Why is sex so akward

I can't remember if I posted this before, but nontheless I wanted to speak about it.

For some reason I can't get past the akwardness of sex. This includes oral, intercourse, etc. It may be due to the fact that I am highly self concious of my body. The females that I discuss this with brag about how great heir sex life is while mine is barely existent.

I've only ever had intercourse one three occasions throughout the first two years of high school. All were "unplanned" and the guy was more of a "bang ya and leave" kinda person. I wanna blame raging hormones for those incidences because I'd only known the persons for two weeks - 2 months.

I used to think, "I bet everyone thinks I'm easy." And they did. I wasn't doing it to screw around with everyone. It was a 'caught in the moment/impulsive' kind of thing. I was very impulsive in those days but then logic took over and stopped fooling around all together.

Right now there's my current lover, who I've known for about seven or so years. We never made a commitment about staying together. We'd see each other between having a boyfriend or girlfried. Right now we don't really see each other as much because he's always really busy as well but when we do we kind of fool around. "Dry humping" or whatever you call it.
But recently we expirimented with oral. He's tried this a few times before which ended with me getting too embarrassed to do anything and stopping him. Then I tried and found him looking at me while I was doing it and I got embarrassed and ran off.

My psychologist says we should 'discuss' what we like and what we don't. But everytime she brings up the subject in therapy, my answer is muffled because I'm hiding my blushing face in a pillow.

I want to be comfortable with sex for future reference and everything but I dunno. Help?

First - you need to allow your mind to believe that sex is a wonderful part of life and that you are entitled to enjoy it.... can you so that? - if not, what is it that is keeping you from enjoying such a beautiful thing?

I don't know. Because it isn't beautiful to me. I mean, not yet anyway. I have the persepective that sex organs (i.e. penis, vaginas) are not beautiful compared to the ones you may see in porns or something. Like how most people might not look like models on tv. I know real life isn't like that but media and tv gets our hopes up in the sense that we will look like what the beautiful people they advertise if we buy their products or something.

Anyway, one day, when we can actually get privacy to settle down and maybe even plan the action, then it'll be beautiful. Until then I think I'm stuck turning away every time his pants are around his ankles. I think we should stop trying to force it.

Yes I agree.... forcing sex is never a good thing... first work on you and your feelings then see where the sex thing leads.

How do you feel about cuddling and just being close to his body with out sex?

I was very shy but interested in sex as a pre-teen and a teenager. I learned to deal with that and became comfortable talking about sex (to the dismay of some people in my company, LOL!) by reading about sex--both for pleasure (like erotica or looking at sexy images) and for information (such as sexual health, techniques and how everything works). That really went a long way in me becoming comfortable with it, because it's a private way of examining sex, and masturbation helps, too, because you learn to be more comfortable with your body.

There's no rush, and you shouldn't force yourself to have sex when you're not ready or comforable. If your boyfriend cares, he'll understand that you just need to educate yourself (again, there's no timetable, whatever pace suits you), and find out what pleases you by yourself. That's the way we learn how to teach others how to please us. Men and women don't automatically know how to please a lover, even if they've had many, because everyone is different. So, if you know what touches please you, what movements get you going, you can show someone else, so they can do that for you.

Eventually, you have to try to let someone else in, to experiment with, but that person should be understanding and patient. If they're not, if they pressure you or rush you, then end it right there and find someone who is right for you.

I cuddle with a lot of people, in the sense that I am extremly clingy. But cuddling leads from one thing to another. I am very comofrtable around my boyfriend. He's comforting and understanding, mature and intelligent, and an all around nice guy. (Not the kind who finishes last) Being close to him brings a sense of security to me.

Well it's nice to know I wasn't the only one like that. My friends and I read erotica or watch, but if I had to do it alone I wouldn't be able to bring myself to buying anything. (Like a book or anything) It just seems so... embarrassing. While I am pretty sure the cashier doesn't give a hoot about what get's me off, I still can't do it! (Part of a social akwardness that is currently plauging me).

In the end, they say practice makes perfect, but I'm so inexpirienced that I can't even kiss properly. And how exactly would I bring this up to my boyfriend? It's not really something that comes up in a conversationg like, "Hey, would you like it if I touched here or there?"

We really seem to "learn by doing". He knows when he does this certain thing (technique withheld on account of embarrassment) that it gets me riled.

I think there are ways to discuss this kind of thing "between the lines" without being too direct. Like when someone says "don't stop" or "right there" or something like that. Then it obviously indicates their partner likes that. I think I'll start with that.

Hi cfh1167.....

I'm not a big fan of steriotypes but sometimes you just can't avoid the Truth....

You know the one about us guys and our resistence to ask for directions...You know how we will always tell you that we know where we're going and one more turn and we'll be right back on track...

Meanwhile we just keep getting more lost.

Yep..I'm one of those guys...stubborn to the bone...

Well,,to answer your question from above...yep,,that's all there is to it...talk to each other...give gentle loving direction...There is nothing embarrassing in trying to make your partner happy and in being pleased in return...

Communication in all things leads to greater satisfaction in those same things...In this particular case I enjoy taking direction....

Happy Talking.....

Lenny

Thanks. But I can relate with that statistic. I think it makes us look more, in control or y'know, cool, for lack of a better word.

Just remember that Sexual Satisfaction is 90% Mental.... lose that and you will never have the 10% Pleasure.

On getting books and other aids...you can do it online, remember. No cashier or embarrassment to worry about!

Okay, so for women, being intimate (even without sex) is 90% mental. How do you get... that? If that made any sense...

Even when its something I really want and really get into, I still can't... I'm not sure what I"m trying to say... completely let go? I certainly can't reach the finish line in any way, shape, or form...

IMO - you have to clear the mind of any negative memories that may stress you out or leave you feeling insecure where your sex life and partner is concerned... and leave work at the office dont bring it home with you.

SEX is a STATE of MIND.... good in good out - bad in bad out (or nothing)

Yes, but here we have lack of credit card.

I do believe some online places take money orders and bank cards.