[CedarS]

I've been observing for awhile now my tendency to minimize my success, downplay it........and to maximize/exaggerate any of my perceived failures.

I already know from experience that I can brood, that I can shine a spotlight on my supposed failings. But because I haven't been as skilled at focusing on the good stuff, I've been practicing. Working on slowing down my automatic assumptions, on figuratively underlining anything that encourages my self esteem.

I participate in an intriguing site www.ourmedia.org (It is an alpha site and is having glitches tonight, so can't grab exact urls). I am slowly learning how the site works and also about various issues of creating media such as videos, music, podcasts, stories and more.

Ourmedia periodically chooses guest moderators who highlight a few picks of their favorite media on the home page. I recently discovered that my poem "Lucy of The Yellow" was picked.

Now, when I saw that, first I was sure that someone else had written a poem that just by chance had that name. Nope, further investigation showed it was mine. Then I heard myself babble in my head about how this wasn't such a big deal, they had to choose something, now everyone will see how I'm not that swift of a writer, and besides it is just one inferior poem and probably their fingers slipped while they were keyboarding and really they meant something else.



Fortunately I managed to slow all that down and contemplate. It is actually kinda cool that my poem was chosen. I get to enjoy.

So I am celebrating with chocolate chip cookies this evening and by sharing this story. I'd love to hear from other folks how they work to amp their deserved self esteem up one cookie at a time.

Sarah

[Myzen]

Hi Sarah,

Another good thread!

I don't know how to beat the negative mind babble but I will say that if I do something practical and I know it's good, I'm not going to give that away to the first critic who comes along.

Something I have noticed is that criticism is often a sign that the person doing the criticising lacks confidence in themselves. That's why they tend to criticise others so easily. Unfortunately, we also tend to criticise ourselves, and as you rightly say, Sarah, it is because we lack confidence in ourselves.

So, my mantra is that I try not to criticise other people, I give them some encouragement instead. Once I get used to the encouraging voice coming from inside me, then I start to notice how unhelpful the critical voices are.

So now when I hear the critical voice, from someone else or from inside myself, I can have a look at where it's coming from, and it's usually coming form that old 'pool of negativity' yet again.

Looking back at all the people who have helped and motivated me over the years, do I think fondly of the critics? No, those types just knocked me back, the people I remember with fondness and love were the encouraging people.

If we could learn how to encourage ourselves, just think how much better our lives could be. 'Encourage' - to give others and ourselves courage - it's worth it's weight in gold.

Cheers, and keep up the good work, Myzen

[CedarS]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
If we could learn how to encourage ourselves, just think how much better our lives could be. 'Encourage' - to give others and ourselves courage - it's worth it's weight in gold.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Wonderful thought and goal!

Something that helps me if I'm too caught up in negative self talk is to think........"What would I do if a dear friend were dealing with this?". Helps me get back on track, since I know I would be encouraging. I would remind my friend of their worth and success.

I then apply that to myself.

Sarah

[Myzen]

Hi Sarah,

I'd like to take just one step farther with this idea we are sharing, and then rest from the effort!

When I was in a bereavement depression, constantly revisiting the childhood times of not bonding and being constantly subjected to anger and fear, I had a sudden picture of a little boy at the end of the garden, frightened and alone.

I thought - who is going to help that little boy, who is going to do it? Who can go there?

Then I realised that there was only one person who could go back and comfort that little boy. It was me. I had to go back and cherish that little person inside me, and take care of him.

That was the beginning of my recovery.

Phew!!

Cheers, M

[CedarS]

M.,

Beautiful.

My recovery work also heralded by reaching back and taking care of the frightened little girl within.

Treating her well, encouraging her to have a healthy sense of herself that was denied, definitely helps me catch up with the building blocks of maturity and positive self-esteem.

Phew, indeed! Okay, we did good, rest time now. And anyone else reading out there, feel free to join in.

Cheers,
Sarah

[(JD)]

Yes, this aspect falls into one of the 10 cognitive distortions that get us into thinking/feeling trouble. Recognizing it is a great first step! Working on it is even better! TC

[Myzen]

Hi folks,

Here is something funny. When I first read this thread I thought it said - self esteem 'boots'. It quickly flashed through my mind that I'd like some self esteem boots, I'd wear them every day!!

Oh well, we can't be serious all the time.

Good thoughts, M

[JustBen]

I'd like some of those boots, too.

[(JD)]

lol be careful what you wish for!

[DanielleVyas]

I do the exact same thing. I consider myself a good writer and have been told that from teachers, friends and family members. So with that in my mind I am oftentimes blocked to write for school. I am a returning student with a major in anthropology and there is a tremendous amount of writing required in my writing. Everytime I recieve praise the bar I set for myself is raised, so I am in shell shock with the next assignment. I know that I should be confident based on my performance but I start each essay with the thought that it has to be the BEST I CAN DO, which sounds good enough advice but the best in my mind is publishable in an academic journal.

I am a new member and thus far have only responded to other's posts excluding my intro. If anyone can help by offering any advice to change this thought pattern it would help.

To tell the truth, I have about five assignments that I am currently facing with this hindrance.

Danielle V.

[JustBen]

Doing the best you can is good, but you can't go on setting the bar higher and higher...even the greatest writer in the world would be defeated by that kind of standard. If you're writing papers for classes, maybe you shouldn't be focused on publishing in an academic journal.

Focus on writing an excellent paper, not a perfect paper.

[DanielleVyas]

Sorry Sarah,
My reply to you seems to have started my own thread which I will do.
Concerning your post as far as I have read from your postings and communications you do deserve praise the highest of sorts. You seem to have come so far yet are able to see the work is not complete, work on our mental well being no matter who we are should be an ongoing continuous process, which you are clearly advocating.

Warm wishes,

Danielle V.

I recently discovered that my poem "Lucy of The Yellow" was picked

Sarah!

That is awesome! I read that poem in CC!

Congrats to you!

Petunia

[DanielleVyas]

Thank you JustBen



Danielle V.

[CedarS]

Danielle, you are perfectly fine, we are all welcome in this thread to discuss self esteem and perception stuff, no worries.

Self esteem boots, I want some too! I figure mine are practical yet spiffy, sort of edgy yet weather proof, lace up of course.