[lexxinski]

I think finally I dug down to the root of my problems i.e. not fully accepting myself as I am.

And I have no idea how to do it....

I tried to like, love, value myself in vain, until I realized that first I have to accept myself. The acceptance will be the base upon which I can build self esteem, without it all my attempts at raising self esteem will be fruitless.

[gayleggg]

Acceptance of myself has been an ongoing problem too. I find it harder when I'm depressed which just makes the depression worse. I don't really know the answer but I agree it plays a major key to self-esteem problems.

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[Ponder]

Hmm. I'm trying to learn to accept myself too.

My first thoughts on the matter are that I am a lot like every body else. I am a big mix of "good" and "bad". Sometimes I am really pretty. Sometimes I am really ugly. Sometimes I am smart and know just what to say. Sometimes I say exactly the wrong thing. Sometimes I am on time or even early. Often I am late. Some times I get it right the first time. Sometimes I don't get it right at all. Well and sometimes I "get it right" after lots of practice!

Hmm.
It's OK to be imperfect.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

I suppose you have to identify what it is you don't care for in yourself, when these feelings started, why they persist and what is the evidence? It is quite difficult to do without help.

I would guess you are a pretty OK sort of person who probably has good reasons to be kind and sympathetic to yourself. Most people are.

[Bipolar Warrior]

Here is my train of thought on this matter: "Anything but perfection is unacceptable. It's just not okay to be imperfect, and you are imperfect, therefore you are not okay. You will never be perfect, either; it's out of your reach, because you have bipolar disorder so you are constantly failing at life. Ultimately, you are always going to be useless. Enjoy life, you immense moron."

For me, the first step on the road to self-acceptance is to defeat my inner bully, but that's going to be hard because it has been a part of me for as long as I can remember (and then I was bullied by my classmates in secondary school, which certainly didn't help). I have lived with these horribly evil scripts for years, so that it now seems perfectly normal and acceptable for me to abuse myself. My university therapist is doing her best to deflate the bully, and she has been somewhat successful, I suppose, because I have started to notice this pathetic emotional part of me that produces feelings other than self-hatred.

I have always been very self-critical. I remember being seven and doing those handwriting exercises for my homework; I would erase the same word, or even just one letter, so many times that I'd eventually tear a hole in the page. Where that level of perfectionism and self-criticism came from, I do not know. But it feels like it is so ingrained into my being that I'm not sure I can ever fully get rid of it?

[PowerOfNoSelf]

When I realized I was my worse critic, I awoke to the knowledge that more than half the thoughts that float through my head are not true and I actually have the power to immediately dismiss those that don't effectively serve me!

In so doing, I accept the thoughts and therefore myself much easier because I choose which ones to live by,. Thoughts turn into words turn into actions.

Positive thoughts produce positive actions equals love and acceptance in a more natural process.

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[itsgettinglate]

I know this thread is a bit old, but it's an interesting topic.

One thing that has helped me a bit is to be very careful, and a little generous if need be, in describing the self I'm trying to accept. I don't usually attack myself, but I can get very down about my prospects. So I don't try to accept that "things will never change and they suck", but rather, I shoot for something like "I'm stuck and I might not be able to change the issue I'm stuck on, but maybe I can improve how I feel about it". Or some such.

I've also realized that the thing I need to accept isn't the "issue", but how I feel about it. This works for me because the "issue" is almost always big and scary and outside my control, but how I manage my feelings about it seems pretty accessible.

[Sevensong]

I wish I knew. I get freaked out, even scared, thinking too much about myself "as I am." My attention slides away, as if by some self-preservation instinct.

Originally Posted by Bipolar Warrior

Here is my train of thought on this matter: "Anything but perfection is unacceptable. It's just not okay to be imperfect, and you are imperfect, therefore you are not okay. You will never be perfect, either; it's out of your reach, because you have bipolar disorder so you are constantly failing at life. Ultimately, you are always going to be useless. Enjoy life, you immense moron."

For me, the first step on the road to self-acceptance is to defeat my inner bully, but that's going to be hard because it has been a part of me for as long as I can remember (and then I was bullied by my classmates in secondary school, which certainly didn't help). I have lived with these horribly evil scripts for years, so that it now seems perfectly normal and acceptable for me to abuse myself. My university therapist is doing her best to deflate the bully, and she has been somewhat successful, I suppose, because I have started to notice this pathetic emotional part of me that produces feelings other than self-hatred.

I have always been very self-critical. I remember being seven and doing those handwriting exercises for my homework; I would erase the same word, or even just one letter, so many times that I'd eventually tear a hole in the page. Where that level of perfectionism and self-criticism came from, I do not know. But it feels like it is so ingrained into my being that I'm not sure I can ever fully get rid of it?

I have OCPD which is different than OCD. Do you think you may have this?

I dont hoard but I do worry about throwing things away that I might need later.
Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder Symptoms | Psych Central

[lexxinski]

Thank you all for your wonderful input!

I feel better now. It wasn't easy. Things don't change in an instant, it's a lot of work looking into yourself, lots of analyzing. Even when you pinpoint the problem, the next step is fixing it.

I think for me two things were of crucial importance.

1. Realizing that I don't have to perfect and it's ok to be imperfect. And that perfection is basically judgment, it's a made up idea and it is based on comparison. So I tried to stop comparing myself to others.

2. Something my therapist said to me - that self criticism and low self esteem is not natural, it is a program that was put into our heads by our parents, friends, tv, the environment and also ourselves. The natural state of mind is loving yourself and being yourself, and accepting yourself - how do I know that? Because that's how children are, that's our natural state.

[Simone70]

The natural state of mind is loving yourself and being yourself, and accepting yourself - how do I know that? Because that's how children are, that's our natural state.

I love this! I am able to like who I am so much more than I once did. For many years I was lost in a world where I genuinely believed I was worthless/useless/unloveable. It's such a relief to actually accept myself, warts and all!