[*Laurie*]

I've been married for 35 years. At one point after our children were grown, my husband and I were separated for about 10 years. We remained dear friends (nothing intimate), but we both saw other people during the separation. I spent the 10 years with a man I'll call "Kenny". Kenny was 6 years younger than me, but we were both around 40.

The dating started out to be fun and I felt like he really cared about me. I had a lot of guilt because I told him I loved him, but I really didn't. I mean, I cared about him, but no way was I in love. I really just wanted to have some relaxation and fun with a man who made me feel special (my husband had stopped doing that and we never had any fun together). So that 1st year was really a blast, doing some fun things I had never done, having been married and settled down by age 19.

Fast forward 10 years. Kenny had become unemployed. I was supporting him; had been supporting him for several years. Our relationship had gone way downhill. He had become completely irresponsible, doing such things as cooking for himself in the kitchen (with food I had purchased and gas I had paid for) and leaving an enormous, sloppy mess all over the kitchen...dishes, food, everything. Nothing cleaned up. We argued constantly about his behavior. He no longer wanted to hang out together; usually he took off walking around the neighborhood (which was a trashy neighborhood - the house I rented was fairly large and nicer than the houses around it) in the morning and was gone until evening, every day.

One day Kenny's cousin came over. She told me that he was doing drugs (meth). That shocked me, but I could definitely accept her words - he hardly ate or slept and he looked like a tweeker (very thin and haggard). Plus, he had started collecting all kinds of stuff...cords and wires and JUNK. I was deathly afraid of a fire because he had this rigged to that and it was all just plain crazy. He was also paranoid, insisting that I was seeing other men (I wasn't, in any way, shape, or form). The "men", Kenny insisted, "climbed in the window" at night. He'd become so angry about his belief that I was seeing other men that his anger scared me.

To shorten this long story, one night Kenny became enraged and threatened me violently. He was completely disconnected from reality and I was terrified. I got my pets & everything I could stuff in my car and took off. I left most of my possessions. I moved to another town and my husband and I reconciled (we had both matured tremendously). I covered ALL my tracks as best I possibly could and never spoke to, or saw, Kenny again. Even though I was in a different town I was petrified of him stalking me and hurting or killing me.

From my former boss I found out that Kenny had become homeless. She messaged me on Facebook with that information and while I didn't blame her, I would have been just as glad to NOT know anything about him.

So. I am frightened of the man, I do NOT miss him, I have some kind of weird, twisted guilt about having left him and no longer taking care of him (typical abusive situation in which the abused person feels guilty about leaving the abuser).

This is my problem: I dream about Kenny almost every night. I dream that he is completely helpless and that I am trying to forgive him and take care of him. Even though I am repulsed by him in the dreams I feel compelled to "save" him, as though he was a young person...like a teenager. And I have to "mother" him. In the dreams he is sociopathic...has no feelings for me or anyone, yet he seems to be MY responsibility.

I am desperate. I DO NOT want the man in my life in ANY way. I feel tormented by the dreams of him. I feel like he's dirt I cannot get off my skin. The dreams haunt my days.

I don't know why I keep dreaming of "Kenny". I'm wondering if anyone has any ideas of how I can rid myself of the dreams? Some ritual, or...something? I really need help with this. Thanks in advance.

[Thunder Bow]

Most of this due to feeling guilty. "Rescue" is often due to guilt. You tired Rescuing him because you felt "responsible" for him. Also try "forgiving" yourself. The dream is saying that you are wanting to forgive yourself.

[*Laurie*]

Thank you, TB! I will ponder...