[afeleppelle]

Well I will start off by saying I am a 38 year old female, who lives by myself along with 2 dogs and 1 cat. I have been living alone for 5 years now and have found my anxiety getting worse each year. I used to be a very outgoing, friendly, happy person and now I am so insecure, filled with worry and guilt, and am so nervous to be around people because of what they may think of me and my life. I literally have 1 girlfriend and I have known her for 24 years. Unfortunately over the years I have distanced myself from her because I feel I can't relate to her anymore. She is married and has children. I am divorced with no children. I think in a way I distanced myself because I am jealous of her life. Ive always wanted a family and a home. I currently have a boyfriend of 2 years now however the situation isn't really ideal for anyone. He is currently married but they live in same house different rooms they are co-parenting for the children. While I love him to death I don't know if I am with him because I love him, because I am lonely, because I really want to be with someone, because I like to punish myself, or because I am just that messed up and think its what I deserve. I have really had some abusive relationships in my life, its seems to be what I attract, he is not abusive at all, he treats me very well, but I want him to move out and finalize a divorce and we argue about it often. This relationship goes along with this anxiety because truthfully I am a secret, no one gets to know me in his family. I currently work in a very customer service job, I am a pit boss at a casino. This job forces me to talk to people, sometimes have uncomfortable conversations with them, I supervise people and I am very outgoing. However everyone thinks I am always angry because of the look on my face, I don't smile when I am not talking to people aka resting bi*** face... The truth is I am just nervous, I don't want people to judge me, I'm over weight and do not like how I look or feel about myself and I feel everyone else thinks just like I do. The funny thing is once my shift gets going I forget all about the anxiety, I don't know if its the business that takes the thoughts away from it or what but when the night slows down it all comes rushing back. I find myself sitting alone in our employee dining room even though there are 50+ people in there at most times. I feel like I don't know how to converse with people and sometimes I feel like " are these people really that stupid?" Thinking like that is really bad, I don't feel I am smarter than people, but I feel like I have way more common sense than some and unfortunately I feel like I talk to people like they are stupid and that is not my intention at all, I try to talk so they come up with the right answer on their own while being guided, and realizing just how little effort it takes to think a few more minutes and come up with the answer on their own, but it comes out all wrong. The anxiety then takes over my whole being and I just want to run far away. Sometimes I feel like im not myself when Im at work, like I get to be someone else. The guests there don't know my personal life, they don't know what I've been through so they just get to see happy me. This anxiety isn't just work and friend related it is at its worst when attending family functions. I really do not associate with family I can't breathe when I am around them. I have been in my apartment for 5 years and I have never had them over. I have 2 sisters and a father that live 15-20 min from me and they have never seen my place. I dont know what it is that freaks me out or triggers it, I just wish it would go away and I could have my life back. Its pretty lonely being 38 and having no friends... Any Suggestions?

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by afeleppelle

Well I will start off by saying I am a 38 year old female, who lives by myself along with 2 dogs and 1 cat. I have been living alone for 5 years now and have found my anxiety getting worse each year. I used to be a very outgoing, friendly, happy person and now I am so insecure, filled with worry and guilt, and am so nervous to be around people because of what they may think of me and my life. I literally have 1 girlfriend and I have known her for 24 years. Unfortunately over the years I have distanced myself from her because I feel I can't relate to her anymore. She is married and has children. I am divorced with no children. I think in a way I distanced myself because I am jealous of her life. Ive always wanted a family and a home. I currently have a boyfriend of 2 years now however the situation isn't really ideal for anyone. He is currently married but they live in same house different rooms they are co-parenting for the children. While I love him to death I don't know if I am with him because I love him, because I am lonely, because I really want to be with someone, because I like to punish myself, or because I am just that messed up and think its what I deserve. I have really had some abusive relationships in my life, its seems to be what I attract, he is not abusive at all, he treats me very well, but I want him to move out and finalize a divorce and we argue about it often. This relationship goes along with this anxiety because truthfully I am a secret, no one gets to know me in his family. I currently work in a very customer service job, I am a pit boss at a casino. This job forces me to talk to people, sometimes have uncomfortable conversations with them, I supervise people and I am very outgoing. However everyone thinks I am always angry because of the look on my face, I don't smile when I am not talking to people aka resting bi*** face... The truth is I am just nervous, I don't want people to judge me, I'm over weight and do not like how I look or feel about myself and I feel everyone else thinks just like I do. The funny thing is once my shift gets going I forget all about the anxiety, I don't know if its the business that takes the thoughts away from it or what but when the night slows down it all comes rushing back. I find myself sitting alone in our employee dining room even though there are 50+ people in there at most times. I feel like I don't know how to converse with people and sometimes I feel like " are these people really that stupid?" Thinking like that is really bad, I don't feel I am smarter than people, but I feel like I have way more common sense than some and unfortunately I feel like I talk to people like they are stupid and that is not my intention at all, I try to talk so they come up with the right answer on their own while being guided, and realizing just how little effort it takes to think a few more minutes and come up with the answer on their own, but it comes out all wrong. The anxiety then takes over my whole being and I just want to run far away. Sometimes I feel like im not myself when Im at work, like I get to be someone else. The guests there don't know my personal life, they don't know what I've been through so they just get to see happy me. This anxiety isn't just work and friend related it is at its worst when attending family functions. I really do not associate with family I can't breathe when I am around them. I have been in my apartment for 5 years and I have never had them over. I have 2 sisters and a father that live 15-20 min from me and they have never seen my place. I dont know what it is that freaks me out or triggers it, I just wish it would go away and I could have my life back. Its pretty lonely being 38 and having no friends... Any Suggestions?

It's seems like social anxiety rears its ugly head in some areas of your life but not others. Have you tried therapy?

[Skeezyks]

Well... I'm an older person (not twice your age yet... but I'm gettin' there.) I'm married. But otherwise I lead a thoroughly solitary lifestyle... by choice. There is no extended family & I have no friends or acquaintances. I only leave the house when necessary. It works for me. However, even though I live the reclusive lifestyle I live voluntarily, I find that the more I am alone, the more I prefer to just be alone. (The more alone the better.) And the less comfortable it is for me to be out-&-about.

Being alone & feeling awkward in social situations breeds on itself, I believe. Yes, when you're at work & busy, it makes sense to me that your social anxiety would fade into the background. But, then, as soon as you're off work, or not busy doing what you do, it comes rushing back.

From my perspective, I think the remedy for this is simply to get out there & find ways to be more social... volunteer, pursue some personal interests that put you in touch with other people... that sort of thing. (I don't know what kinds of things are of interest to you. So it's difficult to be specific.) But the more you get out there, the easier it will become (perhaps still not easy... but easier.) However, if you feel this is something you simply can't do on your own, then the alternatives are mental health therapy & / or psych med's. Unfortunately there aren't any magic solutions to this that I know of. Perhaps other members will have other suggestions to offer. I wish you well...