[hedgie27]

OK, well I have been having this strange dream and I can't figure out why or what it means. Let's just say I am really close with my teacher (I'm not lesbian, we are both female; she is like a mother to me, and I do have a real mother) I am just really close with her and can trust her no matter what happens.

It starts out where me and my teacher are alone in a room talking about something, but I can never hear what either of us are saying. So, we're just talking and a different evil version of me walks in the room. I'm a bit different though; my eyes are definitely different, though I can't remember what was different about them, my clothes were strange, and my self-harm scars were gone. Well, this evil version of me is holding a gun. The evil version of me aims at my teacher and fires the gun. I jump in front of her to protect her.

This is the only time where the dream ever changes.
Option 1) I jump in front and I'm killed. I feel good for a little while but then the evil version of me fires at my teacher again and we're both dead.
Option 2) I jump in front but am too late and my teacher is killed. Then, I am shot anyway. We're both dead.

The fact that I die in my dreams doesn't bother me. I actually like that part (I'm depressed and self-harm). The part that bothers me is that my teacher dies. She has a life and family and great future ahead of her, and me...Well not so much, as I see it. It also bothers me that the murderer was "me" in a sense. I mean, I'm suicidal, not homicidal. Other people have lives to live and reasons to live them. I don't want to ever get in the way of that. Never. I want everyone else to live, even when all I want to be is dead. I hate that I could even picture myself holding any other weapon at anyone else but myself with a knife at my wrist. That's my only weapon, and it's against myself.

If anyone has any ideas, that would be awesome.

[liveforfish]

Almost sounds like a fear of losing her in your life. The evil image is probably your fear of doing something to cause the loss of your friend. The fact that you jump in to save her shows she means a lot to you.

[Thunder Bow]

You are your own Teacher. You have yet to accept that. You are shooting the Teacher within. This dream also shows your difficulty in accepting yourself.