My Daughter Keeps Dying

Bad night last night. Had a series of 3-4 dreams where my daughters kept dying in different ways. I can only recall one in detail.

I was about to bungee jump and my oldest daughter (almost 13) and I were at the top of a large bungee platform. She was sitting on the rail next to the stairs, but away from the jumping point. I went up to her after watching a few people jump and asked if she thought I should go, and she said yes. So I took off my glasses and handed them to her. When I did that, I somehow knocked her off balance, and she fell off the railing and onto the stairs. She was hitting each one hard. I could hear her grunting in pain as she hit each step.

This was an open stair case and we were hundreds of feet up in the air. So anything that made its way into a gap between two steps was going to drop to the concrete below. Sure enough, she took a hard bounce off a step, and it sent her right into one of the gaps. All I could see were her hands clamped on to a stair. I dove down to get her, and as I reached her it was the 6 or 7 year old version of her hanging there. I yelled for her to hold on, and right as I reached for her, her grip gave.

I didn't see her fall, there were no sounds. I just stared at the place where her hands had just been, and then I woke up.

I have a theory on this one. I'm a divorced dad who only sees his daughters one or two nights most weeks. My oldest is about to turn 13, and maybe I feel like that chapter of her life where she's my "little girl" is closing, and I want to stop her, but can't? Might just be reaching on this one.

Details, if it matters, it was a red metal staircase, with chipped paint all over and the dark gray metal visible.

Thanks.

Yes I think your theory is spot on about your daughter. Do you ever feel like your divorce has emotionally distanced you from your daughter too? Maybe you feel like no matter what you do with her, to show her that you're trustworthy and she can trust you, you somehow do or say something that disappoints her? Does that ever happen? Or, it could simply be that you realize that your little girl is now a teenager, and she's distancing herself from you emotionally, and that hurts your feelings?? I think this dream is a warning dream that you've given yourself. That you need to step up your game as her divorced dad, to keep her safe from falling into the world without your support. Daughters need their fathers always, even if their dad's divorced from their mom. A girl without a dad, is a very lost, very confused girl. She's 13. She needs you more than ever right now. Don't let her slip away from you. Be her rock. She needs you to be her rock.

Steps of growth and Risk taking is the theme of this dream. Thus the 7yo. girl slipped away from your hands. You are right. She is no longer your little girl.

I think you and the others here have great insights about this. I might add that you're perhaps carrying some guilt that the divorce has "knocked" your daughters "off balance", and perhaps shortened their childhoods.

It made me wonder if taking some time to honor both the child and the emerging maturity in your children might help. Maybe helping them do something playful or silly, like making shrinky dinks or playing a game. But also taking time for heart-to-heart chats. I met a woman while camping who kept a notebook with her daughter and they took turns writing to each other... just another way of getting at emerging ideas and consciousness with a teen.

You sound like a very caring dad.