if God created humans with all these capacities, why waste time worrying over something so trivial when questions like what is consciousness and what happens at the edge of space are much more interesting to ponder? lol If they want to try to pry and put their nose into your business after you tell them it's none of theirs, then maybe they're not as friendly as you think?

[DazedandConfused254]

Originally Posted by Michael2Wolves

Okay, I'll ask The Question.

Who cares what your friends think? It's none of their business, honestly. If they are so hung up about masturbation, then maybe it's they who have the issues, hmm? You have fantasies just like everyone else, and yours are always positive and loving and based on equality, not degrading or abusive, so what's the problem?

God designed you the way you are. He made humans with the capacity to enjoy themselves by themselves. Desire is not evil; if it was, the human population would have gone extinct after Thag rode his mammoth down the mountain and proclaimed that the gods of nature had spoken to him. If what you are doing harms none, and you aren't using it to abuse others or exploit them or degrade them, again, what's the problem? The only person you are responsible to is you. And if they lay a guilt trip on you, ask them, "Hey, did you get a new job as a travel agent? Because you're sending me on a guilt trip." Ask them, if God created humans with all these capacities, why waste time worrying over something so trivial when questions like what is consciousness and what happens at the edge of space are much more interesting to ponder? lol If they want to try to pry and put their nose into your business after you tell them it's none of theirs, then maybe they're not as friendly as you think?

Exactly, thats the problem with the people I used to associate with. They were always in my business and made harsh black-and-white, rationalized assumptions against me while I had not yet set up boundaries to protect myself and my sexual beliefs.

The second paragraph of this response is a winner. I've discovered that for an overwhelming majority of the time "self-love" is just simply a harmless response to sexual desires. Last time I checked my Bible at home even the first chapter of the starting book said "Be fruitful and multiply". Simple as that. Digging the comeback ideas! I have to give a big LOL to that. Thankfully since making this thread I've got better ideas about who's my friend and who's not but in the possible case some big debate gets imposed upon me I'll think about you and this response