[stupidsminkle]

So my ex-girlfriend became very close to me in a short period of time, and we had a physically and emotionally intimate relationship. I would say that she knows me better than anyone (besides myself!) and I have told her my insecurities and problems. We just recently decided that it wouldn't work out between us, so we are remaining friends. Well, one of my insecurities is my body and I feel overweight and unhealthy, and she knows that and has seen it. Sometimes she says things that make me feel beautiful, but other times she says things that bring me down... The thing is, I feel too self-conscious to work out and since I have a low self-esteem I try to ignore focusing on my body -- so when I exercise I just feel worse about my body. She keeps asking me how often I work out, how much effort I've put into exercise, how often I stretch, telling me to do cardio every day. I don't know if she is doing this on purpose to try to hurt me or to help me gain a better body image, but she claims that she is doing it as a form of encouragement. But I just feel like these are negative messages that I'm not good enough as I am now. But her advice is valid, and if I change my body I would probably be happier with it, it's just coming across in a forceful way or in a way that seems personal. We're not even dating anymore so she really shouldn't have control over me or be concerned with how I look.. I'm just confused. What do you guys think?

[lynn P.]

IMO I don't think she's trying to bother you. She's probably is concerned and thinks she's a good motivatior. Maybe she should become a personal trainer. When I see an person who is heavier working out - I think wow....look at the motivation...good for them!!

Look at the people on those shows like the biggest loser and the one where they're trying to win a wedding - some of them are wearing spandex. Don't care about what people will say and just start exercising. You should tell her nicely how you feel but I really think she's trying to get you motivated.

[Soul Quake]

If you want her to continue encouraging you, maybe it would be best to broach the subject by telling her you appreciate the encouragement, but sometimes it comes across as aggressive, that you really need her as a cheerleader, and in doing so, a delicate delivery would serve you the best.

Would you be willing to work out with her?

[Perna]

How often are you seeing this "ex" girlfriend? It doesn't sound to me as if the relationship is over between the two of you, you sound a bit too enmeshed still? Are you seeing other friends, doing other things? If her commenting on your exercise habits or lack thereof bother you, tell her. If she is just a friend now, she is spending too much time on you and your issues instead of her own.

If you want to do something about your body, then figure out a way to do it (walking can help) and next time she mentions your "problem" tell her it isn't her business. It sounds like a lot of your problem comes from your desire to do something but not putting that into place and feeling guilty for not doing so. Having a plan or goal for yourself will help your self esteem in and of itself so you can tell others where to get off when they cross the boundaries of good friendship and start meddling in your personal issues (how you "look"/feel about yourself).

[stupidsminkle]

Thanks guys I will think about all your advice ^_^

[Denver Dave]

You'd feel better about yourself if you lost weight and got in better shape, but it's tough to put in the effort when you feel bad about yourself. It's a bit of a paradox.