Originally Posted by may24

I've just found this thread and I'm glad I that did I need to work on self-compassion and forgiving myself.
Today I was feeling very tired and I took care of myself by staying home and resting, and letting myself cry when I needed to (and not judging myself or getting upset).
I also had pizza for dinner and skipped the gym and I didn't beat myself up for it

I'm glad you're here May I started this thread way back in 2017, and I'm still working on self compassion in my own personal life. Self forgiveness sounds wonderful. There are whole books written on forgiveness. I think it goes very hand in hand with self compassion.

I love that you did not judge yourself. I find for myself that can be hard. However when I do do it, I'm like, Knitchick for the win! Pizza sounds great

Originally Posted by possum220

I just found this thread. Yay! I need to be kinder to myself. The goat track in my head very quickly goes to the negative and critical within point zero of a second. These thoughts seem so constant that the very idea of tackling them seems impossible. Why is it so much easier to be kinder to other people than myself? I would never dare to say to others what I say to myself. The task itself seems enormous.


Where do I start?

Hi Possum! Welcome aboard When you asked "Where to start?" the first thing that popped into my head was the way we talk to ourselves. It was an idea that was introduced to me a few years ago. When I say that, I mean, tone of voice, and yes, what we say to ourselves as well. The way it was introduced to me was "imagine you are someone's loving mother, or that you have a loving mother or parental figure speaking to you." I also really have gotten a lot out of Kristen Neff's book Self Compassion as well as her website, Self-Compassion I think the website may be more helpful in some respects because it seems to break things down, make them simpler, and has exercises / practices anyone can try.

I hope I helped. Feel free to bring up questions and comments. Have a great day.

[possum220]

Thanks for the welcome and the link KnitChick. Did you get the work book? I signed up for the site.

I think it will take very deliberate actions or thoughts to change. Maybe even acceptance of myself and being curious why I think some things. I am very much beginning a work in progress as we all are.

[may24]

Originally Posted by KnitChick

I'm glad you're here May I started this thread way back in 2017, and I'm still working on self compassion in my own personal life. Self forgiveness sounds wonderful. There are whole books written on forgiveness. I think it goes very hand in hand with self compassion.


I love that you did not judge yourself. I find for myself that can be hard. However when I do do it, I'm like, Knitchick for the win! Pizza sounds great

Thank you! You're so kind . I think it's a good idea to keep track of the little things we do to each day to take care of ourselves. I've been doing positive affirmations lately and now I'm trying to keep a journal where I write the things I'm grateful for.
That sounds interesting. Do you have any book recommendations?
I've struggled with feelings of guilt and shame my whole life... and unfortunately I went through a few bad experiences recently that triggered some stuff from the past. I want to be able to let go and stop blaming myself for things I can not control.
Thanks for your support I hope you're doing well

Need to take some time for myself today but I will try to respond tomorrow or Monday. Have a good weekend.

Originally Posted by possum220

Thanks for the welcome and the link KnitChick. Did you get the work book? I signed up for the site.

I think it will take very deliberate actions or thoughts to change. Maybe even acceptance of myself and being curious why I think some things. I am very much beginning a work in progress as we all are.

Hi Possum, yes, I have her book Self Compassion. I'm glad I have it as a resource. I like her website too though. And I must admit, I have not read or looked at the book or website in a while. I have been doing a lovingkindness meditation in the mornings, and thats sort of dwindled too. I think writing this is a good reminder to get back at it.


Yes, I agree with you about deliberate actions. YES, acceptance of yourself and curiosity about your thoughts is great! I have learned that while accepting something does not always mean you approve, it does bring me closer to peace.


Yes. We are all a work in progress. Proud to be a work in progress over here!

Originally Posted by may24

Thank you! You're so kind . I think it's a good idea to keep track of the little things we do to each day to take care of ourselves. I've been doing positive affirmations lately and now I'm trying to keep a journal where I write the things I'm grateful for.
That sounds interesting. Do you have any book recommendations?
I've struggled with feelings of guilt and shame my whole life... and unfortunately I went through a few bad experiences recently that triggered some stuff from the past. I want to be able to let go and stop blaming myself for things I can not control.
Thanks for your support I hope you're doing well

I like that you said this (what I bolded above), because the other day I was remembering something my therapist said to me. I was really upset and talking to her on the phone (I think it was in the spring or summer of last year), and I said "I don't feel empowered at all." It was very important for me to feel empowered. And she said "You may not feel empowered, but you are doing empowering things." And it's true, I was. Something had upset me, and while I was doing self care, I just couldn't feel happy. But the fact that she said that...helped. We don't always have to feel it, to know that we are doing something that helps. Or it can even just be something subtle. Sometimes we want instant results that feel good. I do. It's just not always how it is and I need to remember this! Gratitude is a wonderful tool, btw.

May, I have heard that Brene Brown is a good author for the topic of shame. I have read some of her things a while ago and have enjoyed them. There's a book called Emotional First Aid by Guy Winch. It talks about guilt in one of the chapters. It's a good book.

