Wanting

This might not seem big to some but after being left impotent. I still feel the need for sex which in turn makes me so depressed all I do all day is think of different ways of solving my problem which leads to depression and so the cycle continues. I sort profession advice only to be told I'm on a cycle. Everyone's answer was find someone to talk to. Very frustrating
Help

Hello Daggy. I am sorry you're struggling. May I ask if the cause of your impotence is psychological or physiological? Do you know? Of course you still have sexual needs...that's natural and I'm sorry you're feeling deprived of that.


Are you in a relationship...a sexless one or are you single? I think if you meet the right partner, you could certainly get creative with ways around the ED to share sexual intimacy. When you say you were told by a professional that you are "on a cycle," what does that mean? I'm sorry if I missed a piece. What do you think would help you? Have you ever posted on the men-focused thread? I wonder if other men living with ED could offer ideas and support? I'm a woman and I don't know too much about that particular issue but I do know it's quite common. Sorry I don't have a great answer for you but wanted to show my support. I imagine you must feel very lonely sometimes? I hope you can find the sexual connection you're seeking. Take good care of yourself.

The cause of my trouble was cancer and once they took the prostate out they said not to worry .but they aren't the ones living with it. The cycle I was referring to is one of using all the products and then still failing. Getting depressed then more products and pills then more depression and so on.
I am married and have found I am more sensual to her now there is still something missing.
I went to the men's forum and I have a thread there from 2011 which notes how I have felt all these years.
I just say this sex thread and was reading and just felt I had to ask about sexual depression.
Thank you for your kind answer

You're welcome Daggy. Thank you for sharing your truth here. Not always easy to do. I think sharing our truths can be an important part of healing. I am so sorry that you went through cancer. I do not know what that feels like but I imagine it was very frightening and painful for you. Or still is? What's your current status, are you in remission? Or waiting to find out?


Were the products and pills you mentioned your efforts to deal with the ED or depression or both? I live with depression myself...been with me since very early childhood. Every person's experience of depression is unique but you certainly have my empathy. Anti-depressants never worked for me at all and produced unpleasant side effects so I've gotten very creative over the years with how I manage my low moods.


How about holistic healthcare? Are you open to that at all...at least to help take the edge off your depression? I find that it really helps me but some people get angry with me on PC when I mention it. I say each to their own but the older I get the more I find that traditional MDs only get us so far...and of course it depends on the issue we need help with. We need MDs for lots of things. And I also find that naturopaths (doctorate in naturopathy) and Traditional Chinese Medicine docs (PhD) have a lot to offer. My TCM doc got rid of my migraines and is helping me with anxiety and depression. I wonder if it would help you??


That certainly sounds complicated and frustrating for you to be married and connected and yet still not finding the sexual release you desire. I don't want to bother you with suggestions you may have heard a hundred times but I was wondering if you and your wife (or just you if you'd prefer) ever met with an experienced sex therapist? I had a friend who was struggling with sexual problems with her boyfriend (I don't know if he had ED but there was some sort of sexual barrier...she didn't mention details) and she told me that talking to a sex therapist really helped both of them.


I'll share a couple of links to threads I created. Just a couple of ideas...things that help me day to day with depression...and ideas I had to comfort people and provide a sense of connection. I am not trying to imply that these small things are cures or treatments as such but some of them are research-based (such as practicing daily gratitude). Feel free to join us on a couple of threads or not As I said, I know very little about ED but perhaps joining the threads could help with your sadness.


Be well!


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You do not have to avoid coffee.

Int J Cancer. 2019 Jan 15;144(2):240-250. doi: 10.1002/ijc.31634. Epub 2018 Nov 16.

Coffee and tea consumption and risk of prostate cancer in the European Prospective Investigation into Cancer and Nutrition.

Sen A1,2, Papadimitriou N2, Lagiou P3,4,5, Perez-Cornago A6, Travis RC6, Key TJ6, Murphy N7, Gunter M7, Freisling H7, Tzoulaki I2,8, Muller DC8, Cross AJ8, Lopez DS9,10, Bergmann M11, Boeing H11, Bamia C3,12, Kotanidou A12,13, Karakatsani A12,14, Tjønneland A15, Kyrø C15, Outzen M15, Redondo ML16, Cayssials V17, Chirlaque MD18,19,20, Barricarte A19,21,22, Sánchez MJ19,23, Larrañaga N19,24, Tumino R25, Grioni S26, Palli D27, Caini S27, Sacerdote C28, Bueno-de-Mesquita B8,29,30,31, Kühn T32, Kaaks R32, Nilsson LM33, Landberg R33,34, Wallström P35, Drake I35, Bech BH36, Overvad K36, Aune D8,37, Khaw KT38, Riboli E8, Trichopoulos D5,12, Trichopoulou A3,12, Tsilidis KK2,8.

