[iamtwilight]

i just moved in with my boyfriend. and i'm wondering if sometimes someone prefers autoeroticism (aka masturbation) to sex. i know he has at least one jenna jameson movie, and some other stuff that was labeled pornography - it doesn't bother me since i sometimes watch some myself (though only when i'm alone and i haven't caught him watching when i'm there). i just wonder how it's going to work out. if sometimes people need some private time.

this wasn't a problem when i moved in with my best girl friend - but we weren't having sex and i was feeling like crap back then anyway so absolutely 0 sexual desire. now that i'm having sex with someone... i have faced the fact that eventually the "daily" will become "weekly" or less.. and maybe that sex will be replaced by masturbation.

gah, i wish i was like cassandra mortmain in the book i capture the castle. in it she says,

i know all about the facts of life, and don't think much of them.

any experiences? esp. from those who have been living with their partner for a longer time.

many thanks,
twilight

[Rhapsody]

What can I say, but that moments like that usually take place when one is home alone, therefore, it is usually not a problem for the other partner.

[Kendyll]

My BF actually goes out of his way to give me some "private time".
We agreed when he moved in with me that personal space is still important, and every Sunday, he goes out to run errands and visit friends. We'll joke about giving me time to "do my thing", but it's actually really cool. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't - but i can if I want to.

He's home during the day by himself, so he's got his own "private time" built in.

It seems that we both understand that masturbation has nothing to do with how we feel about each other or how desirable each other is. It's about the fact that once in a while...it's just different by yourself and sometimes different is good. We have plenty of sex and it's wonderful but each of us does still, once in a while, just want to do our own thing.

It's definitely something I would TALK about. There was a time when I thought that my partner's masturbation meant that I wasn't a good lover or that they didn't love me anymore. I know better now, but I used to feel really insecure! Talk to him. See how he feels about it. See how you feel about it.

[BlueFaith]

[iamtwilight]

thanks ever so much guys. =)

sorry i don't know what else to say, i just wanted to let you know i'm very grateful for the input!

hugs,
twilight

[e_sort]

Kendyll is right. it has nothing to do with anyone being a bad lover. just convenience / variety. i say this having been with the same man for 11 years.

personally, i don't see the necessity to discuss it, but i think generally it's good to be open to discussing sex.