computer music dream

I'm in college taking a class about composing music with computers. (Side note: it has been an interest of mine for many years to compose music with computers, but I would say it has been more frustration and confusion than satisfaction.) One class session ends and I spend some time thinking about this. I realize that I'm starting to "get it" in a very deep way, that my head is clearing up and that ideas are flowing naturally. I walk along a path just outside the classroom building and I come to a sort of water fountain for drinking, although it looks more like a decorative fountain. It has many trumpet-like shapes: tubes coming up from the ground and flaring into a bell aimed upwards. Water flows out the bells. Someone comes over and points out how sadly all the tubes are rusted down in the ground and the whole thing will collapse soon. It needs to be replaced, but they say it probably never will. This is a last opportunity to enjoy the fountain before it's gone for good.

Then I attend a second class session from the same teacher, and he goes into more depth about the software we students will be writing. Now I start to feel confused and find it hard to track what he's saying. The class is dismissed and I realize I didn't understand the assignment. I start to judge myself fairly harshly for being muddle-headed about writing software in general, and I mentally compare myself to people I know *could* do this assignment well and I kind of envy them.

That's the dream. Let me say something about my associations. What's going on in my life right now is that I'm making a lot of progress in my Buddhist meditation practice. The idea of suddenly finding I'm clear-headed and that ideas are flowing makes me think of this progress and insight, and this progress in real life is a joy. In real life I've always wanted to be better at computer music and also at programming comptuers in general, but I've always been kind of muddle headed compared to my fellow programmers at the place I worked. I got laid off from my programming job five years ago, so they didn't think much of me, either. The idea that the fountain will only last a short time reminds me of how impermanence is discussed in Buddhism. There is a pleasure in understanding that all things are temporary and being able to enjoy them while they are here.

The dreams tell how you are feeling in real life. Your mind still tells you that you compare yourself to others to much, instead of just being you. The fountain dream tell you that you are not caring for yourself enough to maintain what is flowing out of you, the ideas that are flowing out of you. This ties in to the dream of self judgement. Time to do some self maintainence.

Thanks, Thunder Bow. I didn't even realize that I used the word "flow" twice - in "ideas flowing" and "water flowing." I think that I need to learn to see my own value without comparing myself, yes.