Recurring Presence

So I'm not entirely sure how to describe this but I'm going to try my best. I have these dreams that seem completely random. One aspect is that the environment is constantly shifting. An example of my most vivid one; I was hiding behind a bush in an expansive yard of a very large white house I have never seen before. All I know at that point is that I am hiding from something/someone. I sneak my way into the house, and the environment shifts. The inside of the house does not fit the size of the house. It is entirely too big. Lots of red decorations, curtains, carpets. Everything is very fancy looking but has a distinct gothic feel to it. Every time I explore all of the doors, each one locked until I get to a bedroom. The bedroom is huge with at least a two story ceiling. The set up of the room is unusual. There is a large round bed in the center of the red carpeted room almost barricaded by large wooden book shelves on all sides that are full of black books. Every time I think of how comfortable the bed looks with all of the super plush pillows and fluffy red comforter. At that point in the dream I hear someone start to enter the room so I hide. Every time it's the same person and I'm not sure what it means.

The person is an old grade school friend. He was my best friend growing up and we had been through alot together. It wasn't until I was older that I realized he was actually my first crush. When we were young and hung out all the time I never dared make any sort of advance towards him because he was more popular than I was and I was afraid if I did something wrong or that he would perceive as wrong then I would be endlessly ridiculed for it. The bottom line is that during that time I was unaware of what sexual advances were and had no way to recognize that was what he had done for years of our friendship. Well obviously as we grew up the "sexual exploration phase" of our youth dwindled away and he became set in the small minded heteronormative ways of our small farm town. Normally people have facebook or other social media to stay in touch with old friends, but he has deleted all of his so I have no way to contact him anymore even if I did figure out what I wanted or if I have something I need to say.

Now when I see him in my dream, I am always overcome with such anxiety that I physically fight the environment to avoid being seen by him. But yet at the same time, I am plagued by such a strong desire to go an talk to him. All the while the environment is constantly shifting, in this time its the walls of the room. They become longer, the room becomes bigger, The curtains get longer and more billowy, there are more and more hiding spots and the bookshelves rotate while an old record player type machine plays very quiet, almost indistinguishable, music.

I'm sure this is all just some sort of manifestation of sexual frustration or some sort of developmental crisis that was unresolved for me during that time of my youth. But ever since these dreams began (and they began out of nowhere. Like I hadn't been actively thinking about him or anything) I can't stop thinking about him and the way the dreams make me feel. It leaves me feeling sexually frustrated and like I missed an opportunity that will never happen again. His face randomly pops in my head and all I can recognize are feelings of lust and frustration. I don't want it to become some sort of complex like "i've been cheated out of something". But I'm almost positive that if I could just find a way to get it out of my system or even get some closure then I would be able to move on.
I'm still not sure what it all means, but all I can tell now is that I still have the same intense feelings for him that I did the day I realized what those feelings were.
Any suggestions?

Could you post a recent dream? Anxiety do affect our sleep and dreams.

It could be that your dream is perhaps a nudge. You mention that you perceived him to be more popular than you and so you were always worried of how that might affect the way he saw you or what you meant to him (to paraphrase). I don't know about closure in terms of that specific person; but what about the closure you can give yourself by moving forward and giving yourself whatever it is that you perceived to have missed out on back then? You say that there is a discrepancy in perception, as in the environment and scale don't fit, etc. You also mention hiding. And then this person from the past you feel you had an unresolved relationship with.

It could be that it is a treatise in how you see yourself and the impact it has on your life. You may not be able to gain closure from that particular person, but how can you move forward now and have more fulfilling experiences in the presence? How can you feel differently about yourself, and be able to value yourself in such a way that your perception of self has less of an invasive effect on your interactions with people? Could be the dream is trying to help you get to that place you are looking for: one of the ease of sexual frustration, a place of self-acceptance, and a realization that perhaps the reason the inner and outer environments of the dream don't measure up is because your inner and outer worlds in waking life don't balance.

Wow Spondiferous! That's incredibly helpful. I was hoping I would get this type of different perspective feedback. Very helpful and insightful. Thank you!