[ladyrevan21]

My mom said this morning that apparently, at three in the morning, I was actually screaming, which I actually have no memory of. I don't even have a memory of whatever might have set off my screaming fit. I'm wondering if I had some sort of nightmare and didn't remember.

[ladyrevan21]

Actually, I think I remember the nightmare that might have set off my screaming fit. I thought about it and here it is:

Possible trigger:

I dreamed about the remake version of Freddy Krueger coming after me. It was that scene in the remake where the supermarket lights start flickering in and out, only it was in the high school instead, and unlike Nancy, who got away in time, I got slashed up. Tortured, actually. And I was worried about dying myself. I think it also has some significance for me because I used to have Freddy as a sort of...imaginary friend of sorts. When I was sixteen. It's embarrassing, I know. And it's not really the first time that I've had the Freddy-chasing-me dream. It was kind of a recurring dream I used to have. There were other segments of this dream, including one about Brady Hartsfeld from Mr. Mercedes, but this was the part that stood out to me most because I actually thought (even though it is irrational and doesn't happen in real life) that I was going to die.

[Thunder Bow]

Do not torture yourself anymore.

[ladyrevan21]

That might be the case. *Sighs* I started thinking about it a little more and considering how Freddy is in the remake, it might mean that I'm putting too much pressure on myself to uncover my memories. And Brady -- well, in the novel he showed up in he

Possible trigger:

has an incestuous relationship with his mother. And I am really, really, really sorry that I mentioned that; I'm just thinking there might have been a reason Brady made a cameo.

Considering my own doubts about my resurfacing memories, that could be a reason Brady showed up (though I am nothing like that guy, cross my heart). That and Mr. Mercedes and Finders Keepers became the novels I returned to obsessively back when I was in my panicking stage.

I think I should at least bring up my sleep issues with my therapist -- my frequent nightmares, for example, being tired a lot, stuff like that. Maybe mention that one instance of me screaming in my sleep. But yeah, maybe I should try and be kinder with myself. A lot kinder.

[Thunder Bow]

Good idea to tell your therapist about your dreams. Keep sharing them here too.

[ladyrevan21]

I'll definitely share them here when they come up. And I'll tell my therapist about them too.