[Willowleaf]

I am now at the end of my tether. Not sure anyone can help but thought it was worth a shot. Every time I fall asleep I watch someone die either by killing themselves or murder. Sometimes it is someone I know sometimes it isn't. What is always the same is the detail. Even days later I can recall the screams, the struggle the pure horror of it all. Tonight I watched a small boy being murdered, his head bashed repeatedly agains a wall in an elevator. I can tell you in detail what it sounded like. Seeing something like this in real life would be a major trauma in itself. I've watched people being burnt to death, commit suicide in their car, even die in cola mine explosions.
I now no longer want to sleep again ever. But the rational part of me says stop it and go to sleep. My life has turned into a nightmare. As for where it stems from, 3 years ago a child died in my arms through a trauma. I resuscitated her and it ended well, but something happened to bring these memories back a week ago, just when the dreams started. Don't think it can be a complete coincidence.

[Thunder Bow]

What happened? A week ago? Are you taking it out on Yourself? Need more details in order to be of help.

[Willowleaf]

Nothing major. I had to do a paediatric first aid course and and go over resuscitation. I was worried about it. The dreams started the night before and have continued. If I can make myself completely exhausted and only allow myself about 5 hours sleep, I generally don't get the dreams, but I have a medical condition which is made worse by lack of sleep so need to sort dreams out.
I think they are also about changes I am trying to make in my life at present, but the problem is understanding why isn't helping in stopping them. I have a horrible feeling this is just something I am going to have to live through.

[kaliope]

can you try really relaxing before going to sleep. no stim at least an hour before. maybe some herbal tea. do some deep breathing and go to a safe place as you drift off to sleep. you could even imagine saving a life before going to sleep and maybe that would release the anxiety and prevent the dreams. who knows. i hope you get some peaceful sleep soon.

[Thunder Bow]

Did you save a life? for real? in real life?

[persony]

ur not alone! i get really bad dreams too of killings etc horrible hey