Hi there,

I'm desperate to find my own direction in life, but what I feel is holding me back is not knowing I actually deserve it. I think it goes back to my childhood where I learned I wasn't worthy of my parents time. Of course, I can now see it was about their problems, but that old belief is still there within me - that it was my fault they couldn't be bothered with me.

My whole life I've felt like, what's the point of 'shining my own light' out there WHEN no one cares? I think this is where I go wrong.. It was only my folks who didn't 'care', who were threatened by me being me. But like my therapist has said, we draw conclusions about life based on our earliest experiences - by the age of five, we've pretty much got it 'all figured out' in our heads - that this is what people are like, what men/women are like, what life is like. And we then live our lives from within that schema we've formed in our minds, believing it to be the only truth.

But it's not, is it? For instance, in my case, it's not that human beings, people - nobody - will 'care'. Sure, some won't be able/willing to see me because they've got issues like my parents did/still do.. But it doesn't mean I'm not worth knowing?

I already know all this but my heart is telling me otherwise - because it's scared to live in a world where those early conclusions aren't accurate, afraid to live 'without' a schema.. I feel I just need that reassurance that I'm actually right about this, so that I can replace the early schema with a better, more accurate one that will actually make it easier and less scary for me to live in the world - that will actually make it possible for me to shine that light because I'll know that people (not all, but many!) will want to see it

[BeYou]

If what ever you are thinking of planning to do makes you feel better emotionally - that is the way to do it! Your assurance should your good feeling, your passion and relief. Of course you should shine your light! That is why you were born! You were born to be yourself, and not to please everyone in your life. The problem is that since humans take so long to mature, we need parents to take care of us. So we think " if I don't what they want me to do, they will stop feeling me and I will die." And worse, we think that parents know better, what is not always true! Just because they were born before us didn't make them better than us. It could be, that we were born to teach them better! You can be the light so they will follow. That is why you grow up like that. So understand that and know that you are here to shine. Take that leap, rewrite your story. Because in reality - only you can! I believe in you. Because I was in the place where you are, and I can you - there is away out!

Thank you so much, BeYou! This is exactly what I needed to hear