Fetishes keep changing

From what I can tell, most people have the same fetish all of the time, usually starting in their teens. And I do have one that started in my early teens and still have now (its a situation not an object), but there's other ones that come and go. Sometimes they are linked to the "obsessions" I have, sometimes they aren't. Sometimes they are linked to the main ongoing fetish, sometimes they aren't.

These are more short lived and then go away and then another one starts , but not always straight afterwards. They can last anywhere between two months to two years (roughly). The current one is my current obsession (an object). I started a new obsession about two weeks ago, and after a few days I started to get aroused at the thought of having one.

This object goes very well with the main ongoing fetish too so it's extra exciting. I fantasise about this a lot (both the object and situation together). I really want to buy the object and probably "act out" this fetish, but I don't know. This one doesn't involve anyone else.

This just doesn't seem normal.

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I'm certainly no authority on fetishes (or anything else either for that matter.) But my understanding is that, since most fetishes are considered to be mostly harmless, there's not much research that has been done with regard to them. And, as a result, I don't know if anyone would be able to say why you are having this experience of more short-lived fetishes that come-&-go. It's not an experience I have had. Perhaps there will be other PC members who will have had some similar experiences who can share their insights.

They are all harmless, but usually things I can't buy because they are too expensive or whatever. The fetishes themselves don't really bother me much, it's more the fact that they come and go. It seems weird compared to what I've read about other people.

There's something I've recently been thinking about this. I've usually been nervous about buying these obsession objects. Now I realise the ones I've been nervous about have also been fetishes. And I'm wondering if that's whats causing the nervousness.

Maybe it's not even nervousness, maybe its more arousal and I feel ashamed of that happening in public. I wouldn't do anything inappropriate in public, but it feels wrong to be aroused. I'm female so it's easy enough to hide (nothing visible like I assume might happen to man), but it still feels wrong. I even feel a bit uncomfortable writing about this here.

But maybe this is the real cause of the nervousness. Though I still don't know what causes these obsessions, or makes some of them fetishes. I feel like I'm desperately grasping at straws, trying to find a way to fix it, and maybe what I really need to do is just accept it.

Well... I don't know what your diagnoses are... assuming you have some. (I've never received anything in the way of a diagnosis from any of the mental health professionals I've seen over the years.) But, to me as a lay-person, what you describe sounds kind-of like OCD. So I wonder if, perhaps, this actually has more to do with OCD than it does with actual fetishes. I don't know... it's just a thought.

Of course I don't know what any of these obsession objects are you're talking about. But, without going into detail here on my end either, I'll just say I can relate to much of what you've written here. And I don't really have any answers either. It's something I've dealt with my entire life. I presume it has something to do with material that's stored in non-conscious areas of my brain somehow... or perhaps there's a genetic component. But saying that doesn't really help when it comes to trying to figure out what to do about it.

I suspect the biggest problem may simply be the nervousness & shame you're feeling. Perhaps if you could find a way to overcome that it would help. One small thing that has been helpful to me is just coming to learn there are many other people who share the same problems I've had. There were so many years when I presumed I must be the only person in the history of the world who had the "obsessions" I've had. Just coming to know I was far from alone has brought me at least a measure of comfort.

The brain is our biggest sexual organ. And cupid arrows strike us in agony, sometimes at things that are just devastating. In human affiars, nothing is as complex as our sexuality. It seems like theres a market for everything on the internet, for good or bad--often mixture. But if the other party is okay with it, or if it is just in your own place, what's the harm? If it's not going to harm you or others, what's the harm? What your describing might be a mixture of fear or humility, tht's a common affair really.

Well I did go to look for the obsession object the other day and there was no nervousness. I didn't get one because they were too expensive, but I had no problems going into shops and looking. So that nervousness is gone now, or at least under control.

What's confusing me most is how the fetishes change so much. Instead of just having one (or more) start in my teens and then always having them. That seems to be how other people are. I suppose it doesn't really matter. Just wondering why I seem to be so different.

Yes... I can see how this would be confusing for you. And I'm afraid I don't know the answer to that. What I do know is that I've had my own mixture of problems. Each one of them individually, it turns out, isn't at all unique. But how they got all twisted up together is the thing that confuses me. I guess each one of us who has these sorts of issues gets them in our own unique way. And perhaps there really is no explanation for it. It's just the way it is. Anyway... I'm glad you were able to go & at least look at your obsession object without nervousness. That's a step in the right direction.

Thanks. I've had to give up on that object but I still think about it (and fantasise about it).

I've thought about this a bit more, and I've realised it's not the fetish that's changing. It's actually the same, that one ongoing one. But the other things are more like themes, as they are themes for the obsessions. Not all obsessions become fetishes (or fetish themes) though. There's a few that haven't been. The current one definitely is. And when I'm fantasising, I'm using that object along with the fetish thing.

So I don't have changing fetishes, it's the same one but I get new "themes" from the obsessions. It's still weird but at least I understand that now.

Thanks for sharing this. I won't pretend to understand what it's about. But I'm glad you have been able to think through it & that additional insight into it has resulted from the process. That's a good thing...

I've had that actual fetish since I was around 10, I didn't really know what it was back then though. Now that I come to think of it, when I've fantasised about certain boys/men I've had a crush on, I've had that fetish in the fantasies.

