It started today. I had a friend over, who really, I don't think I can take right now. She doesn't seem to understand me, my life. And I feel terrible about it. I feel judged for being on disability. She literally said, "I don't understand why you don't get a job or go to school." I'm working on these things. They are my goals. Sheesh.

It's true that I present well. Very well. Sometimes I even think I can get a job. But I'm working on one thing at a time. It's true that I'm not always satisfied with my life.....but why...why does that give people the right to judge and not understand me? I don't think she has a lot of empathy. And i don't think she's a good friend. And I'm going to cut her out for a while. She's hurt me before. Ugh!

There's a lot I'm working on, and I feel like I'm actually in a good place. I'm exploring my interests and hobbies (I have a lot of them!), I'm looking for a new therapist / psychiatrist, and trying to move out of my parents house.

[CANDC]

starrysky, talking to friends and family about the challenges we face often gets that simplistic response. That is why many people have people on Psych Central that they keep in touch with because there is less judgment about MI.

One thing to do is prioritize your goals.

strengthen my hobbies and see what jobs may be related to jobs I could do.
ex get a T and pdoc to help stabilize
get a job to save for moving out
Consider the advantages and disadvantages of living at home or independently
find out how much it will take to live independently - have 6 months savings in case lose job or emergency expenses
set up support team so when move out will have strong support
when have money and support team in place, discuss with parents timetable of moving out.

I'm sorry that happened with your friend. That's hurtful when a friend doesn't understand. I've had that happen many times.

As for presenting well, I know what that's like, too. It's a double-edged sword. When I get hammered because I "present well", I usually ask myself silently "Well...would you want to look sicker?" I always have to say "No, not really."

I'm going to give you a link to an explanation of the "spoon theory". I don't know if you've heard of it before. It's more commonly associated with people who have lupus or other "invisible" illnesses to try to explain why they can't do as much as a healthy person.

I have both medical and psych problems, and I find that the spoon theory applies to my depression just as much as it does to my other health problems.

I try to remind myself that people just really have no clue what it's like. They have no clue how much energy depression saps from us, how much energy it can take sometimes just to take a shower and get dressed.

When my depression is better, I even find myself sometimes looking back in my memory with a sort of amazement at how hard things were just a few months ago.

I don't know if the spoon theory will be of any help to you. The first time I read it, I thought it was kind of dumb. The image of a handful of spoons stuck in my mind, though, and sometimes now I'll find myself considering how many spoons I feel like I have on a particular day and what I want to use them for.

You sound like you're in a good place. Trust yourself and keep doing what you're doing at your own pace.

Thank you jo thorne and candc.
I am feeling better today.

[introspectiveme]

Your friend probably does not understand what you're going through, maybe she should first talk to you about what you're going through before suggesting things. Maybe you seem "fine enough" to her based on how you present yourself i.e, hiding your pain and smiling on the outside, hurting inside. She also doesn't realize that words can hurt.

[Fuzzybear]