[life_in_grey]

I want to preface this by saying I've never been one to have memorable or vivid dreams, so when I do have one, it is on my mind for awhile. I had a dream last night that was really vivid. I tried going back to sleep just to continue the dream to see what would happen. That being said, here's some background information: A couple weeks ago, I had a panic attack at work. I was shaking, trying not to cry, and sweating like crazy. Two days ago, my best friend checked into a rehab center where they will be at for minimum 30 days. They struggle with some hard issues, as do I. In the dream, I went to visit my friend. This is where it begins.

I was finishing up a visit with my friend when one of the rehab center staff came over and said that the visit was over and that my friend had to leave to go do something. My friend and I said goodbye and they left. The staff member looked an awful lot like my college pastor (who is also the college pastor to my friend), but it wasn't my college pastor. Physically, in how they looked, spoke, and philosophically, they were virtually the same, but there was some slight difference that I knew it wasn't my pastor (if that makes any sense). He began talking to me and said something that challenged me or made me mad. It was something along the lines of "You don't have any idea of what she's going through" but not exactly, and I got mad, then raised my sleeve and exposed scars on my wrist (which are real) as if to say that I did have some idea because I struggled too. Instantly, I knew that was a poor idea as I was standing in a rehab center, but the staff member/college pastor guy held my arm, not in an angry or controlling way, but to examine and to help. He then guided me to an area with couches and chairs and said to sit down and that we'd talk it out. As he did this, his shirt sleeve rose enough for me to see old scars on his wrist as well. He then told someone to go get mashed potatoes so that he could put it on my arm to help fade/heal the scars. Suddenly there were more a few more people seated in the room around me, men and women, though I have no idea who they were. It was kind of hard to see faces. When the staff member/college pastor tried to put the mashed potatoes on my arm, I shied away. I tried to back away but found myself in the center of the room, leaning against an old sofa, experiencing the same panic attack symptoms I had at work not too long ago. The staff member/college pastor was talking and trying to reassure me, but I don't remember at all what he said. I just remember feeling the panic attack. I remember repeating "I don't belong here" and feeling like they were trying to control me. I felt really alone and scared. This portion of the dream felt so real. I feel like I was physically experiencing the panic attack I was having in my dream. I remember looking over and seeing the staff member/college pastor's face, him asking to help me and asking to put the mashed potatoes on my arm before I woke up in a slight panic. I tried getting back to sleep because I wanted to see how it ended, but I couldn't. All I'm left with now is wondering what to make of this. The staff member/college pastor was wearing a plaid button down shirt, casual in style, and a baseball cap. I'm not sure if it's relevant but it's a detail I remember. The rooms were also kind of dark. I remember lots of brown. I'm not sure if it was the color of the walls, but there was brown and the rooms felt like they had been built 20-30 years ago, just so there's some details about the physical surroundings.

If anybody could help me unpack this, I'd really appreciate it!

[Travelinglady]

Hey, life_in_grey, and welcome to Psych Central! I am no expert on dreams, but here's a few things to think about: Are you truly worried you will end up in a facility like your friend? Are you worried people will not be able to help you with your panic attacks and any other problems? That their treatment will be inappropriate and ineffective? And unprofessional? And that it will even be forced on you? Do you see some pastors as possible hypocrites, or maybe less harshly as "the blind leading the blind"? Or that they are not really trained enough to really treat more serious problems?

Just some thoughts....

Maybe other folks will have some other ideas.

[Thunder Bow]

This is a dream about your own healing. Also that you are a wounded healer. Mashed potatoes seem strange and were a part of your Healing. They once covered your old wounds. The insitution is 30yrs. old, showing your past. You fear that you may end up back there, thus the Panic. Your panic attack is around this Fear. However, I feel you will Not be going back there. You have Healed beyound the point of no return.