I work in the fashion/beauty industry. It used to mean the world to me. Back in the day, nothing could stop me. I envisioned myself the next Anna Wintour. I was so focused, had goals, beautiful dreams, I was on a warpath to success.

And then life happened as it does. Over and over one tragedy, roadblock, brickwall...and I kept getting back up. 25 years of being knocked down and getting back up.

10 years ago, I was faced with the biggest challenge of my life and I trudged through, slogging through the mud and quicksand pits...determined to keep going. My anger propelled me. And love.

Then, three years ago, I was knocked down again. But this time, I couldn't get up. I tried. I crawled. I suffered. I gave up almost. I have been making due but my self esteem is non- existent. Or barely there.

I finally took a chance, a despite feeling humiliated and embarrassed, I asked some coworkers for help. Their expertise. Their input. To help me try to be my best...Improve my outer appearance. Sort of like in the Devil Wears Prada but without sacrificing my insides.

It was hard to ask for help but I did it. And they were lovely about it. Thank God.

I have never had to worry about my appearance before...but since three years ago, I sort of just gave up. I stopped looking in the mirror, stop caring just to the point to where I wouldn't totally humiliate myself in public.

But over the past week, I saw myself. Reflected in others eyes. Wake up call. I realized I do not want to spend the rest of my life alone. I don't want to be isolated and alone with only my cat to talk to on the weekends.

Even a small improvement here and there to start...i hope it helps even a tiny bit. I have a big event coming up in January, a launch, that I do not want to miss because of my fears. The person, people mean too much to me to not show my support.

[Mindinpieces]

Hi Rose, I don't really have a reply for you which I am sorry for- this is more just a muddle of thoughts, but thank you for posting this. It is really grate you have accomplished this and are still working on things. I really wish you all the best with this and with your journey head of yourself. It is good you have something insight to work towards. I am sure that in the future time things will pay off. However there could be that thought of thinking, ok so this may not work out as to your dreams of the end accomplishment. We have all hope for in the past once or twice and then those thoughts got us and then the realization of ok things don't quiet work out as would have hope or our fears of things not working out comes into reality. However sometimes even if it doesn’t always work out with the end result as we would have liked or dreamed could have possibly come true. What is important is that you will feel good for the transition you have made and how you have got yourself too that point. What is really important first and foremost is to feel good about ourselves and how are life's are going.. not that I am suggesting this is all it takes to require happiness or good, respectful feelings of ourselves because it is not, but what I mean is remembering this in the sense that us humans have a good way of not feeling good about doing something however little or unrequired of such a feeling in someone else eyes it may be perceived, we then sort of just end up on auto pilot mood and lose that sense of enjoyment in achieving something. I am sure though from your post you have got that twinkle in your eyes and nothing is going to stop you.

Years ago I was so self-assured, I had it all planned and that was the force that kept me going. However now I have lost the ability to form such a feeling or so called twinkle in my eyes that I once had of the plans and things I would do. Believe me people knew once I was like that there was no stopping me and the amount of times I bounce back from things. Although I never accounted for a time when I would be like this. So it is a breath of fresh air to read this in someone else post, that you have regained yourself and working towards things in a similar way to what you once did or you are working to get back to being similar to how you once where. I can only hope that if one day I can regain that sense of myself even if things I once dreamed of never came true or happened for me life, the fact I have regained myself would always be enough to live my life to how ever many years where meant to be. It is though that sense and notion of fear that I may never be as I once was a person that drags me downs…. All that said though there may still be hope and maybe the light that set’s the twinkle glowing in my eyes has just not crossed my path as of yet, there is still hope. Arr I do go on about all and nothing, which I am sorry for. However I really wishing you all the best and sending you big hugs

[Mike_J]

You will be, and always have been beautiful to me