Last night I had a dream that may seem silly to others, but was really disturbing to me. I was in the bathtub full of warm water and my brother knocked on the bathroom door, saying I had been in there for hours and asking if I was almost done. That's when my body felt weird and I realized I was wearing clothes - specifically, the pajamas that they make you wear in the psych hospital. I felt extremely heavy, but really wanted to take the clothes off so I began to take the things off, one piece at a time. It felt almost impossible because the clothes weighed a ton.

Then I looked and saw that the door was open...fortunately there was a curtain covering the tub that I could see through but they couldn't see me. Different family members began walking by and asking about me, if I was almost done. I was still trying to take the clothes off, and feeling very tired and helpless. Then I woke up.

To give a bit of background info, I realized about a week ago that the reason I won't take showers is because I had to take showers at the psych hospital, which I've been to 9 different times, and absolutely HATED IT. So since then I have been taking baths...they feel more safe and comfortable. This has been on my mind a lot, so I'm guessing that's why I had this dream.

Any input would be greatly appreciated, thank you.

[venusss]

Past weighting you down? You try to get rid of it, but it is still with you?

[Perna]

You take baths now but shower in the hospital but you were wearing your hospital pj's in the bath.

When I had "opposite" dreams like that, I was working on un-merging my mother (died when I was 3, was sick all my life, I don't consciously remember her) and stepmother. Until my t and I worked for 2+ years hard on that, I had nothing to refer to my mother as and could not refer to my stepmother as "stepmother," she was my "mom."

I remember one dream where I was trying on my mother's 1940 wedding gown (was my grandmother's before that, in 1911, hand made in Paris) and the second time, when I came for a fitting, it had been messed with and was wrecked or there was a different dress or something; there were two dresses/someone else had been there between me and trying it on the first time, I was trying it on twice, etc.

It reminds me a little of this dream of yours where you're mixing and matching different features, as if you have trouble getting them straight. My father married my stepmother when I was 5 and I was ready/wanted a mother and just glomped onto her only she wasn't a good match for me, was not my actual mother like I wished with my young child self. Even into therapy, I'd refer to that wedding as when "We" got married; not my father and stepmother. I can still remember too, when my father would come home from work and hug/kiss my stepmother hello, I'd worm in between them, with, "Me, too! Me, too!" obviously jealous/not wholly understanding the differences yet between my parents and myself as individuals.

Your brother knocked; would he actually have done that? (I have three brothers, the idea of privacy/a sibling knocking stretches the imagination? :-) What is the relationship between you and your brother? Various members of your family walking by and being concerned but not intervening in any way or being part of your experience, etc. like the bathroom was a "shell" around you, your skin, your experience with yourself versus your experience out in the world, etc.?