Developing Confidence

Do you know of any good books on how to develop confidence for those who lack it in all their aspects of life? Or if you have some suggestions and hints on how you developed your confidence from your own experience if you feel like sharing.

I tried lots of books but can't remember their names now, but the best thing for me was learning to ride a motorbike, and riding it regularly.

I am sorry, but how did that help you developing confidence? Did you lack confidence in riding motorcycles only? If not, how did you use it in other areas of life you lacked confidence in?

For me, I feel most confident when I accomplish things, from chores to research papers. I feel confident when I work hard because it makes me feel like I'm productive and I'm building life and making my lifestyle better. I also feel confident when I'm going out with friends or my boyfriend and I look really good. That's also when I feel really good about myself too. It's a variety of things that I do in my life, really.

It's definitely a personal journey, where you find what makes you confident and build your self-esteem. Whatever makes you feel happy and confident in yourself, like playing an instrument really well. Some people don't feel like their confidence should come from things we do, but from self-worth that's intrinsic. It's good practice to give yourself compliments throughout the day, to encourage you.

I feel confident when I run, a little bit when I bike or swim but mostly running.

I don't know what it is about running, maybe because it's a challenge I find it hard sometimes but if I push myself just a little bit I can do it. I feel strong, free and confident when I run.

So for me it is tied in with achievement (although I am not fast).

I also agree with Eunice that actively encouraging ourselves is good - self compassion, forgiving ourselves of any mistakes we make.

Good luck

I relate to not having confidence in anything. But unlike the other posters, accomplishing things does nothing to help. Not overall or in the specific thing I've accomplished things in.

For example, I've been accepted to present at a certain conference for the last three years in a row. I'm about to submit my work for this year, but beyond it being clear that they'll apparently accept anything after you're accepted the first year, I don't have that much confidence that they'll actually be interested my trash for this year. Maybe it's because I put in significantly less effort and time in than most people so then it feels like it isn't an accomplishment?

Now as to what builds confidence? Apparently nothing in my case. Maybe if I'm ever able to make a comfortable living or if my skills are actually recognized by most of my peers (instead of just a couple) and I'm actually treated like I'm worth something, maybe then I could develop confidence.

I don't know if you relate to any of that at all, but I thought I would share my experience. Especially since I too want to know how to build confidence.

I have to be the center of attention in my job. I am a mobile DJ. It took me forever practicing to be able to talk on the mic in a way that demands attention.

Now that I have that mastered (pretty much public speaking), I feel a lot better at my worth in my job. The music part is easy, I have been a DJ for 15+ years, but those were mostly spent in clubs and bars and online radio stations where I didn't have to be on the mic.

I feel a lack of confidence in other areas of my life, but it seems less pressing because I conquered one of my demons.

If you can face down one of your fears and defeat it, you will gain confidence in other areas. You will know you are strong enough to deal with what is served up for you on any given day.

I struggle with this issue myself. I used to actively practice self compassion daily. Here's a good webpage that I use Self-Compassion Exercises by Dr. Kristin Neff She also wrote a book called Self Compassion. I think this relates to confidence because its about feeling good about yourself and not beating yourself up when things go wrong. It's hard and I'm still getting there myself. I can tell you that when I practice self compassion, I usually get out a piece of paper, or my journal, and think about something bothering me. I sometimes write that down, but usually I write to myself as I would talk to a dear friend or a child I care about. I say supportive things. It helps.

Hello Mr. Stranger,

Good thread, btw. First I want to say that nobody is confident in every single area of their life. We all struggle with inner demons, from the rich to poor, from the unknown to the renowned.

My therapist told me that confidence is step-by-step. A good video I watched was by Will Smith. His father told him and his brother to build a brick wall. Will Smith was a young kid when his dad asked him to do that. So, you know what he did? He laid down each brick with precision.....one at a time....until a perfect wall was built. Well, maybe not perfect, but darned near perfect, according to his dad who worked in the building industry.

You can google the video online.

Point of the story is.....Rome wasn't build in a day to look that glorious. I can use the same analogy to confidence. Each step builds your confidence, no matter what area you are trying to improve. Write it down in a journal daily, or give yourself a gold star on the calendar for any sign of improvement. Visual things help me build up myself.

Best wishes.

I have issues with my self-confidence from time to time. Right now, I'm unemployed and thinking back to the last time I was unemployed.

At that time, I did not really have the confidence to go out and interview for jobs. This friend of mine came up with this construction project, and needed some help with it. I was doing some contract work, so I had some free time.

The more I helped him with his project, the more I learned. The more I learned and did, the greater my confidence grew.

Eventually, an opportunity came up, and I totally nailed the interview and got the job.

Helping someone build a shed in their back yard, and learning more about how to build sheds had absolutely NOTHING to do with what I did for a living at that time. But it showed me that I can learn new things, and that I can do something beyond what I have done before.

This helped me gain some much-needed self-confidence.

This is coming at it from a different angle but I had a book long ago that my psychiatrist just had me order again called Feeling Good. It's about the way we talk to ourselves negatively (which pulls down self esteem) and the cognitive distortions that are involved. Once you learn to catch the negative self talk, recognize which cognitive distortion it is and correct it, you'll start feeling better and better about yourself. You have to put in the work though. Good luck and best wishes.

When I was younger I had confidence now it seems to have left 🐻.