Author information

Abstract

The epidemiological evidence regarding the association of coffee and tea consumption with prostate cancer risk is inconclusive, and few cohort studies have assessed these associations by disease stage and grade. We examined the associations of coffee (total, caffeinated and decaffeinated) and tea intake with prostate cancer risk in the European Prospective Investigation into Cancer and Nutrition. Among 142,196 men, 7,036 incident prostate cancer cases were diagnosed over 14 years of follow-up. Data on coffee and tea consumption were collected through validated country-specific food questionnaires at baseline. We used Cox proportional hazards regression models to compute hazard ratios (HRs) and 95% confidence intervals (CI). Models were stratified by center and age, and adjusted for anthropometric, lifestyle and dietary factors. Median coffee and tea intake were 375 and 106 mL/day, respectively, but large variations existed by country. Comparing the highest (median of 855 mL/day) versus lowest (median of 103 mL/day) consumers of coffee and tea (450 vs. 12 mL/day) the HRs were 1.02 (95% CI, 0.94-1.09) and 0.98 (95% CI, 0.90-1.07) for risk of total prostate cancer and 0.97 (95% CI, 0.79-1.21) and 0.89 (95% CI, 0.70-1.13) for risk of fatal disease, respectively. No evidence of association was seen for consumption of total, caffeinated or decaffeinated coffee or tea and risk of total prostate cancer or cancer by stage, grade or fatality in this large cohort. Further investigations are needed to clarify whether an association exists by different preparations or by concentrations and constituents of these beverages.


2018 UICC.


KEYWORDS:

Alcohol is more of a complicated subject, but with coffee there is mounting evidence that it protects against all sorts of trouble, including diabetes.


May I also suggest that you take a complete break from all treatments of any kind to try to solve the sexual impotence problem, because you are placing yourself on the very precarious path of building up hope and then having that hope crushed, and that leads to depression. Plus, you are so anxious and no treatments can counteract that. Give yourself a break, read up on the research about the safety - and benefits - of coffee - and try to enjoy incorporating coffee back into your life, and do not think about the sexual problem until 6 months from now.

Thankyou for supplying all that information.
I gave up coffee because of the incontinence i ended up with after the cancerous prostate was taken out.
Replaced by tea twice a day instead of 6 cups of coffee. The coffee didnt cause the cancer.giving up was a lifestyle change . One of many unfortunately. Sexuality is just in my head now that im impotent .also been diabetic for 10 years

Good choice Daggy. Coffee certainly wouldn't do you any favors with incontinence since it can have a diuretic effect. Coffee also affects the CNS which could trigger or exacerbate your anxiety. I know it affects mine and I love coffee. My TCM doctor has encouraged me to have no more than 1 cup of coffee a day. Ideally he'd like me to switch to tea but I don't like tea. Coffee can also increase inflammation in the body which we now know is not good for many health reasons. I know you're a man but something important I learned is that coffee can affect uterine health (not just the caffeine but other aspects of the coffee itself) so it was making my period pain worse. I just mention to demonstrate the point that I think you're doing yourself a favor by either radically cutting back or replacing. Anything you can do to reduce or eliminate irritants in your body is a good thing.


Of course sexuality is in your head...you're a human! It's not something you could just switch off.


I hope you can find some peace today Daggy

Thanks a lot for your kind input to my peovlem. Since i started talking more openly about how i feel and not just taking stuff laying down it has openened new channels of comunicarions as to what i want out of life so i can work towards it one way or the other .its not easy . Mistakes have and will be made . It is better rhan sitting doing nothing though.
Thankyou for the insiration to keep going

Why does life keep putting things up for me to jump over all the time?
If it is not one thing it is another.
If you try and fight the odds you are frowned upon.
How dare I want something better.
How dare I do nothing.
Its not rocket science
It is a wanting

Hello Daggy. I am sorry you're struggling. May I ask if the cause of your impotence is psychological or physiological? Do you know? Of course you still have sexual needs...that's natural and I'm sorry you're feeling deprived of that.


Are you in a relationship...a sexless one or are you single? I think if you meet the right partner, you could certainly get creative with ways around the ED to share sexual intimacy. When you say you were told by a professional that you are "on a cycle," what does that mean? I'm sorry if I missed a piece. What do you think would help you? Have you ever posted on the men-focused thread? I wonder if other men living with ED could offer ideas and support? I'm a woman and I don't know too much about that particular issue but I do know it's quite common. Sorry I don't have a great answer for you but wanted to show my support. I imagine you must feel very lonely sometimes? I hope you can find the sexual connection you're seeking. Take good care of yourself.

Well haven't I been kicked while down
So here is the story whether I was right or wrong is mute now.
So had been trying to find a buddy through my online friends and ph contacts.
Right or wrong I respected their answer. Which in itself was therapy for me giving me the courage to keep trying against the odds.
Until this morning when I rang an old gf
She herself has many personal problems but I was at least expecting a bit of empathy.
Well didn't she unload on me making me feel worthless and basically telling me my cancer was my fault and I was in her past?
Making me actually wonder why I even bother.
When I can just sit in the corner here and let life pass me by.

She would be crying and carrying on if I wasn't here
Fml