Self esteem

Self esteem what is that
Self worth again I'm confused
I got here somehow so I must have a certain about of skills and value
But why don't I see it
Why can't I see myself properly
How I think of myself can't actually be true because I wouldn't make it
I wouldn't be where I am today

I just see failing, tries to hard, stupid, failure, worthless
I fail all the time
Nothing goes right
I don't do anything well

I know how you feel. I have told myself many times that I do not do anything well. As the oldest sibling, I grew up with high expectations from my parents that eventually became my own high expectations. Although my parents expectations of me lowered as I got older and they had more children, my high expectations of myself stayed the same. Consequently, I have lived most my whole life trying to be perfect at everything I do and almost every time I make a mistake, I am excessively hard on myself. Over the past few years, I have been gradually overcoming this problem by doing a few things.

The first thing I did was realize that all people make mistakes, which means that it is okay for me to make mistakes. One of the best ways for me to learn something is to make a mistake. The best way for me to respond after making a mistake is to learn from it and to try not to do it again. The second thing I did was realize that I do not have to be so hard on myself when I make a mistake. It is okay for me to be upset with myself when I mess up, but I have to let it go shortly after I make the mistake. Beating myself emotionally for making a mistake has no benefits. The third thing I did was realize that I do not have to be perfect at everything I do. All people are better at certain things and not as good at other things. It is okay for me not to be good at some things.

The fourth and most important thing I did was realize that I actually have done and do some things well. When I was younger, I played a few sports and won many trophies and plaques for all the great accomplishments I made while playing them. I still have these awards in my bedroom. I was sitting on my bed one day thinking of a way to stop myself from thinking that I do not do anything well and to convince myself that I do some things well. I looked at my trophies and plaques and realized that I have done some things well in my past. In order to earn these trophies and plaques, I had to make some correct decisions, perform at a high level, and do some things well. It was at this moment that I started to believe that I do some things well.

Then, I started thinking about other examples of myself doing things well, such as when I earn good grades on papers and tests when I am in school, when I make correct decisions about how I spend my money to allow myself to have enough money to survive, when I make correct decisions about how I take care of my health that allow me to be alive today, and decisions that I make with my family that turn out to be the right decisions that help the entire family. Now, I believe that I do some things well and have a wonderful feeling inside of me because I actually believe it. I hope you can think about some things in your life that you have done well and can start to believe that you actually do some things well too.

Try googling positive self talk. I have lots of negative self-talk too. My counselor is working with me on rational vs. irrational thoughts and positive affirmations. I'm journaling about it alot. It takes practice to change your mindset, but it is going to be worth it.