[catatonicmania]

I'll put the dream in a nutshell. A male is trying to kill me and my family as well as strangers (16 in all including my mom which i have no relationship to) banded together to save my life when all I wanted to do was give up. We got the cops involved and they didn't do anything helpful. So I had to resort to accusing him of rape and having a journalist there to take his picture and then a stranger ran after him. I don't know if he caught him because I woke up and won't let myself go back to sleep.
The things that bother me is...
1. Why is my mom is helping me? Does this mean I could actually have a relationship with her that's not toxic for me?....growing up she ignored when her boyfriend molested both me and my sister.
2. Why couldn't the authorities help me?......I took my mom's boyfriend to court and he for off with a fine. As well as I was raped and I took him to court and he got off with probation and 6 months on a tether.
3. Why do I not care about my life when everyone else does even strangers?.......I sometimes think of alienating eveyone I know so that why if I were to kill myself no one would be sad.
4. Why did I accuse him of rape?.......When I went through it the jury thought I was one of those girls that got too drunk a gave consent and then forgot about it. I would rather die then tarnish the name of someone innocent.

I'm so anxious right now and shaking so bad I'm having a very had time typing. I don't want to sleep again.

[wickedwings]

I am really very sorry that you had to go through what you went through during your childhood. You have had your trust in everyone broken because they did not take you seriously when they should have. And your mother, I don't know how she can let this go on. I would die if my bf is doing that to my kids. It is understandable that you alienate everyone. It's to protect yourself, especially in the event that someone is not trustworthy.

There can be people who can care about you, if you let a few people in. I do hope you can allow someone into your life as a good friend. And, here in PsychCentral, we care about you. If you go, we will lose a shining light in here - and that is you. You may not see yourself that way, but it's true.

Are you in therapy? I hope you have a good therapist helping you out in sorting out your feelings and issues on trust. I wish you the best.

Safe hugs.