All my life I have been negative. I have been bullied. I have been called various names but I won't go into much detail. People have said I am pretty and cute and caring. But I accept more of the negative insults than the compliments. So, no wonder I am negative. I know I have to surround myself with nice people but here where I live. Some people aren't so friendly. I hardly hang out with friends. I don't think I have friends in real life. So, anyway how can I be positive? Are there any techniques? Thank you

[Travelinglady]

Yes, happycheeks, there are techniques to use. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) uses them, for example. I'm not able to give you the complete package here though!

Here are some quick ideas:

1) Get an affirmation tape and listen to it (positive statements listened to while in a relaxed state)
2) Write down good things about yourself and read them frequently
3) Focus on the positive each day--what can you be grateful for?
4) Get therapy for low self-esteem, etc.
5) As much as possible, work on fixing bad things in your life. No friends? Then get out with other people--maybe a social group, a community group, esp. people you might have things in common with. Be friendly and positive, even if you don't feel like it.....(We all get rejected sometimes. We just need to accept it and move on. Not everybody can realize how wonderful we are! ) That said, are there things we ARE doing that turn people off? Again, the best way perhaps to find that out is to talk to a counselor or someone you know who cares who can be a bit objective...)
6) Get involved with humor and positive things. Read, watch, listen to things that are funny and entertaining and positive.
7) Relatedly, try to avoid the negative. People, topics, TV shows, etc. that bring you down. I don't even go on some forums here, not because I don't care, but because they upset me too much.

I hope these quick ideas help get you started.

Originally Posted by PAYNE1

Yes, happycheeks, there are techniques to use. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) uses them, for example. I'm not able to give you the complete package here though!

Here are some quick ideas:

1) Get an affirmation tape and listen to it (positive statements listened to while in a relaxed state)
2) Write down good things about yourself and read them frequently
3) Focus on the positive each day--what can you be grateful for?
4) Get therapy for low self-esteem, etc.
5) As much as possible, work on fixing bad things in your life. No friends? Then get out with other people--maybe a social group, a community group, esp. people you might have things in common with. Be friendly and positive, even if you don't feel like it.....(We all get rejected sometimes. We just need to accept it and move on. Not everybody can realize how wonderful we are! ) That said, are there things we ARE doing that turn people off? Again, the best way perhaps to find that out is to talk to a counselor or someone you know who cares who can be a bit objective...)
6) Get involved with humor and positive things. Read, watch, listen to things that are funny and entertaining and positive.
7) Relatedly, try to avoid the negative. People, topics, TV shows, etc. that bring you down. I don't even go on some forums here, not because I don't care, but because they upset me too much.

I hope these quick ideas help get you started.

Thank you for your tips.

[blondemom]

Gratitude and finding things to be grateful for is definitely a help.
One thing I do that seems to help is visualizing good things whether it be seeing myself succeeding or accomplishing a goal, or what have you.
Also, someone once told me that your emotions, circumstances, etc do not define you. Your worth is something that never changes, whether you are an important CEO, or a homeless person, or a drug addict. Every person's worth is constant and never changes. You don't have to do anything to prove your worth because it is ALWAYS there.

[kaliope]

there is a simple philosophy i teach in a class at an agency i work for. its based on the principal "if i do good, i feel good". one thing to remember is that we have all kinds of thoughts, both positive and negative. our thoughts lead to our behaviors which lead to how we feel about ourselves. so if we are having negative thoughts, this will lead to negative actions which leads to negative feelings about ourselves. since you cant control what type of thoughts you have you want to find a way to flip your negative thoughts to positive thought to motivate yourself to take positve actions so you can feel good. if you hate cleaning your house, you cannot simply say "i love cleaning my house" because that is not a truth and will not motivate you to clean. but you can tell yourself that you enjoy living in a clean home and focus on that thought to motivate you to clean and the outcome will leave you feeling happy and calm in a clean home.

so you can apply this principal to all areas of your life. Make healthier choice in your diet and exercise. When you take care of the things you love, your treasures, things that make you happy, you feel better and your self concept increases. Our self concept is something that constantly changes. When we are feeling good about our choices it increases, feeling bad, it decreases. So we want to continue to make good choices so that it stays high. Figure out things that you are good at. Hobbies, talents. Stay involved in those things because when you are doing them you will increase your self concept. Treat others how you want to be treated, with love, respect and kindness. this will increase your self concept. Being honest with yourself and others will increase your self concept. Setting goals, they need to be reasonable, measurable. working towards goals and being successful, no matter how small will increase your self concept.

so again, the idea is to do good to feel good.

[gma45]

Sometimes I just have to tell myself the most simple things like....I am a good person. I say that in my head over and over and over sometimes 100 times a day or more, when those negative thoughts come to me sometimes that is all that I can think of I am a good person! try it. it works for me!

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Thank you

[Miss Laura]

Hey HappyCheeks,

I am in the same boat as you and it sucks big style doesn't it. My Support Worker has said I have zilcho confidence and self esteem. I always put myself down, I believe I deserve to be unhappy and feel I am a guilty person. Its stupid but true.

I have started going to a confidence class it's only the 2nd week. I had to do a "happy box" things that makes me happy and will help when I am down. Today we had to say what we were "good" at..... I was like well I suck at "blah, blah, blah, blah, blah" Its so hard.

All I can say is that I know how hard it is. Affirmations are good though.... my friend sends me them and they are really good to read when I am low and don't believe I am good enough

[Evening]

Every night before I go to bed I write down 10 things I am grateful/thankful/happy for. It can be something simple that makes me laugh because its a little pathetic, like the fact that after 24 years I have finally stopped biting my nails and grown them long, so I can now buy a really awesome nail file and look cool, or something that made me smile during the day, or something bigger like being happy I am no longer being abused or bullied, or that I now have a real bed to sleep on instead of boards. It may take some time but it makes you begin to notice the good things a little more, even just simple things, instead of running on negative 24/7. I do consider myself a very negative person but surrounding myself with more positive things makes me feel better. Just the other day I bought a little yellow polka dot tea cup and saucer to drink tea. And I dry lavender and put it in my room because I like the way it looks. And I listen to classical music. Just surround yourself with little beautiful things.