[xRavenx]

I just feel that I'm very hard on myself and can't let things go. I wonder what my life would look like if I were different. I wish I had the self-esteem to not take everything upon myself, internalize everything, and over analyze the things I say or do. This leads me to believe that the world is against me for good reason (because I feel I ruin everything).

I'm just too sensitive. I feel much better about myself when in euphoric mania, but that is short-lived. The crash is terrible. However, despite having Bipolar, I know I'm overly sensitive at heart and hate how this affects me.

I always feel I say the wrong things. I play things in my head like a broken record if I feel I had failed to meet the expectations of others. Everything always feels like my fault, because I read into everything. It will take only something small for me to all of the sudden fault myself for not saying the right thing. Then, I jump to the conclusion I'm better off not being here. I wonder if my friends are thinking bad things about me, although this is probably paranoid/irrational thinking. It feels real though. I try so hard. Probably too hard, but I can't get these thoughts out of my head. It takes tons of reassurance from people to feel differently, but I don't reach out to them, because then I'll be perceived as needy.

I'm basically venting. I don't know how to stop the cycle. If anyone has any tips that have helped them with some of these patterns, please share, because sometimes as soon as I feel I am starting to work on this, something sets me back further.

[Skeezyks]

Hello xRavenx: I don't really have any suggestions for you. I have always been very much the same... way too sensitive. I know how difficult it can be. Over the years it has led me to simply become pretty-much thoroughly reclusive. I hope you find your way through this difficulty.

[xRavenx]

Thank you, Skeezyks. (((Hugs))). I think this is something I have to spend more time talking about in Therapy to find my way.

[annabelle_01]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I just feel that I'm very hard on myself and can't let things go. I wonder what my life would look like if I were different. I wish I had the self-esteem to not take everything upon myself, internalize everything, and over analyze the things I say or do. This leads me to believe that the world is against me for good reason (because I feel I ruin everything).

I'm just too sensitive. I feel much better about myself when in euphoric mania, but that is short-lived. The crash is terrible. However, despite having Bipolar, I know I'm overly sensitive at heart and hate how this affects me.

I always feel I say the wrong things. I play things in my head like a broken record if I feel I had failed to meet the expectations of others. Everything always feels like my fault, because I read into everything. It will take only something small for me to all of the sudden fault myself for not saying the right thing. Then, I jump to the conclusion I'm better off not being here. I wonder if my friends are thinking bad things about me, although this is probably paranoid/irrational thinking. It feels real though. I try so hard. Probably too hard, but I can't get these thoughts out of my head. It takes tons of reassurance from people to feel differently, but I don't reach out to them, because then I'll be perceived as needy.

I'm basically venting. I don't know how to stop the cycle. If anyone has any tips that have helped them with some of these patterns, please share, because sometimes as soon as I feel I am starting to work on this, something sets me back further.

This is definitely something I can relate to. It's a cycle and can take its toll on you. I'm sorry that you're struggling through this, but know you're not alone in it. I do the same thing.

I'd say you just have very high emotions and there is nothing wrong with that. People feel what they feel and deal with it in all ways.

What I've learned to do is try to slow my mind down and be one in the moment. Sometimes writing or listening to music helps, or doing something that pulls your mind away from all those racing thoughts.

Take care of yourself and if you need anything, message me.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by annabelle_01

This is definitely something I can relate to. It's a cycle and can take its toll on you. I'm sorry that you're struggling through this, but know you're not alone in it. I do the same thing.

I'd say you just have very high emotions and there is nothing wrong with that. People feel what they feel and deal with it in all ways.

What I've learned to do is try to slow my mind down and be one in the moment. Sometimes writing or listening to music helps, or doing something that pulls your mind away from all those racing thoughts.

Take care of yourself and if you need anything, message me.

Thanks so much. Those are good suggestions, especially since it's important for me to have outlets. I haven't been writing a lot, so maybe that's something I should get back into. I do use music a lot and play songs that I relate to quite frequently. What you said about having to "stay in the moment" is something I definitely need to do more often.

I've learned a bit about mindfulness and wish my therapist did more of that stuff with me. Maybe I can ask her since I need help training myself to "stay in the moment." I've tried meditation, which can sometimes help, but when my anxiety is so high, it's difficult, but I do have my PRN meds to help slow the racing thoughts more, although that only helps to a point. I wish I wasn't so emotional, but maybe I need to work harder at accepting that I am, rather than fighting so hard against this.

[Misssy2]

I am just like you and I agree with everyone they all had really good/understanding replies for you...just wanted to check in on your thread.