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Member
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 224
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#1
Hey everyone. I have OCD and posted this in that forum as well. So i have been worried about developing schizophrenia or psychosis for the longest time. These worries started after I experienced a bout of depersonalization where I woke up one morning with a memory in my head and I at first thought it was real, but later thought that i might have been remembering a dream. I've replayed the memory in my head over and over for 3 years and cant figure it out. I've posted about it before, and worry daily that I am losing touch with reality because of it.
These last few days have been horrible for me, my anxiety has been through the roof and I began to obsess about the memory again, determined to figure out if it's true or not. There is no way to prove this memory one way or the other though, so my efforts are a useless compulsion. I was thinking yesterday that maybe I shouldn't have canceled therapy this week, then I could have talked about these types of things and got them off my chest. This is the disturbing part for me: it was then that I suddenly had a fleeting, random thought pop into my head that my therapy office sent me a letter asking why I cancelled therapy. I knew immediately that this never happened, but when the thought first popped into my head it sort of felt like it did. I am 100% positive it did not happen though. Now I am freaking out because I'm worrying that this could mean I'm delusional! I'm worried that I dreamed the thing about the letter and that what happened to me 3 years ago will happen again! I get a random false memory almost exactly like this one come to me from time to time.. I have been worried about developing scitzophrenia or psychosis for the longest time. These worries started after I experienced a bout of depersonalization where I woke up one morning with a memory in my head and I at first thought it was real, but later thought that i might have been remembering a dream. I've replayed the memory in my head over and over for 3 years and cant figure it out. I've posted about it before, and worry daily that I am losing touch with reality because of it. These last few days have been horrible for me, my anxiety has been through the roof and I began to obsess about the memory again, determined to figure out if it's true or not. There is no way to prove this memory one way or the other though, so my efforts are a useless compulsion. I was thinking yesterday that maybe I shouldn't have canceled therapy this week, then I could have talked about these types of things and got them off my chest. This is the disturbing part for me: it was then that I suddenly had a fleeting, random thought pop into my head that my therapy office sent me a letter asking why I cancelled therapy. I knew immediately that this never happened, but when the thought first popped into my head it sort of felt like it did. I am 100% positive it did not happen though. Now I am freaking out because I'm worrying that this could mean I'm delusional! I'm worried that I dreamed the thing about the letter and that what happened to me 3 years ago will happen again! I get a random false memory almost exactly like this one come to me from time to time.. Almost like im remembering random things ive dreamed about. I think it is just OCD's way of keeping the worrying about going crazy/memory distrust theme alive, since my ovreal anxiety about the event is still so high. I just don't understand why I would get a sudden random thought of receiving that letter that felt like a true memory...when it wasnt. It's made me feel totally crazy so any opinions anyone has about this are appreciated greatly!!! think it is just OCD's way of keeping the worrying about going crazy/memory distrust theme alive, since my overall anxiety about the event is still so high. I just don't understand why I would get a sudden random thought of receiving that letter that felt like a true memory...when it wasnt. It's made me feel totally crazy so any opinions anyone has about this are appreciated greatly!!! __________________ Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ("Pure O" Type), Social Anxiety Rx: Lorazepam PRN |
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2012
Location: Arizona
Posts: 5,630
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#2
Can you tell us what the memory is?? Need to know more. Share on of the dreams with us.
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Member
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 224
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#3
When I was younger I had very low self esteem and made fake social media accounts and talked to people behind pictures of pretty people. In my "dream", I was on Facebook and came across someone's profile who talked to alot of the same people I did, who was located in my same small town, and who used the same fake picture I did. I thought that it must have been a fake account I made that I didn't remember making. I typed the name of the account into Facebook because if I did make it I wanted to delete it, and no account existed in that name.
__________________ Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ("Pure O" Type), Social Anxiety Rx: Lorazepam PRN |
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2012
Location: Arizona
Posts: 5,630
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#4
The dreams says you are not doing that anymore, that is why no account was listed in that name. Good Work.
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defyinggravity65
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Member
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 224
9 22 hugs
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#5
But thats the thing. I don't know whether or not it's a dream. Fake accounts were deleted by Facebook not too long ago so there is no way to prove if it happened or not and in going a little nuts
__________________ Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ("Pure O" Type), Social Anxiety Rx: Lorazepam PRN |
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2012
Location: Arizona
Posts: 5,630
12 3 hugs
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#6
Dreams and real life often will mix, as what happened here. This was a dream, and your mind was processing a real life situation in it. That why you are confused.
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defyinggravity65
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