Avoiding Intimacy due to Weight Gain

Hi. Lesbian here. I would really appreciate your thoughts and advises on this matter.
I tell / lie to women that I am not interested in dating anyone for 5 years now, or after I have gained weight to my current XL / XXL size. Neither do I have sex with anyone because of the fear of her seeing me naked and me seeing the look of disgust on her face.
After the years of abstinence, I decided to get drunk, I finally had the courage to have sex with a girl I met at a club 2 months ago. Since I was drunk and told myself that is was only a one night stand, I didn’t care what she thought of me and sex was good. However, we kept talking and met again to hang out. This is where I understood that if I want to have a connection with another human at all, it can only be someone whom I’ll never talk to and see again. The day I saw this girl again, she asked me if I am considering getting a plastic surgery done to slim my weist and get the curves on the right places. I brushed it off as being something I will probably not need to do since I don’t want to date anyone anyways. But it hurt me deeply.

6 weeks ago I met a girl and we really like each other. We talk, go out on dates and clubbing, we kiss and hold hands.. And she said that she likes me and wants to date me.
How do I tell her that I don’t want to have sex and that she is welcome to see, date and have sex with other women? Because I like her a lot, I was actually thinking about maybe trying to get intimate with her just one time, and make everything dark and keep my shirt on.. But I don’t think that she might be okay with it, and I will definitely not consider showing my body to a nice and such a good looking woman as her.

I need an advise. Do you think it would make sense to tell her the truth that I like and wish to date her as well? But that I don’t want to be naked and being touched in any way besides kissing because I don’t like the way my body looks, but of course, I am more than willing to give her whatever she wants and needs physically ( just without me getting it back )?

As much as it feels good to hear encouraging comments about body acceptance and that people can already predict how one looks under her clothes, the reality is different. Many women think that I am good looking and want to have one night stands or even date me.. but as soon as I go with the less scarier option of ONS and they see me naked, I become a disappointment.

FromGirlToGirl

I probably won't have any advice or words you'd want or need, but wanted to let you known read your post..

I suppose you could mention your thoughts here to her, but I also hope she ... Well helps you know, that some people- they see some thing else, than what we or others may see....
Meaning- some, they see someone's entire beauty, and want to express their love to whom the love and find beautiful.

Sorry if that sounds corny , but I did read your post, so trying best.. wish you the very best on what your journey may bring you.

"A laugh is worth a hundred groans in any market." Charles Lamb
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=da7StUzVh3s

Wow, that,s a huge one, well , you must have to face the first thing first, and that is your self esteem , if your self esteem is high and you completely love how you look you wont get worried about what someone else thinks about your shape and body , and that will definitely boost your confidence level