[jegsu01]

I need some advice. I would like to build my self esteem seeing I really have none. I have no friends, I have a lot of trouble even making friends. I don't have any support, my family doesn't understand me and it is hard.

Does anyone have advice that would help me?

[A Red Panda]

Have you ever sat down and written these two different lists: 1. a list of things that you like about yourself (doesn't matter what, could be things you think you're good at, personality qualities, things about how you look). and 2. a list of things you're proud of (for example, on my own list I have "eating at a restaurant by myself" and "trying sushi". These were very big accomplishments for me!)

Write them down. As many as you can. Each time you look at it, try to think of a new one to add. You can stop at 25 if you wish (to give you a goal!)

Look at the things you're proud of. Is there a theme? Mine have a lot to do with conquering things I was embarassed about - putting myself into situations around people where I would feel like I was standing out. When I need a new goal, I can think about similar things that might make me feel good as well (currently, I'm working up the guts to go to a spa or something. With a friend. Never been to one because I can't handle the idea of someone being focused on my body for any length of time! I'm also going to be staying at a hotel by myself for a few days... which is sorta scary for me. BUT my goal for that is to go and use the hottub.)

I find writing out a wish-list of things I'd like to do to be helpful.. it gives me things to work towards. If they're too big then I look at what I could do that might help me GET to that stage.

Anyway! I don't know if any of these would be useful, but they've definitely helped with my own self-esteem.

[jegsu01]

Thanks for the adviice, I will try that.

[grey_]

-Deliberately, consciously working on your issues, stepping out of your comfort zone (for example making yourself go out meet people)

-If you have been advised or have found a positive thought to a negative one, (like telling yourself that you are not stupid every time you think the opposite person seems to be thinking that of you... who gave him the power to decide that anyway), make sure you have the positive combats ready at the edge of your mind (even if you don’t believe them), ready to be thought consciously at the slightest hint of a self-defeating/negative thought, overthrowing it

-Using these combats regularly, with patience even if you find no improvement at first (it can take really long, and is not a cakewalk, but works)

-Allow yourself the freedom to praise yourself for every time you do it, and every little thing

-Once you find improvement somewhere, hold it as a first obstacle crossed, so you are reminded every time you feel low, that you can do it

-Understanding that what others think or how they react cannot be controlled by you, just as they do not have control over your mind and behaviour, only you can, so use that to modify and control your thoughts and actions in a positive way, no matter how they try to influence you, and how your mind has gotten habituated to get twisted in such situations; it’s now in your power to straighten it all, and improve it all, change it all for the better.

these are things i do, and have helped me in many ways, i do find myself able to deal with certain issues better now, but still struggling... however lately i have been very low, and am questioning this method... i do not know any other way at present... i just hope you get something out of this post, can decide what is good for you or not

good wishes to you