Why should I bother?

Why should I bother trying?
The world can just suck it up without my input.
Let it take care of me.
I'm calling a time out until it decides what it will do with me.

Ok here is the sex and gender bit just to put the icing on the cake.
Being impotent after prostate cancer I have been sitting in my corner doing the exercises they said to do. (Who knew there were so many muscles just to pee.)
Anyhow the time has come to either get an implant or just let it go. There has been no luck trying to ask ppl to help me with stimulation and after I'm basing myself so many times in asking. All I can see is becoming one of those old men smelling of pee you don't want to look at in your lives.
I asked my wife for a cuddle today and all she said was did you just marry me for sex.
I'm not the sort of person who keeps on saying they will do something or hurt themselves over and over.
Sex therapy and the such won't help or therapy.
I am crying out for an answer.
Shall I continue being nothing or risk it all on an implant for a lonely life anyhow?

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I had "the surgery" probably 20 years ago now. So I know something of what you're experiencing. However my experience of it was so different from yours I doubt there is much I can offer by way of advice. I do wish you the best with it though.

my Early morning thoughts are raw

Just place warnings all over the place
Because the crack I fell in doesn't appear twice.
I have managed to shut down everything I have put my handle to this week all from needing to say what I need.
Like trying to hold my breath I just have to come up for air.
The more I hold my breath the more I need air
Moral of that is the more I focus on the physical the more the mental side gets frustrated.
I can't do want I want because it is more trouble than its worth. I know.
So I just have to let everything fade away and let my mind go deeper into nothingness.
If I died at 80 that is still 20 plus years in solitude and pain.
Told you about the warnings

Here is something just to add to the circus.
I feel so mentally lost and in pain 24/7 add that to hallucinations from influenza to make life just dandy.

I'm afraid I get shorter-&-shorter on advice the older I get. My mind just seems to draw a blank. So I don't think I have much to offer you here. I do know something about letting one's mind fade into nothingness. I think that's where mine is headed. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it) if I were to make it to 80 I'd only have 9 years solitude & pain left. I'm hoping not to make it that long...

Feeling the loss of reaction makes a person so frustrated. Whether it is action or reaction the feeling of loss and inability plays havoc with a person's mental state.
Of late the mental situation is losing as well. If I hear "you will get over it " one more time the cracks that have appeared will just widen into a gap I can't escape from.
I'm not winning this battle