For the past three days it's been the same dream... I screwed up the chance of a lifetime with the friend of mine. We have a relationship a shot last week, but I messed up the chance in just three days.

I relive my stupidity every night and feel the pain from it fresh all over again. It's a little worse each night...it even adds to the pain I already feel. Everything is stressful. Just sitting here is stressing me out. Nothing relaxes me anymore! I used to sleep through depression, but I can't now! I'll be put right back into that nightmare... Why am I such a worthless loser??

[shabur]

My pdoc tells me that we dream to clear out the emotions of the day. You may want to journal about it or write a letter to this friend about what happened. You don't need to send it, but it can help you get out your emotions and give you the ability to consider all the emotions you may not realize you have.

Journaling has always been stressful for me, even when I was young. I can't write things that way, though I've already done the letter idea. Any other ideas?

[dalila]

How about drawing some pictures about the situation?

Maybe. Depends if I can draw without tearing myself pieces about how bad I think it is.

[shabur]

My tdoc has me draw with my non-dominant hand. It's suppose to help that little person inside of you.

I'm not a bad artist. I've been doing it for a number of years and an going to an art college next year. I just tend to be self-critical and then get angry at myself.

The things that used to work don't anymore. Most times I end up feeling worse.

[Tim111]

Ugh, that sounds horrible. I hope that you will consider seeing someone to take care of those issues

Originally Posted by Tim111

Ugh, that sounds horrible. I hope that you will consider seeing someone to take care of those issues

I already do and have for seven years. 16 years if you count my time on meds.

Family...ugh. I cut them out of my life a long time ago. They're dysfunctional abusers that I don't need. As for friends...don't have any.

I really wish I could vacation. I really do, but I can't. I have never been on a vacation ever in my entire life. I don't have the time or money now, either.