porn or woman

Why would a man want to look at porn when there is a woman waiting in the bedroom for him, and no I'm not big not ugly but am always horny and only new in the relationship (8months) affectionate in day cold at night man
WHY

I know where you are coming from, I have the post "caught up in a situation" the men are giving me some helpful advice. Except I have been married for 3 1/2 years, and now porn is an issue, as for the beginning of my relationship with him...no porn, it was all about us. i am not one for any good advice in your situation, but maybe if you read what the guys are writing in that post, it might help.

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casperbabe said:
Why would a man want to look at porn when there is a woman waiting in the bedroom for him
WHY

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From a wife whose husband went thru ten years of this stuff......
Because it is not about YOU - but rather it is about him what he has chosen as his "Drug of Choice" (the porn) to numb his wounds, stress or worries with.

depending on how often it is watched and if it is interfering in a substantial way to living life, and what type it is would determine for me wether its an addiction or not. There are millions of people out there who at one time or another or often who are not addicted. Because someone does something that you do not like or do not do does not automatically make it an addiction. If you dont want to live with it that is another story and your choice. that will have to be something that will take some time to work on as so many issues in marriage do. Which is why marriage should not be entered into unless you are sure and even then people do change. Im not saying any of this is your fault and he may well be addicted but that would depend on how often and to what degree he is doing it. Personally i find it boring after a few minutes, im more a hands on kind of guy.

This is WHY porn often becomes an Addiction........ (written from the male prespective - but true for females as well)

* * * * * * * * * *

<font color="blue"> YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE BRAIN TO YOUR SEXUALITY. </font>

Changes occur in the male physical body during the sexual act that not only changes its physical appearance, but also affects it physiologically in many ways when a man is being sexual. FACT – to be a sexually successful man, you must have a sexually successful brain. Typically what a man thinks about and focuses on is what he ends up doing.

While all the case studies confirm that men spend a lot of time thinking about sex many times throughout the day, we must ask the question why so many men are not having sexual success. One reason is because of the manner in which men are thinking about sex. Another reason is the men’s brains have actually been trained about sex. This faulty thinking and training hinders the sexual success that men could experience. The good news is that there is an answer for these problems. It is possible to create a sexually successful brain.

<font color="blue"> WHAT IS SEX GLUE? </font>

When a man ejaculates his brain receives its maximum chemical reward (more powerful than any illegal street drug). Critical to a man’s sexual success is understanding that whatever he looks at while having an ejaculation is what he will sexually connect or “glue” to.
Whatever his eyes focus on when he sexually releases - - - a person, image, object, will become etched in his brain as a photographic attachment toward that person, image or object. <font color="blue"> This called “SEX GLUE”. </font>
So after a period of time of having sex with the same person, when he sees her, he is going to feel attached to her.

Hence the reason why lights should always be on during lovemaking and eyes wide open – make the eye contact to insure mental bonding of the two.

(This process is true for both men and women during sex)

<font color="blue"> A true fact: </font>
Men will emotionally and sexually become glued to what ever it is that he views through the eyes during his sexual release, even that of a once youthful, beautiful and slender wife that has now put on little weight and is changing with old father time. Not to mention what happens to the body after giving birth to a few of his children (smiles).

Why cant it be both ? I have no problem with it if hubby wants to look at porn then its fine if he dont then he dont I personnaly cant see the interest in it but if it toots his horn then fine.

As long as I am not left out of course cos if that happend then I would be shouting from the roof tops.

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Tishie said:
Why cant it be both ?

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Both - works for some, but many do not care to share their MAN with another woman (real or porn).

Using porn is a personal choice for all concerned..... just beware that it could become an addiction for your man over time and it could replace you over time - then you would be left out.

I know my husband.

I thought I could quit at anytime too......

