very ****ed up dreams

The other night I dreamed that I was back with some abusers. I could feel emotions and had a powerful feeling that I was a bad person an evil person. The worrying thing is that I also felt calm and relieved that I was nasty because I felt like it had been such an effort to hide it and now it was out in the open I would be ale to express it more. Now Im awake I think yuk you ****ed up strange ***** having a dream like that. Im diagnosed very severely disturbed and have borderline personality disorder with voices in the head. The same night after that I also dreamt I was being brutally raped again. But this time I was enjoying it so much I joined in and wanted more than I was getting. Again I remember feeling a sense of relief and also happy that things between me and my past abusers were so good and secure that things would carry on from there without me suffering. That now makes me think eww you are disgusting and weird. My friend says its the most disturbed thing Ive ever told her. Anyone else have a suggestion as to wot it means?

I am by no means an expert on anything. But it sound to me like a means of reconcilling with your mind all the bad things that happenend in your life. The second dream where you said you were enjoying the abuse sounds like you someone who wants to say what was happening is okay so that they can change the pain into something better.