Advice, Suggestions and general support requested

Hello all I am just going to dive in here....
I consider myself a good writer and have been told that from teachers, friends and family members. So with that in my mind I am oftentimes blocked to write for school. I am a returning student with a major in anthropology and there is a tremendous amount of writing required in my courses. Everytime I recieve praise the bar I set for myself is raised, so I am in shell shock with the next assignment. I know that I should be confident based on my performance but I start each essay with the thought that it has to be the BEST I CAN DO, which sounds good enough advice but the best in my mind is publishable in an academic journal.

I am a new member and thus far have only responded to other's posts excluding my intro. If anyone can help by offering any advice to change this thought pattern it would help.

To tell the truth, I have about five assignments that I am currently facing with this hindrance.

Another note,
I know pretty well the things to alleviate this behavior and general procrastination as I have taking a study skills course, and actually wrote a student handbook. I know I set ridiculous goals for myself that only serve to perpectuate this pattern of mine yet I continue. I do "just do it" when it comes to putting my assignments together but am plagued with thoughts that I do not live up to my own expectations.
When soemone gives me complements, I internally shrug them off saying to myself you are not performing to your best abilities in all aspects of my life.

Danielle V.

Something that helps me is to ask myself "What would I tell a dear friend who was going through this?".

Try to put things in perspective, Danielle. Perfection is not attainable, so reaching for that will only make you miserable. rate your work as objectively as you can on a scale from 1 to 10, and set a cut-off point for yourself. Maybe 8. Promise yourself that when you attain 8, you'll quit revising. That's worked for me in the past -- I've been through the "I can make it a little better" trap many times myself.

long, long ago i took a photography workshop with a man from France. he told us that if we got one good shot out of a 36 frame roll, we should be estatic. he was right and that's where i set my bar. now, i get 20 or 30 and i think it is because he taught me about not setting the bar too high. god bless that man!!!!!!

Perfectionism will kill you. I had to learn when to stop... and accept what my T taught me as "good enough." Revisions can be made when we are older, wiser and wish to elaborate lol btw when I wrote, I used to ADD stuff that didn't suit me, just so the editor had something to take out (ppl in authority need that, ya know??) lol tc Remember, you are probably in the top 4% of the population in your abilities... so don't sweat it.

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Hi Danielle,
I love your name, by the way.
I was the same way in my anatomy classes for massage school. Not with writing but with the tests. If I didn't get 100 then I had let myself down but my classmates wowed me and complimented me for the grades I did recieve.

It turns out when I did get 100, I felt embarrassed like somehow I didn't deserve it or it was "nothing".
It may be you don't think you're worthy of the summit. So, you keep making it to high to obtain, only to find that when you do reach it-somehow it's still not good enough.

I don't know the advice on this except to realize that it's what you're doing and then ask yourself, why?
Hope that helps a little.
(((((Danielle)))))))

Thanks Jax andeveryone else!!!!!(((((((((((all)))))))))))))))))
I do alot of my self work by questioning my behaviors trying to get the root of the problem, but sometimes when I do that I say to myself well I have to figure out why before going forward. I am late with three assignments that I will complete today before taking three tests starting tomorrow and all while caring for my three boys under the age of 5.
Whewww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have to find the happy medium of working on myself and fulfilling my other obligations in life.
Thanks for all the support.

Danielle V.

It's perfectionism. It had me in its grip in my high school French class for a bit, a course in which I generally excelled. I had to write a paper in the French language and, well, I couldn't start. I think if we experience some success in a subject, we begin to, as you said, set the bar higher. In my case, writing was also the area I felt I had expertise. Just remember, the aptitude is still there. And one paper may be excellent, the next three may be so-so. Don't let your performance on any one paper or even several define your level of competence, if that makes any sense.

Try adding to your thought of the "best you can do" ... "for this point in time." The best we can do is always contingent upon elements that are affecting us at the time. The best that can be done might not be what is the best we can do. Have you looked over the CBT 10 common cognitive distortions? I think that is a concise but powerful place to begin when working on changing out thinking. TC

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

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I only vaguely remember the cognitive distortions. Could you post them, Sky?

I bumped up the thread on the 10 cognitive distortions (common ones) in the Psychotherapy Forum...

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

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I did that too. I cried my way through two English classes and an honors class. I have gotten better. However, I still have the little perfectionist in me at work. If I make one mistake, I think I am a bad worker or something. I usually try to remind myself of the good that I do at work. However, my negative thought corrections at work is not as strong as at school. As for solving the problem, I think you have the tools already. It just takes so much hard work that I am not even sure I can ever get rid of my perfectionist tendencies. Keep up the good work.