[NishQuiche92]

I dont know why I have none. I have always been this way, and mostly I think it has a great deal to do a lot with my family. I come from a family who struggles with weight....well back in high school, I was actually at a very healthy weight. I would work out, eat right, and stay active...and because of this, my mom accused me of having an eating disorder. I look back on pictures of myself now, and I guess I could see why...I WAS super skinny...but I never FELT super skinny. I have always had a very curvy body, and a bit of a tummy on me....the stomach fat doesn't like to go away...
I am also bi-racial. I am half black/half white...but live with the white half of my family....my mother never really knew how raise a little black girl, lol....
I was pretty much raised white and my black half was pretty much ignored...and at some points even shunned....as my father was looked down on by my family. I never learned how to take care of my hair types, or skin types...what kinds of make-ups to use for my skin tone...I never had that growing up....and it was a great frustration of mine to know where to fit in.
So now, I am here as an adult...feeling very awkward about things. I have an anxiety disorder, which only makes things worse. I am back to being overweight from a dark period in my life where I was depressed and ate too much. And I have no idea about my roots or heritage.....
I WANT to have self esteem. I WANT to have confidence in myself.I WANT to be healthier and be able to walk around with confidence because nothing is sexier than that! I feel like if I were to get back to working out and did it regularly I would feel better about myself...if I had a stable income I could have more self confidence about the position I am in. The thing that is stopping me is my own personal fears and anxieties about it. I am scared to commit and move forward, and afraid of being looked down on, or accused of being something I am not.

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by NishQuiche92

I WANT to have self esteem. I WANT to have confidence in myself.I WANT to be healthier and be able to walk around with confidence because nothing is sexier than that! I feel like if I were to get back to working out and did it regularly I would feel better about myself...if I had a stable income I could have more self confidence about the position I am in. The thing that is stopping me is my own personal fears and anxieties about it. I am scared to commit and move forward, and afraid of being looked down on, or accused of being something I am not.

NishQuiche,

I read a lot of your goals being long-term. That's good to have big things to work towards ~ but it also helps to have smaller, more reasonable goals to help build your self-esteem.

Go for daily walks ~ start out short and briskly. Try for total of 30 minutes per day (5 or 10 minutes here & there) 5 days per week. After a couple of weeks, push yourself harder by walking faster and for longer times. Throw in hills, weights on ankles or wrists. Listen to favorite music as you walk, to help lose yourself in the action. After that, join a health club or pick up some weights and a book or DVD to follow.

Give yourself a day off between weight lifting, and try yoga or pilates. Personally, I like pilates better, but I'm not real flexible either. Maybe that's why. Push yourself to continue with regular walks daily, for at least 20 minutes, to get your heart rate up. Any longer, and extra calories and fat are burned.

Regardless of race, we all need to exercise to take care of ourselves. You don't need to worry about not fitting in with others. Just take those first steps and keep moving!