Not forcing myself to be something

For a long time now, I've felt I really need to start taking better care of myself, but just can't seem to do it

When I saw a therapist years ago, we got to a point where she'd often say, 'Maybe now's the time to just sleep.. eat.. move.. when you feel like it - even if that's all you know about yourself for now.'

I was (and still am) trying to force myself into knowing 'what I want to do with my life'. I think this goes back to my mum who's always wanted me to be something - while paradoxically never wanting to know who I really am, what floats my boat.. As well as mixing what someone does with who they are.

There's always been a huge part of me that's wanted to please my mum in order to keep the peace. I've also completely acquired her way of working myself to the ground because for some insane reason, she values that. But I can't do this anymore.

The truth is, I don't know what I want from my life, and I think that should be OK. I'm going to stop forcing the issue. I'm going to do what my therapist said and just give myself what I need for now..

I know there's a real person inside of me wanting to come out, but of course, it's not safe if there's no one on the outside who WANTS to know her.. I need to find people who do! And the fact that my mum can only see and value me through my achievements (that SHE approves of) is her problem.

Yes, yes, you're absolutely right
Your true self will come out on his own. No need to hurry, it will only make things worse. Just take care of yourself, right now, there's a time for everything

I'm so glad you came to this conclusion... I told you: you're strong

You seem to be having a lot of insight into yourself lately. It's been very interesting & inspiring to read. Thanks for sharing with us.

Thank you so much for the validation and for your encouragement, MickeyCheeky, it's such a big help

Yours_Truly, I tend to go through phases when the realisations just keep coming all the time I'm so glad to hear my posts have inspired you. Thank you for reading and replying

There's an old saying from a long time ago that goes something like ts:

A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. (unknown)

Who really ever knows what they want to do with their life? And if, by chance they do, how long will that thought last?

How old are you love? Sounds like you're a youngster, maybe in their early to mid 20s, a little older or younger, give or take. I am 52 years old, and I JUST NOW, in the last year, know what I absolutely want to do with my life. I'm a girl, and from the tailend of a different generation so I'm old fashioned in the sense that I didn't, and still don't think I have to know something like that, as I'm a person who doesn better with a mate, and I am of the belief that I can be the president of a giant company or sit at home making pottery while trying to find myself, all the while, making sure my man goes to a job that can comfortable support us, have the ethic that he is always going to want and will be the primary and dependable source of income and never expect anything from me except what I wbat to do, depending on how I feel when I get up in the morning. However, I am education, for my own personal enjoyment and have studied degree progams in areas that fortunately supply nwell paying jobs and are in the majority in abundance, or can always find quick, legitimate work that has a good, above the average pay scale. I was able to go to school, full time with nothing at all to do but nothing for almost five years about 10 years agao, and ended up with a certification and graduate in record time, a 3 year college program in the field I have had a passion and natural appitude for since I was a young adult, over 30 years agao. All I had to do was study and i got a gift where my only responsibility but was also my top interest to learn and always diid throughtout my life and in law.

It was all I did for two years straight alone, while recovering from, a each procedure able to stay up for as long as i wanted, as many days as u wanted, doing what I love to do in my off work time and on weekends that shouldve been some sort of challenge and goal. But i was in hog heaven. The honest fact is that I eventually ended up doiing what I thought i didn't want to do, work in law firms, with the people, and administration, and attorneys shand the organizational corporte hell and unpredictable people working at any office is guaranteed, but after falling into a temp project in 2011 here i am many years later, with a reputation for being one of the top in her field and community as well as half of the state I'm in. It has and still is been a non stop cluster foook of what law firm type office character will I be dealing with today type of thing, but i'm doing what i love and my profession, skills and level along with an impressive professional network in the surrounding 100 miles in every direction and county -- and federal i might add -- makes me feel that all of the genuine horror shows, people and being exposed to the numerous abnormal and mentally stable support staff, egomanial and incompetent attornies and incompetnet and unquaiifed "office managers or HR people" ive had the displeasure of coming acoss worth the chronic pain in the *** disipate into near mental breakdown phase == it has been worth it to me

this profession and what i do is not fof the faint at heart. If i force myself to do something that issn't my own desire, and stil worry about famioy and other people i'm defeating the purpose of being in a position to only find out what i DON'T WANT.

Its harder for men because you have to be more responsible and decide what you want to do for the rest of your life with pressurecasue you don't have the option of flaking off and ending up doing jobs you know won't last forever but they wil pay for your recreataional fun.

i'm getting very tired and i ramble on too much. i may have lost my l\point and wander off, if so i apologize,

my point is to not be so hard on yourslef and ad the stress and aactually killeer of your spirut and will make you feel more confursed, etc. if you start thinking doing things you think yiu have to do becuase of other people and society.

Unless you have serious responsiblity, married with kid, you dont have to think about anything but who can go out and do something, how can I have great sex without dealihg with any headaches and how many years it takes to go out and drink or stay up late every night -- even on work or school lnights- with the attitude that its friday or saturday every night -- and have a job that you never miss even what you think hyou will die - in other words., the day you know you can't stay up all night, drink to get drunk and weather a hangover and not feel like your dying and on the verge of collapes -- and people start seeing you look like you partied, then you know that party is over.

just try ti make a list of what yu DO NT WANT TO DO, IT WILL BE A DEALBREATER, ABSLLUTELY NOT LIST -- and then take it from there.

stary strong....courage!!