[MauraD]

Hi everyone!
Thanks for any help you can give me, I barely know where to start this story........ because it's been very distressing.
My husband suddenly abandoned me, our life and our home last autumn - he had been seeing a psychotherapist since the spring, and he felt that he was making progress. He had been begging his GP for a referral to see a specialist in mental health for some time - I couldn't fully understand why he felt wanted to see someone except that he 'just didn't feel right' and he wasn't sick. One therapist he saw a couple of times told him to practice daily affirmations - but he felt that wasn't enough. He spoke of very black thoughts and negative thinking, and when I look back, he found daily living a struggle, and he was often a nightmare to live with because of the 'thunder clouds' he lived under.
Verbal abuse, appalling stonewalling behaviour and silent treatment towards me that could go on for weeks- and I would wait patiently, telling him how much I loved him, and trying to carry on life as normally as I could until his mood lifted.
Life was a rollercoaster to say the least. I often walked on eggshells, and I expected very little from him, and I began to feel afraid.
Since he left - there are some things that have become clearer to me - like the things I've mentioned above.
He has written to me, and in his last email he talks about feeling unworthy and his feelings of rejection around my daughter, who he felt came first. This is untrue of course, but this is how he felt and nothing I did or said could convice him otherwise. His self esteem is evidently so, so low, and it has destroyed our marriage, and him, and our relationship. He didn't have the language to explain his feelings to me, and his behaviour I knew wasn't him, but a part of him he may have had very little control over.

Has anyone any experience of any of this? I miss him terribly and would do anything to help him still - but I don't know here to turn, or what to do.
Thanks for reading

[Perna]

I would just keep encouraging him to get help for his issues (if he hasn't already) and let him know you love and miss him; about all we can do for another. After a bit though you may have to decide how the impact of his being gone is affecting you and your daughter and move on with your own lives if it does not look like he is going to be able to join you again in your marriage.

[MauraD]

Originally Posted by Perna

I would just keep encouraging him to get help for his issues (if he hasn't already) and let him know you love and miss him; about all we can do for another. After a bit though you may have to decide how the impact of his being gone is affecting you and your daughter and move on with your own lives if it does not look like he is going to be able to join you again in your marriage.

Thanks so much for your response Perna. At this point I'm not sure how to word exactly what you said without causing offence, as this could be taken as criticism. This is what I'm dealing with and the situation is very delicate. My husband fled his home and life in a most immature manner, and he has not been in touch much for 6months - this is extreme behaviour, and reactive on his part. I am very concerned about him, and the story is so stupid in my mind......
He was having an affair and I think this catapulted him into leaving so suddenly, that relationship is over now, and he is living with his parents.
Maybe I should reinforce my love and support for him, we are both suffering so much without each other. He tells me he loves me, but that for him it is better to let go.
What does that mean? It makes no sense at all to me, and it is like a really childish situation.
I really think that his issues of worthiness and esteem need to be addressed by me in the most sensitive way possible... Has anyone any insight to how I can convey a message of support?
Thanks for all psych advice!