And also I've fantasised about it with the various obsession objects, but in a different way obviously. I've also acted out a few, with some of the objects I've been able to buy, but for some reason the fantasies were better. These obsessions seem to serve as themes for this fetish. It all seems pointless.

You wrote that you've had your fetish since around age 10 but didn't really know what it was back then. I know, in my own case, I spent decades not understanding what was going on with me. (I don't think that's all that unusual.) And, actually, I didn't really even think about it that much. The things I did were simply things I knew I had to do (&, truth be told, wanted to do.)

I presume somewhere in my psyche I understood that it was "weird". I certainly learned early on that it was all stuff I had to hide & could never talk about with anyone. That is one great thing about the internet. It has really blasted away a lot of the isolation people who have things like fetishes can feel because, pretty-much no matter what it is, one can find others who share the same kinks. For someone like myself who spent the majority of life in hiding, it is little short of amazing!

You also mentioned having acted out a few fantasies but finding the fantasies were better. I would agree with this. I don't know why it is. But actually being able to put something, such as a fetish, into practice seems to drain a lot of the excitement from it. Suddenly it becomes mundane... just another thing you do. Perhaps it's like having a secret. It can be titillating to have a nice juicey secret. But once you tell it, it's no longer a secret & it's not exciting anymore... if that makes any sense.

For me, I'm too ugly to get a boyfriend so I had to act the fetish out myself, involving obsession objects mostly. I found it disappointing, the fantasies made me think it would be better. Maybe if it was with a man it would be different.

The fantasies involving my online crush (M) are far more exciting (and with a much better result at the end) than the ones with myself/objects. Actually, I haven't bothered to fantasise with the objects for a while. I've been doing it about M a few times and it's much more enjoyable. That's understandable I suppose.

I got the obsession object, well it's not exactly what I wanted, it's something similar and cheaper. I don't feel like acting out the fetish with it, not just yet. Maybe sometime. Maybe it's because I've been so busy and stressed recently, I haven't felt like doing it. I haven't been fantasising about anything (including M). I have 4 days free so I might calm down now.

Thanks for the update! I'm sorry you've been busy & stressed recently. But it's good you have 4 days free now. There's no need to rush into anything (I would presume.) Just do what feels right for you. Take care...

Well I tried to act out the fetish on the obsession object I got, and it didn't really work. Very disappointing. It was nowhere near as exciting as I imagined it to be, it was better in the fantasies/daydreams. I was excited about it beforehand, couldn't stop thinking about it. That's why I just went ahead and did it.

I'm just disappointed, frustrated and confused! I don't understand why these things don't live up to my fantasies. I always think it should be better, actually doing it, but it seems the thought of doing it is more arousing.

Yes I believe that's true. The fantasy is almost always more arousing than the reality. At least from my perspective, that is one argument for acting out a fantasy as long as doing so won't be harmful to oneself or others. Once you actually act it out in real life it can, at least sometimes, take some of the air out of the fantasy so to speak. Suddenly it just becomes mundane... no big deal. That isn't always the case though. Sometimes (& I've had this experience myself) doing something you've fantasized about can feel something like an accomplishment & leave you yearning to move on to the next step. Why some things just leave you deflated while others leave you yearning to move on to the next stage is something I don't know.

Another thing that can happen is that acting out on an obsession or a fetish can take the wind out of your sails (so to speak) for a while. But, after a while, your desire for it builds again. It's possible, I would guess, this may happen with you. You tried acting out the fetish & ended up feeling disappointed, frustrated and confused. And that feeling may last for a while. But after a bit of time, you may find the urge to try it again re-building. You may also find yourself coming up with new ideas, new variations on what you're doing that will re-energize your enthusiasm for it. This can sometimes become sort-of a vicious circle. You act on your fantasy & it drains away your enthusiasm for it. But then after a while your enthusiasm grows again & perhaps you come up with some variation on what you're doing that adds a new sense of excitement to it. So you try that & doing so drains away your enthusiasm again until you come up with yet another new variation... and around-&-around it goes. This is the sort of thing that can lead people down some very dark pathways always chasing some new, & perhaps more exotic, variation on what they're doing. If you find yourself heading down that road, then it really is time to get some help (in my opinion.)

This is exactly what happened. I started wondering why I thought it was exciting/arousing in the first place. I haven't tried again and I don't feel like I want to.

I think it's because I have to act it out with whatever random objects my ego chooses for the "obsession". Can't help feeling it would be a lot different with a boyfriend. When I fantasise about M, it is much better, but obviously I can't act it out with him. I've had a few fantasies about him recently, but I haven't with the obsession object, not since that time I tried. I feel like I've lost interest in that in a fetish way.

I've never tried to act out the fetish on the object again. I'm not even obsessed with it anymore, I've lost interest in the obsessions altogether now. I don't want to act out the fetish on it anymore and don't really fantasise about that. I did once when I was bored but lost interest quickly.

I still fantasise about M though, and most of those fantasies involve the fetish. And this is much more enjoyable than with objects/things. And I don't feel ashamed anymore, I'm not doing anything wrong. It's normal to have a crush on someone and since I can never be with him, I might as well be with him in my mind. I can do what I want inside my mind.

Yes you absolutely can do what you want inside your mind. This all sounds like progress to me.