I am so sick of hearing this. Not because I think it's necessarily wrong but because the people who say it inherently think that my only issue with myself is my weight.

No doubt I dislike my weight but losing weight is not going to fix the 15 other things I hate about myself.

And don't even get me started on making it sound like I haven't tried.

I lost a lot of weight once. 30kgs over a 6 month period. Then the doctor put me on risperidone. I put on 40kgs in 3 months (and started lactating, yay!).

I spent a large chunk of high school either not eating or throwing up. My metabolism is shot. Now they tell me I have PCOS and so I'm left wondering what is the point?

No amount of weight loss is going to make me pretty.

[Flipo]

Usually the people who don't think their pretty are the ones who are....

[Frankbtl]

Hi Bete, DO NOT say "Yes" straight away (!!), but are you absolutely, 1001% sure that the other "15" things need fixing?
What's a "flaw" to one person can sometimes be just the opposite to someone else, you know. Now I'm not ignoring that you might really like to change those things, but maybe if you saw them through "different" eyes"???
And if you think about it there's probably going to be millions of things that make us US, that make us unique.........so come on "15" things (even if I were to go with "they could be better"- which I aren't!!) that doesn't have to be major does it??.
Then there may be ways you can knock down, or minimize some of those things. Slight ways, doesn't have to be radical afterall.
AND where are all those things you can admire about yourself in all of this?? I know they're there!!! But maybe you're more losing sight of them with the things that have bothered you. Now even things like "you can care about others" are a real, real big deal!! Although I'm sure there are plenty more things if you think (hard?) about it.
And tell you what, one thing I can say about you, myself, is that you don't think weight is the "be all and end all" of everything. Now that is a big deal compared to some people's opinions in society. So there you go, something more to admire in yourself!! And I want you to keep adding to things you can admire about yourself, got that??!!
And being pretty, would you really want someone/people to "rate you" because you're "pretty" anyway?? Much more to you than that if you've started/when you start that list of things to admire about yourself!! So anyone who focuses mainly on your looks aren't going to be that important to you anyway, right??
Having said that "prettiness" can come from so many different aspects e.g. your smile, your eyes, your character showing through........You might tell me that those aren't "pretty" but you do know (even if only deep, deep down) you are being kind of hard on yourself don't you????
AND believe it or not (!! ) someone is going to find you pretty!!
Best wishes
Alison

Goodness, Alison you are good at this finding a positive business! lol

I actually got into an argument with someone over the fact that I believe myself to be a 3 and he said 6.

I rationalized it by saying 1-5 is ugly, 7-10 is beautiful and 6 is what you give an ugly person when you don't want to tell them the truth.

I think I do realize that I'm being harsh but then there are days when I look in the mirror and wonder how I could have the audacity to inflict myself on the world.

Even when I find something I may like about myself I can always find a but. Guess maybe I have a little work to do in the self esteem area. xD

[Frankbtl]

Bete, You know it's not nice to argue with people don't you!! He says you're a 6........you're a 6 with no catches!!

But like said looks can be SO subjective can't they? I mean you've seen people who've gone to real extremes with cosmetic surgery (which doesn't look good) because it's their or someone else's vision of a 10, Now would you want to look like that just to be someone's 10??? I'm guessing not in a million years, right??? And for different people blue eyes might either knock off or add on another point!! Go figure??!!

And what's the most important thing/s about someone to you?? That they look good or that they're understanding, on your wavelength, nice, caring, supportive etc.
It isn't going to matter that much to you how they look if they're understanding......is it? And it isn't going to matter to anyone else who is really going to matter in your life either. Those things are priceless!!
You can be stunning to people just by being who you are, just by letting your true personality out, just by a smile, just by a look.........

And as I'd always say that some of the most beautiful people in the world aren't "conventionally" attractive. But there's absolutely no denying it!!

And when you're doing this: "Even when I find something I may like about myself I can always find a but"
OK, you might not be able to help that at times but just make sure you throw in another but at the end "But, it really doesn't matter (because it really doesn't!!) because I'm............"
Because you're you and lots of other things, right?? There's SO MUCH more to you than the way you look!!!!!
Best wishes
Alison

[Patsy Cline]

Bete,

I have PCOS too .. It's such a struggle because I don't lose weight like others do. It's discouraging when I eat the same way normal sized people do but I'm twice their size.

And it's not just the weight. So many other things come along with PCOS. I find myself comparing myself to others and hating so many things about myself.

I know that it's the inside person that counts, I just wish everyone else believed that.

Originally Posted by BeteNoire

No amount of weight loss is going to make me pretty.

Some people may disagree with me. I have always felt that inner beauty is what matters, and that your personality will imprint on your face. A good person looks beautiful. One's experiences, thoughts, doubts, feelings, etc. reflect in one's faces, even if subconsciously. Physical beauty is secondary.

Originally Posted by psychehedone

Some people may disagree with me. I have always felt that inner beauty is what matters, and that your personality will imprint on your face. A good person looks beautiful. One's experiences, thoughts, doubts, feelings, etc. reflect in one's faces, even if subconsciously. Physical beauty is secondary.

Not a big fan of the inner me either.

Unfortunately I don't much like anything to do with myself. I know that I have these good points I just have a lot of trouble accepting them and tend to focus more on the negatives.

Sometimes it seems like it's easier to hate myself.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by BeteNoire

No doubt I dislike my weight but losing weight is not going to fix the 15 other things I hate about myself.

If you are "stuck" discouraged about the weight, then work on one of the other 15. They do actually help each other as working on anything influences the "space" the others take up in your life and how you feel about them. It is like like a pile of rubble and you pull something out of it; the other stuff crashes down and it looks like nothing positive is happening, but it is.

I was watching "Tangled" last night, when they were in danger of drowning

but she started to sing so Eugene could see in the water that her hair was going to an outside source? He started pulling out rocks and more rocks fell and covered those but. . . It can be like that.

I think my weight is quite possibly the easiest of my issues with myself to sort out. Most of the others would require surgery if they can be fixed at all.

Unless someone knows of some miracle cream for scars/ stretch marks?

[Brandon Vu]

I too was overweight, and it was not cool. People who say love yourself for who you are, are right on some level, but it is undeniable that people do draw confidence from external opinion as well, regardless of who you are a genuine compliment will always make you feel better.
In terms of losing weight, the key is not to rely on will power rather, rely on fun. When I picked up cycling, an incredibly fast, fat burning excercise, I lost weight and reshaped my body without even trying to. The point is willpower is not sustainable, and neither are quick fix drugs. I think the best thing to improve your weight is exercise that is fun !

Once your health improves, once your fitness improves, a psychological transformation occurs and generally you will feel better. Try it out, see how you go

[Brandon Vu]

Try to find a form of exercise that is fun, generally you will lose weight without even trying. Once your fitness improves your self esteem will probably follow.

[PianogirlPlays]

I am thinking about the amazing things you can do with your body. Like reading, cooking, helping a friend , smiling, dancing, walking and lifting things . It just occurs to me I am looking at physical attributes and not the amazing things I can do