[damage_case1987]

1. I always had extreme anxiety and stress and depression. Since past 5 years, I havent slept for more than 3-4 hrs on an average on weekdays.

2. I am a programmer. We are given new user requirements and we need to figure out how to fulfill those. However, more often than not, I am unable to resolve/understand fully the logic in office and come back home imagining different scenarios of logic.

My active brain does not let me eat dinner, go to the bathroom and ofcourse sleep. I keep thinking the way to resolve the issue. I keep getting up and going to the computer for it. I even tried removing my computer altogether but that doesnt stop my brain.

Everyday I feel like a bigger loser than the previous day. I make some silly mistake at the office, or what I did doesnt get completed successfully due to some error or the other, and I come to know about it right at the very end of the office end time, and I come home with anxiety that I need to perform those tasks again in the morning.
The anticipation of tomorrow and what needs to be done is running all over my mind.

Im 27 years old, and Im reaching my breakdown again. And Ive tried suicide multiple times in the past, but not since I started working 9 to 5. I wake up in the middle of the night (if i get sleep in the earlier part of the night) crying. I cant take it anymore. I cant open my eyes and cant shut em off.

[berthegel]

Hello , I've had bouts of insomnia , some when working some not,

Could you not ask for a different job with the company your with, say for a week or two ?
I've never programmed , but ive seen a bit of css and it woould melt my brain .
one of the things the sleep people say is avoid computers before bed , do you have long bouts staring at a computer screen ?

Hot baths, quiet room, no big meals before bed ( have a banana ), could you say write down a bit of your next days work stuff early evening , make a list and then you might worry less in the night.
Get your next days clothes, stuff , have a wash down before you got to bed, so you're not rushing around in the morning. Get correct body temp in bed , ambient music.

In UK our employment laws state that if you work at a computer , your allowed to stand and walk around for 5 minutes every hour or so.

[eskielover]

I was a computer design engineer....basically programmed the hardware using microcoding (lol....not so far back that I programmed in 1's & 0's but almost). Started my career in 1979.

I know exactly what you are talking about...my mind would never shut off especially when we had a problem we were solving (I mostly programmed military communications hardware systems)....& we would get thick documents describing what we needed to design & program to get the hardware to work......I would go over those documents to much that I could tell them page & paragraph of everything I was designing....but it took lots of sleepless nights....most of the time I would work until 2am. I would be so exhausted I fell asleep driving home more than once....& would be so exhausted by the time I got home I would just fall into bed & wake up whenever I could in the morning & do it all over again the next day....10-12 hour days were my norm.....but I also played racquetball with the guys I worked with at lunch rather than eat....I think that helped me become more tired by the end of the day.....but most of the time I would solve problems in my sleep.....but there were times when the mind wouldn't shut off......I still have that problem & haven't worked for 20 years.

Most of the time now, the sleepless stuff comes from having nightmares from things I have gone through....to avoid the nightmares, subconscious seems to keep me awake until I'm ready to just collapse.

Honestly, the best thing for me is to totally shut down everything in the house, take a hot shower, drink some sleeptime tea or take an over the counter sleep aid (melatonin based supplement).....pain specialist gave me a sleep med but hated the drunk feeling I had the next day even though I wasn't doing anything critical.

I know one thing.....after this oral surgery I had a month ago.....the anesthetic has made me so tired.....I sleep most of the time now...even naps during the day...can't seem to get enough sleep....that goes in cycles though...I push myself when I'm trying to get something done & the sun may be coming up by the time I get finished doing what I was trying to get done.....then I crash big time.

[-jimi-]

This is NOT easy but it can be done. Set a firm limit for "you" time. For example at 7 PM. After that, you are not allowed to think about anything work oriented, and you are not allowed to worry about other things. The time between 7 and sleep is only for eating, relaxing and doing things that creates pleasure or peace.

Thoughts that are not allowed will come, but they are pushed aside gently with the thought that it will be dealt with on the allowed time, before 7 PM another day.

It might not help with overall stress, but it will, with practice, bring some calm to the evenings. Then sleep might be better.

[superfly47]

I count down backwards by 3s. ie 999, 996, 993. If I do just ones it becomes too monotonous.

Turning off electronics before bed helps as screens contain blue light which keeps you activated.

Meditation might help, helps you to develop focus and concentration. Also patients, becoming frustrated in bed leads to stress which leads to your mind being tempted to wander.

[Thunder Bow]

If your anxiety and depression is overwhelming, try seeing a Therapist. Ask your doctor about sleep medications that help ease anxiety.

[MusicMike]

I used to work as a programmer, and I made a lot of mistakes due to confusion. I eventually left on a medical leave of absence.

I have OCD so perhaps I see it everywhere, but the inability to stop obsessing about details combined with anxiety may be a form of OCD. Also "perfectionism" might be involved here. My father was a mechanical engineer, now retired, and he's practically crippled by OCD and perfectionism now. He was a very slow worker when he was working.

I don't mean to pathologize your condition... you are a full human being who is deserving of care and understanding your situation from every angle, including the meaning of these events as seen by your human personality. However, to say it's OCD means that perhaps either therapy or medication for OCD could help.

[mountain human]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

If your anxiety and depression is overwhelming, try seeing a Therapist. Ask your doctor about sleep medications that help ease anxiety.

Second this. It sounds like you're overwhelmed. This, along with your history of SI and lack of sleep is concerning. If you have access to a mental health professional, this should be your 1st step. You sound like a good candidate for medication.

I suffered with insomnia when I was younger, I learned a technique which Im not sure exists out there, but it works for me. So say I have a whirlpool of things keeping me up, I try to isolate each one and identify what it is about them that is worrying me. So like lets take a short list of things so: a deadline, social issues, geometry problems, past stuff.

Once Ive identified what each thing is I can put them in like categories of importance and go over them, figure out what is bothering me about it so for example, deadlines. Say i have something due tomorrow, what can I do RIGHT now.. I can either get up and do it or I can accept its a problem that I cant fix right now because I have to sleep and file it away. I got through each thing filing it away. Sometimes they pop back out of their file but I just file them back away until I am left with an empty head.

The filing system takes a lot of work and practice, it used to take me hours to file things away, now I can pretty much do it within about 15mins so it does get easier.

I hope this helps, and if anyone else does this Id be interested to know because as of yet Ive met no others who do this.