I really Feel like some sicko freak (horrible/possibley triggering)

I'm 19, never had a boyfriend or even had a guy like me in that way.
I often masturbate (since i was 15 or 16) and i get really turned on really easily. If i think about it i also used to use poles to rub my groined against when i was in primary school (if i was caught i would just say i was trying to climb the pole).
I have fantasies about being a guy and how easy it would be to play with myself and about meeting a guy in the woods and making love to him on the spot. I get really turned on buy the thought of wetting myself, being peed on and anything to do with urine really. I also think about violence and animals. Are these sorts of fantasies normal?
I have depression and am scared i might be bipolar but I could just be using that all as an excuse because i really am a disgusting person
Its taken me ages to get up the courage to write something.
I really Feel like some sicko freak.

From
Filly

I am sorry you are struggling with these issues. Are you seeing a therapist?

Hi injured philly,

You sound perfectly normal...I didn't have a boyfriend till I was 29!! And now I have lots.... I am sure you will have one, it's just a matter of timing, I've found, and nineteen is very, very young, although what you feel is _real_. Masturbation is normal and healthy, anything can turn a person on!!

Yeah I agree...your human and have sexual desires like anybody else. If you've never had sex then that alone can intensify the need. I remember being young and a virgin and thinking about sex all the time, along with all the masturbation and daydreams. It's natural.

You're really being hard on yourself...to hard. In this sense, I'd definitely seek help, but as far as wanting to be sexual...that's human.

im going to disagree with the above posters. the being 19 and not having a boyfriend isn't something to worry about. but sexual urges involving violence and animals? i consider anything that hurts another being an abnormal when it comes to sexual urges. especially a defensless animal who cant say whether they object to it or not. thats why beastiality is illegal. i agree that you do need to seek help because these feelings can turn into actions and those actions might lead somewhere else even to the point of raping someone - but i dont know how much youre into the violence part. i would see a therapist to find out why youre having these feelings. ask them if they think its normal. everyone in here is going to have their own opinion and i think the only way to get a clear answer is from therapy.

Generally speaking, I don't recommend people worry about fantasy. The mind is a weird thing and sometimes there's some odd connections made up there that need to be worked out. Fantasy is a safe way to explore our darker side.

But I do agree with Saluki that the danger here is that you'd act out on these fantasies. Bestiality, violence, these things cannot leave your imagination for obvious reasons.

The other thing that concerns me is that all of this could be a symptom of another problem.

See a therapist and be honest with him or her about what you're thinking and feeling. This is the surest way to find a healthy way to be you.

Cyran0

The animals things is nothing i would ever act on because its cruel and also involves me being male.
And i never actually want the violence stuff to happen either.

From
Filly

Couple of the things dont sound out of the ordinary, and a couple of the things sound way over the top. Hurting animals: bad. As far as the peeing fetish, well some people like "golden showers" out there.

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injuredfilly said:
i also used to use poles to rub my groined against when i was in primary school (if i was caught i would just say i was trying to climb the pole).

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Well that part is almost funny.

ur not sick just have a sexual desire which is normal and possible a gender confusion and not having a b/f might cause some strange feeling especialy at tht age i dnk for sure

i'm 19 and a virgin too. I feel obsessed with sex. and i also feel like my sexual fantasies are sick too.

welcome to the club of the boyfriendless and sexless.

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SophiaG said:
i'm 19 and a virgin too. I feel obsessed with sex. and i also feel like my sexual fantasies are sick too.

welcome to the club of the boyfriendless and sexless.

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This just proves that you ARE normal!

I will tell you now what is NOT normal trust me!

What is NOT normal is thinking that something that is your nature like your fantasies or whatever you are doing alone is not normal.

The question if you like it and if you think that it presents who you are for real? I am pretty sure that you wouldn`t really do anything with an animal....because you DO FEEL BAD about these fantasies i believe that you won`t carry them out.

heck, somtimes i get angry

They feed us poizon from a very yourg age!

You know why i started trying to SI?
JUST BECAUSE OF THIS!

I would call myself a ***** and would feel SO BAD about this thing doing alone. It`s all one big lie we all believe and that is why we are ashamed.

I would like to see some`s fansasies if he is left alone without food i would like to see his fantasies about it!

Judging yourself about all that will just hurt you more and more and it will be you who are hurting yourslef inside. I know it all too well. I used study in a religious high school and there they say :
God is watching everything and everywhere! be modest!"

Hello? This is how God MADE us! Should we really be ashamed of that?