I am into porn to no problems there, and my partner looks at them and nothing happens, I can drive him wild and he lays there and laps it up, l get no touching out of him on my back or leg or any part of me while touching him
l get zip in return, I love sex. I didn't no a girl could orgasm till l was 29 so l think thats why l want it so bad now.
but partner just wont give it to me. he says it cos l girls in his past that has turned him off. so how am l to turn him back on when he want come to the party . this is 8 months now and boy have l tried so hard to wake him up. I even took pictures of my self and sent them to his email.
his reply was he looks at porn as why do they do that, not as to turn him on.
As there are some weird porn out there. He can come to bed after looking at them and still go straight to sleep. no turn on

I like porn it has tort me a lot of new things and it can be shared with the partner, exploring new things . I found it very helpful as after 3 kid all l new was lay there for the man nothing else.
BUT LOOK OUT NOW HEHEHEHEHE

rhap - the way you talk about it makes it sound like a husband is a posession. i dont want my boyfriend looking at porn but if he does that's his choice and i need to either get over it or leave. what he does in his spare time has nothing to do with you. once again, instead of trying to form someone into who you want them to be, either get over it, or leave. people will not change for you unless they want to change themselves. and if they do change for you it will eventually go back to the way it was and they will resent you. if you dont like the porn, then get out of the relatinship

wow that seems harsh. I think rhap said her husband use to look at porn. maybe I need to go back and reread that.

the caps is what made it look like that to me. she said something like "some women dont want their MAN looking at porn." which to me sounds like a posession.

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salukigirl said:
rhap - the way you talk about it makes it sound like a husband is a posession.
what he does in his spare time has nothing to do with you.

people will not change for you unless they want to change themselves. and if they do change for you it will eventually go back to the way it was and they will resent you.

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Not at all... a husband nor a wife is a possession of any one - but when you choose to stop being bf & gf and commit your life & body to each then get married you are now sharing your life with another and with that you do promise to leave certain "single people activity" behind....... forshaking all others for one and another.

And with out sounding mean or harsh (for that is not my intention) - You evidently really do not know much about the deep rooted problems involved in getting help and recovering from a sexual addiction (any addiction) - as one usually will need the help of another if not many others to get over their addiction.... and they will usually fight all help in the beginning (even when they desire to stop) - that is why the demand must come into play when one partner in the relationship fails to meet the promises they made to each other - to give that little extra push to get them started.

.... my husband fought at first - but now after a ten year struggle (six years free) he thanks me for demanding he stop - this thanks did not (probably could not) take place until after the addiction was gone.

i promise to stop when i need glasses

again porn may be an addiction for some people just as cigarettes, chocolate, the computer can become addicting for some people, but the majority will not become addicted but may enjoy it. You start treating your spouse like a possession and chances are you will be alone sometime in the near future.

There is a difference between what some see as possession and others see as RESPECT.

And..... as I stated earlier -
Porn is a Personal Decision, but not one to be taken lightly or with out marital consequence when committed to another (body & soul) for LIFE.

If a person wants all the porn their eyes desire - then stay SINGLE - as some spouses may not care for it.

Totaly agree Joe !

Brian, I have no intention of asking him to stop so it isnt and will never be a problem will it.

I do not find porn threatening to my marriage if anything it helps it as I dont always want to make love and he can use the porn as he needs to visualise when I dont ....

Not everyone is cut from the same cloth.

how is respect ever mistaken for posession? that seems like an odd thing to mix up.

what happens when people change, rhap? just because he's the man you marry today doesn mean he will be in 10 years. so the stay single thing doesnt really work considering people change all the time. and if you change apart from each other then its not really for LIFE. the way you put it makes it sound like you treat marriage very religiously and sacred and many people don't see it that way. just because you do and they dont doesnt make you or them bad. but it also means that just because you feel that you must change your husband's problems because you guys made vows, doesnt mean everyone has to. there is no reason why they absolutely have to stay together, so we don't need to treat the situation as they will definately stay together. if they dont, they dont. seeing marriage as that kind of a bond is a personal opinion, not universal.

Yep.