Putting myself aside.

I didn’t even now how to name this thread.
It’s something that happens to me a lot.
I make an effort to get out of my shell and I dare to greet and talk to someone I know in the street. But, as long as another person arrives, join the conversation I feel the urge to say goodbye and go off. Feel like if I was the odd one. As if I didn’t have a place. As if I didn’t deserve a place among normal people.
Like the ugly duck. Never fitting in.

Dear AzulOscuro,

I am so sorry this is happening to you. What you describe is something that happened to me before, when I was younger. It was just awful. I hope you can find answers and relief!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

It doesn’t happen to you now. How do you get to overcoming it, Yao Wen?
I’m a 48 person and still struggling with it. I think I have it in my DNA.

Dear AzulOscuro, I am like you. I don't think I was born this way. I think it happened because of a collection of unfortunate experiences & I developed a self-protection way of being. Does that fit the way you feel? The best of luck to you!

I’m not as social as I used to be in general so not too bothered now, but I can certainly relate to this! You feel kind of like you get pushed out, unintentionally?

Yes, guess it’s self-defence. Instead of feeling rejected, you apart yourself before.
I remember I was raised in a particular way, where you couldn’t raise your voice or you had to be very cautious with your behaviour to not bother or disturb. Even, much more, my godfather was a healthy man and it seemed that for this reason, we had to be especially cautious and behave very well around him and his wife. As if we weren’t good enough. But, my siblings all lived the same and they are both pretty normal.
What makes you develop this defence mechanism if you don’t mind to tell me?

Exactly! As you don’t matter. Everyone matter but you don’t.
I’m like you. I don’t have the urge to be social as I used to feel. I’m a grown woman and now, and I’m fine with being on my own but still feel very uncomfortable when I have to face to my insecurities.

I would like to rectify a word I mislead.
When I was talking about my godfather, I didn’t mean to use “healthy” but “ wealthy”
He was a wealthy man. You know, the golden child in his family and this seems to impress many people over other virtues I think are much more worthy.

Excuse my mistake!