[Foofightersfan200]

I've had insomnia ever since I've graduated from school last November. Before that I slept really good, I would have a few sleepless nights when I was very depressed back at the end of 2011 and start of 2012, but I started sleeping well again. But since November it's been on and off, I've had weeks on where I have slept really well, then I've had weeks were I don't sleep very well. Since may, I haven't had a night to sleep without medication. But I find my medication doesn't completely put me to sleep. I can take 60mg of avanza, 5mg of mogadon (nitrazepam) and 100mg of largactil (throazine) and fails to put me to sleep completely just a tad sleepy but my brain still does not want to switch off. But I find either half or a full 2.5 of Ativan (lorezepam) to put me out within half an hour. Problem is, the Ativan is not my medication, it's my mothers. My doctor and psychiatrist don't know I have taken Ativan. My mum says she can get into trouble if I tell them. I don't know what to do, I seriously find it hard to sleep without Ativan. My doctor also put me on temezapam which only worked once then didn't work again. My psychiatrist also put me on oxazepam which did not work either. I hate going to the psychiatrist and saying my sleep is slightly better when it's not really because I don't want to waste my time talking to him about sleep and he just tells me nobody dies from insomnia and tells me to follow the sleep hygiene which I have followed and hasn't made much change.

But I don't understand this, I can go 2-3 hours a night and feel completely fine the next day like I had a full nights sleep. 2 weeks ago I nearly went a week without sleep maybe had 3 or 4 hours sleep during that time and felt fine but by Friday night and Saturday I was so dizzy but felt okay. When I was out school I would feel like crap every morning even tho I got 8-9 hours sleep. Also my brain barley ever feels tired, like I am getting used to being wide awake all the time. No I am not on caffeine and Infact stopped all caffeine. I also am not taking drugs like meth or crack. I take a 3-4km walk every day (that's all I have time for), I read at night time and not play any video games or be on my ipad, watching tv is okay because I have had nights were I have slept after watching tv for a bit. Even all that, I'm still having trouble falling asleep. My brain just will not shut off. If I do go without Ativan I wake up every 1-2 hours. What can I do?? I don't know how to tell my psych about Ativan. I know I am addicted to the med, but if I can't sleep and find that the only thing to help well what can I do??? I also feel bad for taking something not perscribed to me and also want to sleep without it. I also have a very fast heart rate which the doctor doesn't know why, my parents and I thought my insomnia was cause of the heart rate but my doctor thinks it shouldn't be keeping me awake. Although we have to go talk to a cardio but I got a test done everything was fine even tho I had a 120-130 bpm.

Could it be the fact I'm not using my brain enough? I'm unemployed but looking for work and not doing any study. But I've been looking at a film and tv course which I might be interested in doing. As for work, possibly coffee shops as I've got baristas.

Anyways I'm lost and just out of ideas, what do I do?

[Thunder Bow]

Talk to your Doctor about your Anxiety. It seems strong in you.