[Renovation]

I have only been able to get a full 8 hours of sound sleep a handful of times in my adult life (over 30 years). I took Ambien, which helped at first but after many years on it it proved ineffectual. I am now taking Temazepam along with some natural supplements (5-HTP, melatonin and theanine) that were recommended to me by an acupuncturist. I am going to start to place more focus on sleep hygiene and using relaxation techniques to fall asleep and fall back at sleep. My main issue lately is waking up early.

Last night, I changed my routine. I didn't watch TV and wrote in my journal focusing on positive and compassionate thoughts. I also washed my teeth and face, something I hardly ever do. I also did stretching and breathing exercises; again, something I don't normally do. I was pretty tired when I went to bed because I hadn't slept a lot the two previous nights and had done a vigorous workout earlier in the day. I went to bed earlier than usual at around 11pm. I fell asleep fairly easily. I think about how much I love my wife and how grateful I am for this love, which tends to relax me. I have read that consciously thinking about emotions like love and gratitude at bedtime help you fall asleep. This does tend to work for me.

The problem I had last night was that I woke up pretty early (which is my typical sleep problem). I didn't look at the clock but I'm guessing it was 330am to 430am. I was really thirsty, so I got up and had a glass of water and then felt a need to wash my teeth again - I haven't washed my teeth in months (just got out of the habit, which I am now trying to change). Went back to bed and had a tough time falling back asleep. My mind tends to race worrying about being unemployed, looking old, not being sharp-minded, our financial situation and the uncertainty of my future. I have thoughts of anger about people who previously supported me and now are nowhere to be found.

A number of years ago I took Paxil to help quiet these thoughts and it did help at first but after awhile I didn't like the side-effects and began to have more confidence in social situations (which was another reason I took the Paxil), so I got off of it because I wanted to ween myself off drugs. So to help quiet my mind last night I started to shift my focus from thoughts about me to concentrating on inanimate objects and patterns. This took awhile because my mind would race from one imaginary object to the next. I imagined beautiful crystals or marbles in different patterns and colors. After awhile (around 5 or 6am) I was able to fall back asleep and woke up a bit before 9am. I told myself it was OK to sleep in on Sunday and recognized that I needed to catch up on my sleep.

When I was finally able to fall back asleep I dreamt that my teeth were falling out. They were small teeth and kept falling out continuously by the dozens. I have had this dream before. I read that it is a common dream and that it signifies fear of loss of control, vulnerability, anxiety, financial insecurity, fear of failure and that it might also have to do with other insecurities dealing with appearance. I looked really tired yesterday and remember thinking that I looked old when I looked in the mirror at the gym. And I had one of the trainers at the gym say that I looked hungover. Most days, I don't feel this way but if I only get a little sleep and workout hard I suppose anyone would look/feel tired. Fortunately, this doesn't happen everyday. Anyway, I would rather be able to sleep and have these types of dreams that not be able to sleep at all. I find that I am able to rebound pretty quickly in the morning and not dwell on whatever negative thoughts I happen to be feeling and then put myself in a better frame of mind by reciting or writing positive affirmations. Today's are:

- My inner wisdom grows stronger and clearer everyday
- I exude love, joy and positivity
- I am enthusiastic and generous

I give thanks for PC. It is so helpful to have a place where I can "unload" and collect my thoughts. I am going to start keeping a sleep journal here to help me stay focused on improving my sleep hygiene.

[Perna]

Oh, I hate those anxious thoughts in the middle of the night! I worry about my husband dying and getting old and being alone, etc.

My sleep cycle is horrible too but I'm retired so can sleep in every morning or go back to bed (like I did today). I was dreaming of being in the woods in the fog when I was napping this morning/early afternoon :-) It was a little lonely/quiet and spooky.

I would think you were dreaming about teeth because you were focusing on cleaning them :-) Teeth dreams are common and often have to do with looks and you did say a couple times you're worried about looking old, etc.

I vary the different things I take to get to sleep; one night I'll take nothing, one night I'll take a Zyrtec, one night a Benadryl and another an Advil PM, etc. I mostly don't take anything (since I don't have to get to work or anywhere the next day) and I, too, am trying to get my sleep hygiene more consistent so I go to sleep similar times each night and get up same time, etc.

You might have your thyroid and other hormones checked? Guys have problems with thyroid too and that can mess with one's sleep (what most of my problem is).