I'm desperate

I'm not the person to go out to bars and pick up women but I've been desperate just to feel that connection to someone. I was raped as a child but that was the only sexual experience I've ever had. I've craved intimacy for so long but at this point it just boils down to frustration. I'm so desperate to feel positive about myself sexually at this point that it is almost unbearable. What the **** is so wrong with me that I can't even manage that? Am I a terrible person for wanting to just experience sex as a normal functioning adult does? I've been debating posting in the addiction forum but I'm not addicted to drinking, it's just the only option I have to even try to put myself out there. I can't even talk to other people unless I'm drunk.. It just hurts at this point. I hate that I can't even have the normal experiences that everyone else has and am so desperate just to feel connected to someone. I'm so alone all the time, I can't stand it.

Hi, pinkrobots. I would think that one bad, first experience with sex could be a factor in what's going on with you? Have you considered therapy? It was helpful to me in this department.

Therapy would be my first recommendation obviously. Now if you choose not to attend maybe you should find someone whom you are comfortable talking to without alcohol. Then maybe you choose to see this person again. Then maybe you become a couple. Then you become intimate.

That is exactly what I did and now I’m marrying her.

Thanks for the replies. I do see a therapist, but I've been thinking about switching therapists because she hasn't been of much help. The only problem I have with trying to find someone is I physically can't talk to people without the aid of alcohol and even then it's not much of a conversation. I just can't seem to even make friends, let alone consider getting into a relationship with someone.