Sex and guilt

Hi,

I'm 23, openly gay and I think to have some issues. I feel guilty when I masturbate or when I date or have sex with someone. I feel like something bad has/is going to happen to me or to what/who I care most, because I have to be kinda punished.
This issue appeared about one year ago. Never felt like this when I was younger.

Does anyone have any suggestion or experienced anything similar?

Thanks in advance for the answers.
Saluti

One question I have to ask is....... Were you ever sexually abused as a child?

I ask this question as it could be the core reason you are feeling as you do...... old wounds being resonated?

Second question would be... Have you ever been made to feel dirty about sex due to religious up bringing?

I ask this question as I have dealt with people that were made to look upon sex as a ugly thing - something that only perverts part take in.... and this is not true.

Third Question.... Do "YOU" feel dirty about being gay due to what the public eye says?

If yes... then you and you alone will have to come to terms with who you are and know that you are lovable no matter what you sexual orientation is... and until you do this you will forever be living in some else's insecurity.

Hi Rhapsody,
first of all thank you for your reply. I've answered to your questions.

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Rhapsody said:
One question I have to ask is....... Were you ever sexually abused as a child?

I ask this question as it could be the core reason you are feeling as you do...... old wounds being resonated?

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No, I never was.

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Rhapsody said:
Second question would be... Have you ever been made to feel dirty about sex due to religious up bringing?

I ask this question as I have dealt with people that were made to look upon sex as a ugly thing - something that only perverts part take in.... and this is not true.

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My therapist has deep religious convictions and I was told by him that I should prefer abstinence rather than having sex with people, but I'm not the kind of guy who looks people for sex or has sex with a different guy every night. That is why I've answered him I've always felt free and as I'm an adult and my partners are adults too and we both know what we're doing, having respect for each other, abstinence was not the way for me.

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Rhapsody said:
Third Question.... Do "YOU" feel dirty about being gay due to what the public eye says?

If yes... then you and you alone will have to come to terms with who you are and know that you are lovable no matter what you sexual orientation is... and until you do this you will forever be living in some else's insecurity.

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Well I came out to my parents five years ago and eight years ago to my friends. I did that because I wanted they knew the "real me" and when I did it I didn't care who would have accepted me.
But now I have to admit that my sexual orentation brings me to have fear I'm gonna lose closest people to me, if I don't "turn straight" (ex. my father or my sisters). I also know that my family should love me unconditionally, but what if this does not happen? What if people who are the world to me cannot accept me for who I am? Is this, in your opinion, the reason of my issues?

Hope to hear from you soon.
S.

Doesn't anyone have an opinion to help me figuring out, please?

when you say that you fear that the people closest to you will turn away unless you turn straight - did they say that they want you to become straight?
Since you told them (friends and family) - have they turned away from you? Are they not accepting you?
Maybe it's your own fear that is making you experience guilt?
Maybe it isn't guilt? Maybe it's something else?

Hi Rose,

thanks for your reply.

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Rose3 said:
when you say that you fear that the people closest to you will turn away unless you turn straight - did they say that they want you to become straight?

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Yes, they hope I end up with a girl and never accept "other kind of choice". I don't know if it's a matter of time and they change their mind eventually or not.

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Rose3 said:
Since you told them (friends and family) - have they turned away from you? Are they not accepting you?

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My friends love me. They are always supportive and my being gay has never been a problem. Maybe this is because my friends are straight girls and gay guys, I have a very few straight male friends.

My family keeps on loving me, hoping I will "change my mind" and chose another way.

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Rose3 said:
Maybe it's your own fear that is making you experience guilt?
Maybe it isn't guilt? Maybe it's something else?

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I perceive guilt and fear. I really don't know if it is something else. How could I know?

Have you tried to look closely at your fear and guilt. Like when does the guilty feeling start... when you are getting ready to go out (i.e. anticipating having sex), during the actual act, or does the guilty feelings follow the sex. Maybe your guilt stems from some unconscious belief that you don't deserve to feel good. Or maybe as Rhap suggested stems from being taught that sexual feeling or pleasure is evil or bad. You might consider when you feel fear the same way. This might help you determine what exactly you are fearful of.

I've started to try and distract my mind when the guilt and fear start creeping in. I don't know if this is a "recommended" technique or not. Just a thought to try. Its help me a little bit.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Rhapsody said:
One question I have to ask is....... Were you ever sexually abused as a child?

I ask this question as it could be the core reason you are feeling as you do...... old wounds being resonated?

Second question would be... Have you ever been made to feel dirty about sex due to religious up bringing?

I ask this question as I have dealt with people that were made to look upon sex as a ugly thing - something that only perverts part take in.... and this is not true.

Third Question.... Do "YOU" feel dirty about being gay due to what the public eye says?

If yes... then you and you alone will have to come to terms with who you are and know that you are lovable no matter what you sexual orientation is... and until you do this you will forever be living in some else's insecurity.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">


hi im a new member here
same feeling she felt the difference is yes I am sexually abused when I was a child, I think I already get through it...

now Im age 27, i made a sex with a man I felt that Im mistreated, because he got away after we made sex and all his promises like marriage after the sex is broken.

I have a religious upbringing, my morality kills me desperately . I feel rejected and alone. Depressed and I feel that no one will ever accept me for who I am after what I did to my self

Hope you can help me

(((((((((italianguy))))))))

Hi! I think that is what guilt is all about. It brings you discomfort. You fret over every action you take as to its possible negative consequence to others, even if this means that you must ignore your needs and wants. Since you already confessed that you are gay, you should no longer feel guilty about what your doing. Its just a state of mind. For as long as you believe you havent done anything wrong that will harm others in some ways, then your free from it. Its understandably that you are feeling liked that because of our current social mores and norms and especially if you have a religious upbringing. But you see, for as long as you happy with your decision and that you are not stepping on other peoples feet then it is ok. Off course, I am not saying that being gay is okay but for as long as you are happy and contented with what your feeling regardless of what your sexual preference is then it is okay. This is only a proof of your superego contradicting your id. The internalized moral standards and ideals(superego) versus the pleasure principle (id)which strives for immediate gratification of all desires, wants, and needs. What your experiencing right now is just the Interaction of the Id, Ego, and Superego. As for you my friend, you must have a good ego strength to be able to effectively manage these pressures.

In "Conversations With God' it says about sex, that we as a humanity feel guilty for sex because we feel guilty for having most kinds of pleasur overall. I htink i will bring it and quote from it

"YOu believe that God doesn`t want you to feel good about things, to enjoy, especially physical pleaseure like sex

The good new are that it`s o.k to enjoy it! It`s o.k to love yourselves!
It`s essential!

Try ssaying:

"I love sex
I love money
I love myself!

here are a few more htings that you shouldn`t love:

fame
power
success
victory

is this enough? but wait, here is the worse guilt: to get to know God.

isn`t htis interesting? All your life people told you to feel guilty for the things you love the most"

Italianguy, are you catholic? I ask because that could play a role in the "feeling guilty"...as in my case I know it is.

Just a thought.