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  #1  
Old May 30, 2009, 05:27 PM
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Hi everyone
Almost every therapist I've seen said I should improve my totally non-existing self esteem. I guess I never even considered actually doing this, because in my opinion I don't deserve to feel better about myself. I really think I'm a bad person in every aspect. So it seems wrong to me starting to think I'm beautiful or smart or good in any way, because I'm not. And telling myself that would be a lie.
My point being, what if I don't want to love myself? What if I'm sure I don't deserve it? Should I still try?
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• A bearer of a shattered soul and a mind all ripped and torn

• I will rather learn to enjoy misery than partake a life of hypocrisy

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  #2  
Old May 30, 2009, 07:15 PM
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Stevejavson Stevejavson is offline
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Don't worry my friend, having high self esteem hurts no one and brings sunshine to those around you. Even if you feel like you're lying to yourself, the results will make you realize you were telling the truth after all .
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I am a kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. - J.D. Salinger
  #3  
Old May 31, 2009, 12:58 PM
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Thanks, Stevejavson
But let's say one day I start believing all that: that I'm just as good as anyone else, that I deserve to be treated with respect and I deserve to be loved. I'll still not be getting any respect and I'll still repulse people and I'll still have no one to love me. How will I manage to explain that to myself? I would be just disappointed over and over again every time someone rejects me or doesn't like me (which happens a lot). It's probably better to leave things as they are and spare myself the pain of constantly asking myself why does everybody avoid me.
I think some of us are just unfit for this world and we should accept it. What's the point of having a high self esteem for someone like me?
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• A bearer of a shattered soul and a mind all ripped and torn

• I will rather learn to enjoy misery than partake a life of hypocrisy
  #4  
Old May 31, 2009, 04:05 PM
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I personally (don't know if therapists would agree) never think in a mindset of "I deserve _____". I prefer to think of ______ as a gift every time.

I guess the best way I can explain it is using a field of weeds analogy. If the world is a field of weeds, the flowers that pop up are even more beautiful in comparison. If the world is a field of flowers, then every flower is generic and a small patch of weeds causes a lot more despair than it should.

Here is an article I think you might find helpful on your journey

http://www.spring.org.uk/2007/09/10-...-happiness.php

Hope that helps .
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I am a kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. - J.D. Salinger
  #5  
Old May 31, 2009, 04:31 PM
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I agree with you: we need the weeds to appreciate the flowers. Problem is, sometimes the former "suffocate" the latter. About being grateful, the author of the article has a point. Reminding myself of all the things I can be grateful for makes me feel a lot better. I'll try to do that more often.
Thanks
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• A bearer of a shattered soul and a mind all ripped and torn

• I will rather learn to enjoy misery than partake a life of hypocrisy
  #6  
Old Jun 16, 2009, 08:46 PM
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i feel the same way about myself
  #7  
Old Jun 17, 2009, 02:30 PM
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Naturefreak Naturefreak is offline
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Does it really matter if we are beautiful or smart ?
Not near as much as if you are good.
And I think deep down you are a good person.
I'm stuggling with self-esteem also and it's not really that bad
if I think positive thoughts . It's the constant battle with why
bother , its too much effort , this will never end.
I do think concentrating more on being grateful is a great step
in recovery. I am going to try and practice that more myself.
Take Care
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Depression is not a weakness ...... it is a sign that you have been strong for too long.
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Old Jul 21, 2009, 07:13 PM
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  #9  
Old Jul 22, 2009, 06:49 AM
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Thanks everyone Your replies were very appreciated

Special thanks to Fuzzybear for the hugs
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• A bearer of a shattered soul and a mind all ripped and torn

• I will rather learn to enjoy misery than partake a life of hypocrisy
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