I woke up from a nightmare this morning

It was about high school and me failing and being dumber than everyone else…
I woke up and was terrified. Terrified of all the things in the world I would never know, the insurmountable pile of information I’ve missed. My thoughts wandered back to school and became panic, fear of having only wasted time. I’m so utterly afraid of never amounting to anything that every time I want to start something new, I inevitably break down thinking I’ll never make it work anyway.

I feel stuck. I don’t know what it takes to make me forget about “the competition” finally. Sometimes I wish I would be able to disable my sense of self altogether. Just do things for the things themselves, completely oblivious of my ego. It would be so much easier to manage everyday life that way.

Anybody feel the same?

So sorry you feel this way. I can actually relate, I was in high school not too long ago.. unfortunately these things can leave mental scars.

Yes, definitely, and that is how I try to live. None of my efforts to ever prove myself useful or "worthy" or whatever in the eyes of other people have ever been successful, so today I have abandoned that kind of thinking in favor of just nevertheless doing for others whatever I believe I nevertheless should.

I'm 54 and still have dreams about receiving a letter that says I didn't really graduate high school and I have to go back and finish. In reality, I did well in high school and enjoyed it tremendously. Go figure...

((((( Grath )))))

I have the same dream at least once a week. I'll find out that I didn't finish either my high school or college program & have to take additional classes that I don't do well in. I'm 56 & can't figure out why my mind drags me back that far in my life. I always wake up feeling extremely troubled.