HELP!

Before I start, please don't judge me. It took me a lot of courage to talk about this and i'm really hopeless.

I don't know HOW and WHY it started and I'm really not trying to defend myself or find any excuse but I was kind of raped myself when I was younger by an older friend and since I can't find any explanation on what pushed me to do such a thing to my brother I can only think of that. Maybe I was really frustrated???

THE BIGGER PROBLEM NOW is that I feel like my brother has psychological problems. He doesn't want us to talk about love or marriage etc in front of him, when there's a kiss scene on tv he starts yelling at us to shut it down, he's always shy when we talk about that stuff and doesn't want to hear about it. He is now 14 and I keep telling myself he's gonna change but I feel more and more hopeless everyday. (He was always kissing us and hugging us and talking about love and stuff when he was younger)

I don't want this to sound weird but last week, I caught him masturbating and I was so happy to know that he wasn't having sexual issues at least..

I really don't know what to think.. I didn't mean to do such a thing to him.. When it happened he didn't push me away and thought i was actually asleep.. I was young and frustrated, I dont know why I did that, I didn't mean to do that, I don't know if it's called rape but I regret so much especially seeing how it's affecting my little brother. I don't know if he has these reactions when talking about love etc in front of his friends too but PLEASE PLEASE someone help me or tell me if I can do anything to stop this PLEASE!!!

Hello imsorryyy: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. Welcome to Psych Central.

I'm so sorry all of this happened to you (& your brother.) Yes what you did with your little brother was unfortunate... for the both of you. But you were a child yourself. And, as you mentioned, you had been "kind-of raped" yourself when you were younger by an older friend. To me this type of situation is one of the great sadnesses of human existence. Too often victims of abuse (sexual or otherwise) then unintentionally become perpetrators themselves. And the damage just continues on.

I'm not a mental health professional. So I can't offer you anything in the way of an authoritative reply to your thread. However my personal opinion would be there really may not be anything you can do to be of help to your brother. (I assume you would not want to, or feel you couldn't, talk all of this through with your parents.) How your brother is reacting to topics such as love or marriage may or may not have anything to do with what you did. (Perhaps it's simply young teenage boy stuff.) But, either way, I think that is something he may have to sort out for himself perhaps with the help of a counselor or mental health therapist. That is something he'll have to make the decision to do on his own though if-&-when the time comes.

The other aspect of this situation that is of concern, however, is what the guilt & shame you are carrying around regarding this incident is doing to you. Guilt & shame can do a lot of damage to a person over time if left untreated. So it may be that, at some point, you yourself may want to find someone you can confide in... again perhaps a counselor or mental health therapist. I think that is about what I can say regarding your concern. Perhaps other PC members will have other insights & suggestions they can offer. My best wishes to you. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

I recommend apologizing to him. Don't be specific about why your apologizing. Just say something like I'm sorry for what I did that hurt you. I hope you can forgive me. I promise it won't happen again.