I'm sorry that you have been triggered lately. I think it would be wonderful for you to find a way to stop feeling so responsible and to let go and stop blaming yourself. Perhaps it will take some time, patience, and persistence on your part. Or maybe it will come like waves. Sometimes you'll be okay, other times not. That's how it is for me with my own issues. Sometimes i think it helps to just realize the distortion in thought. In DBT, we are taught to observe our thoughts, and not judge them. But just notice and label them, and then let them go. It's like mindfulness and meditation. It's a practice that you can cultivate as well.

One more book, if not to overwhelm you, is Loving-Kindness by Sharon Salzberg.

One more book rec: The Self Esteem Workbook by Glenn R. Schiraldi PhD. It helped me when I was beginning to explore self esteem.

[may24]

@KnitChick Thank you for the book recommendations, I'll check them out!
It's funny that you mentioned Brene Brown. I haven't read anything by her yet, but I've seen her name a lot recently in psychology articles. Last week I saw one of her TED talks for the first time and I really enjoyed it.

I can definitely relate to what you said of "wanting instant results"... also, I feel like even when I accomplish something that I worked hard for, I often don't even enjoy it; because I immediately start thinking about what's the next thing I need to achieve.
I like what your therapist told you, it's so powerful. I think I'll keep that in mind next time I'm too busy thinking about the thingsI have left to do and not seeing how far I've come.

I had an appointment with my Pdoc yesterday and we talked about some of the things that were making me feel ashamed. It was hard to talk about but I'm feeling better now I'm also going to meditation classes every week (I went today) and it helps me feel more compassion towards myself and understand better the things that are bothering me. Today's class brought me a lot of clarity.

[CANDC]

There is a video on self compassion that is interesting

[may24]

I didn't get more than 4h of sleep last night and I'm struggling to concentrate. I had to change some of the plans I had for today because I couldn't bring myself to do much of it...
I'm feeling a little stressed and frustrated, but I'm trying to tell myself that it's okay and that I'll do better tomorrow.

Originally Posted by may24

I didn't get more than 4h of sleep last night and I'm struggling to concentrate. I had to change some of the plans I had for today because I couldn't bring myself to do much of it...
I'm feeling a little stressed and frustrated, but I'm trying to tell myself that it's okay and that I'll do better tomorrow.

(((((May))))) Hugs to you, May. Maybe you need to rest today. It sounds like that's what you need. Please don't be hard on yourself. It will get better and you'll be ok.

Good afternoon. I am resting. It's been such a struggle and I didn't go to my language class today. I'm all out of whack. But I'm listening to music and it feels good. It's sunny here. I'm glad for that.

While listening to the audiobook, Presence by Amy Cuddy, I heard this: Confidence is not about one-upping someone. It's about using your tools, not weapons.

Have a good day everyone. It's super cold and snowy here. It's icing out. Lol. Good day to stay in if you don't have to go out.

[TishaBuv]

I’m at the pivotal point now where I get hoovered back in.

[CANDC]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I’m at the pivotal point now where I get hoovered back in.

TishaBuv,
I hear you. It reminds me of how the more I focus on the "problem" or worry or anxiety the more I get pulled into it. Mindfulness helps me get perspective on things. This is a person that has spent most of their life doing mindfulness in health settings and MIT so they have an interesting perspective

[CANDC]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I’m at the pivotal point now where I get hoovered back in.

TishaBuv,
I hear you. It reminds me of how the more I focus on the "problem" or worry or anxiety the more I get pulled into it. Mindfulness helps me get perspective on things. This is a person that has spent most of their life doing mindfulness in health settings and MIT so they have an interesting perspective

[daz1056]

To keep myself in check i ask myself many of these questions every day. I got them from Brendan Burchard's High Performing Habits. They really help you focus on your goals and be kinder to yourself

[mountainstream]

I’m trying to be kinder to myself...

[may24]

I had a really bad today. I'll take a bath and wash my hair and I'll go to bed early... I hope tomorrow will be better

Originally Posted by may24

I had a really bad today. I'll take a bath and wash my hair and I'll go to bed early... I hope tomorrow will be better

So sorry you had a bad day May. Your bath and early night sound like great coping strategies. I hope your troubles will fade away while you soak in the bath. Wishing you a bright tomorrow!

[downandlonely]

I've been sick so I'm staying home from work and getting a lot of sleep.

Originally Posted by downandlonely

I've been sick so I'm staying home from work and getting a lot of sleep.

Feel better soon DownandLonely

[catspajamas4]

I took things slowly today which I am usually notoriously bad at. But after the gym I spent time stretching and extra time in the shower to relax. I'm trying to be more compassionate with myself when I don't fulfill my "perfect habits" all day like eating perfectly or not hitting snooze, because those things don't determine my worth.

I am working on self forgiveness. It doesn't mean its easy, or that my part in conflict / challenges / problems is ok. But yeah. I also sat in silence and meditated today.